Ok…You are going to have to follow me on this blog post. I am going to wander for a bit, but I will tie it all together before we are finished. Today, I am grateful for Air….yes, just the basic kind that you breathe in and out every day. Let me tell you where I have been.
Yesterday, my sister-in-law had a surgery…nothing major, but surgery none the less. I didn’t realize that I had been contemplating air and my ability to breathe for awhile. But her surgery reminded me of a couple of things. A few years ago, Drew’s aunt had a routine surgery. She was in recovery, and somehow, she threw up and aspirated her vomit and died. My grandmother, when I was 13, was in an automobile accident and on life support in a coma for a month before they decided to terminate her air. I have been reading about the Brother of Jared in the book of Ether and his concern that the boats the Lord asked him to build have no light and no air. And I have known for awhile that the Lord wants me to go a certain direction and I have been trying to go there, but recently have come to a place where I recognize, if I go there, I know it will be dark and I am afraid I will not be able to breathe…..no light and no air.
I have several children with asthma. Some of the scariest times I have had with them are when their asthma is so bad that they cannot breathe and there is nothing that I can do for them, and we are in the hospital as the staff tries to manage their air.
I have been pondering about the faith it took the Brother of Jared, and all of his party, to enter the barges….where the Lord said, “Ya, you are going to be buried in the deep, as a whale in the sea, but don’t worry, I will bring you up again…..you’ll get air….it will be OK.” (rough paraphrase 🙂 And they trusted Him, not knowing how long they would be buried in the deep, or even how long their journey to the promised land would take them, and they had no ability to steer. That is some serious faith.
My sister-in-law had to trust the anesthesiologist with her air….. With my grandmother, people she didn’t even know and may not even have been aware of, stepped in and provided her with air. With Drew’s aunt, her air was managed fine during surgery. But somehow AFTER the surgery there was a problem and the Lord called her home. Accident? Negligence? Maybe. But maybe it was just the circumstances the Lord used to bring His daughter back to Him.
I am afraid. I am afraid to trust God with my Air. And yet, He is already giving it to me. It is completely His to control. He controls it today! Right now! He gives me my daily breath. If He wanted to, He could stop my air right now and I would return home to His presence. So why am I so afraid that He won’t provide air for me while I am doing what He has asked? Why can’t I seem to bridge that gap today? Why am I struggling to exercise my faith and to trust Him at that level?
I don’t know. I am working on it. But today….that is where I am and today, I am grateful for air….just the normal kind that I breathe in and out every day, every hour, every minute…usually without thinking about it. But today, I am thinking about it and grateful for it!