FFF #26 2015–Emotional check-in

The last week I have occasionally taken some ibuprofen because the muscles in my neck are stiff and tight.  At first I chalked it up to pulled muscles from exercising.  I figured since it isn’t something I have been doing too often, when I do it, it causes some adjustments.  But as it has been going on for days now, and I am really not doing any more or less exercise than I have all summer, I am probably just stressed out.

There isn’t that much that I should be stressed about, at least that is what I tell myself.  But I also know myself better than that.  I do tend to put all my stress in my shoulders, lucky me.  I think my underlying stress is all the crazy stuff going on at Drew’s office and what that means for our family and our future.  Yep.  There it is—relaxing.  Just saying the words out loud relieved some of the tension.  It is scary that I do that to myself.  I am protecting myself from the possibility of my husband losing his job.

At this point, there is no indication that that will happen.  I just know the last 16 years personnel decisions of this court and when they don’t think things are going well, they drop management and start over.  I feel like that is where we are………only today, Drew is management. 

I smell smoke!

Can I just tell you how much easier it is to figure out what the problem is and relieve the stress than it is to take medication?  I have been stressed for over a week, muscles tightening, stiff neck, sore back.  I am still sore, it isn’t gone, but geesh!  I am less stiff and more comfortable just admitting that Drew’s job situation is stressing me out!

I probably haven’t told you because, well, this is a public blog and those are private issues.  But, a little over a month ago, things blew up at the court.  Within the week, the CEO had resigned.  She finished out the month, but Monday, the interim CEO began, as they begin to recruit for a new CEO.  Things are crazy.  My husband is an extremely loyal man.  He fulfills his job responsibilities and supports his superiors.  Because of his support of the previous CEO, they (let’s just leave that a huge, nebulous ‘they’) lump him in as a bad apple that goes with her.  It doesn’t matter that he has worked here for 16 years.  It doesn’t matter that the CEO who hired him put him into the entry level jobs when he was totally over-qualified with promises of management changes coming, and then it didn’t happen that way and he stayed anyway.  It doesn’t matter that we took another job that supported our family better, they fired him, and he came back to the court and put together all of their payroll everything when the county had just dumped that on them with two weeks notice until payroll needed to come out and Drew figured it out and fixed it.  It doesn’t matter that they hired a finance guy over him, and he still stayed anyway.  It doesn’t matter that they fired the finance guy, gave Drew all of that finance guy’s job and nothing close to his pay or title, and he stayed anyway.  And now they have given him a promotion, above that finance guy’s position, still nothing close to his pay, six weeks later the CEO quits, and he is staying anyway.  Are you sensing a theme?  I would have walked away a long time ago, but not my loyal sweetheart.  He is ready to ride out the waves of change and make the best out of a not very promising situation.  Usually he would be the one stressing about this and I would be telling him to relax and just not get too excited.  ‘Just take a deep breath!  Gosh Dad.’

the fire is coming

I guess I need to take my own advice and just take a deep breath, Carin.  I feel like my spiritual receptors are out of focus, which happens when I am blocking my feelings.  I just get into this survival mode and go through the motions of life.  It doesn’t help that life has been so very busy lately.  It makes it really easy for me to put my head in the sand and just quash the little fires I have some kind of control over, while I sit back and watch the bigger fire rage, knowing my little bucket of water won’t make much difference.  Wow, there it is.  I feel like our life is out of control, when in fact, our life is fine, it just may become out of control.  I am stressing about what the future may bring.

Bless those men and women who battle this anyway!

I do need to just take a deep breath!  I can relax!  Why?  Because my Father in Heaven is in control!  He knows our family.  He knows me!  He knows all the people of the court, what they are thinking, what they are going to do with their thoughts and how everything is going to turn out.  Maybe that is why I have had the ‘Maybe Moving’ feelings.  So I guess I had better get on with that too.  But, of course, my sweet and ever loyal spouse thinks I am crazy.  But then, he often thinks that and I am not wrong always, just sometimes 🙂

I cannot believe how much better I feel!  Still a little sore, but mostly tension free.  I really just need to turn this over to Heavenly Father and let it go, let it go……  (Anytime anyone at my house says, ‘let it go’ we all break into the Frozen song…….much to the chagrin of the boys–they are not amused!)

This is His game, His earth, my life, but He is in charge.  And you know what?  I can trust Him to take care of me and watch out for me.  I do not have to do it by myself.  So now I need to quit trying to.  I am going to go take a jacuzzi bath–because I can!  But here is the positive side of the issue, I am not eating–which is usually how I have handled this kind of stress in the past.

I hope we don’t look like this when it is over.  If we do, we’ll rebuild!

Now I know what I need to do.  Thanks for listening!

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