What is NORMAL anyway??!!

According to Wikipedia (I know, I know…..the source of all knowledge🙄), “Neurodiversity is a framework for understanding human brain function that recognizes diversity of human cognition as a biological fact.” That is, not everyone’s brains function the same because of biology. Well, that seems kind of obvious on its face, doesn’t it? Take any subject in almost any field and as you discuss any of the issues with anyone, people are going to have varying opinions and see things differently. We chalk that up to culture, language, race, experience, moral values, politics, religion, economics, family, education…. Clearly, across the globe and even in our own country, state, city, and family, people think differently. But now we have to include differences in thought because of biology too?

This field has always fascinated me. Why do we think what we think? How does our brain work to produce thought, beliefs, or motivate us to action? When I was young I wanted to be a brain surgeon just so I could spend my life’s work studying how the brain works. After dissecting frogs and fetal pigs in anatomy class, I decided I would rather study the thinking and feeling parts instead of the physical part. Plus, I didn’t think surgeons had much time for motherhood.

Don’t get me wrong. I study psychology. I have read books, listened to podcasts, and ted talks, watched videos all about autism, ADHD, ADD, bipolar disorder, and spoken to numerous people who are diagnosed with these conditions, and some who should be…. I believe the science. In the field of education, we are just now beginning to address some of these differences. But hear me out…..

To the individuals and families who wear these labels, the way they function, IS normal for them. The rest of us are weird.

I was flying home from a trip to the east coast one day and as I stood in line waiting to board the plane, I made small talk with a gentleman from England. I said, “I LOVE your accent!” He looked right at me and said, “I love YOURS!” I had to think about that for a while. To him, I had the accent. It was an American accent, or maybe it was a West Coast accent. I don’t know? But to him, I was the different one, even though he was visiting my country. He was normal. I was weird.

I live in a home full of neurodiversity. Some recognize their neurodiversity, embrace it, learn about it, and allow the information to help them understand themselves and adjust their behavior. Others, do not believe that is their condition. That information does not apply to them. Who is right? Who is normal? However we function, that is normal for us. I have spent a lot of the last several years learning. My learning has helped me to communicate more effectively, accept behaviors I would fight before, be more patient in my approach to those I live with, and to love in spite of things not working or looking like I want. I have had to make a lot of adjustments. I have needed to slow life down, as I have learned to come to terms with ‘normal’ for those who live with me.

Isn’t that what life is about? Isn’t that what we all have to do, make adjustments and allowances for the people we live with and the circumstances necessary for life?

Recently I have been observing several families needing to make accommodations for changing circumstances. In one family, the husband had a stroke. In another, one spouse passed away. In another, a new baby was born. In another, after raising their children and having only teens in the house, suddenly without warning, now they are parenting a two year old, too. People move in, people move out. In each of these homes, the people have had to make changes and adjustments to the way they were living. Some of the changes were expected, others were a surprise. They have each had to find a new normal. There is stress and growth all along the way, regardless of age, culture, economic circumstance or neuro-anything.

Hopefully with all of the changes we are needing to make, we are learning to be kind and gracious to those within our spheres, regardless of how large or small they are, how neurotypical or neurodivergent. Just be nice….and remember, kindness is the key.