No, you did not read the title wrong.  Yes, today is Scuff’s birthday.  The boys are two years and one day apart.  I don’t know (that is the answer to whatever question you are asking).  Scuff is an amazing man too.  What would I say to him?  Well, let’s try.

Scuff,
I cannot believe I am old enough to have four grown sons.  Three returned missionaries, one preparing to leave.  I am so very glad you are home from Brazil.  I love having all of you serve missions.  I love the men you become because of your service.  But I also love having you home.  I am so grateful you are home for the summer before you head back out to school.

What to say?  This is the same problem I had with Spanky.  You too are brilliant.  It is hard not having you in the house to tutor everyone in math.  I miss you when I have to do it myself, especially since I don’t remember any of my calculus, trig or even some of my geometry. 

We have had such a path to travel huh?  I am glad you are grown and we (I) am no longer having to monitor everything you eat.  That corn allergy was/is horrible!!  I am so glad it is all your responsibility now 🙂

It is really difficult for me to think while everyone is running around me and asking me questions.  Here goes.  Scuff, being your mother has taught me so many things.

• Children have agency.  I cannot make them do anything.  You were so adamant as a little person.  When we needed to pick up or take home the babysitter, you would take off your seat belt.  It didn’t matter how many times I would put it back on, you would just push the button and take it off.  I cannot even tell you the number of hours we spent in driveways waiting for you to leave your seat belt on so we could go somewhere.
• You were the baby who I just wished would hurry up and grow up.  I had things to do.  One day as I was thinking that, I thought I heard, ‘this is your last baby’.  As I pondered and stressed over that thought, I learned to cherish you and each child as if it were my last.  Every baby deserves to have a mother who loves that baby and doesn’t rush him or her through their childhood or wish away their time together.  Thanks for being patient with me.
• When Sport entered our family, I stressed and stressed over my ability to parent you.  I didn’t have the energy to discipline you and manage the baby.  I cried and cried.  You needed so much attention and discipline in my eyes.  The blessing I received told me that each child comes with their own attitude and predispositions.  The Lord knows them.  He knows what they need and when they need it.  I didn’t have to stress about things I was not capable of.  My job was to love, teach, train, mold, hold, and guide to the best of my ability.  I was not responsible for your choices, if I fulfilled those responsibilities.
• I remember one day when you were so angry with me and so out of control and big that I could not hold you any longer when you were being defiant and wanted to do something else.  I finally quit trying to keep you some place.  My words meant nothing to you that night.  I sat on the stairs crying because I could not reach you.  My tears did something my words could not.  After 15 or 20 minutes, you came out of your room, hugged me, and told me you were sorry.  Mother’s tears can touch boys’ hearts.  That was news to me.
• I learned when I could not reach you, I could call your father and give the task to him.  There is a reason there are two parents, one male and one female.  I need your father and his help to raise these men.
• You and Sport have the best relationship!  You have been the most enjoyable teenagers we have had so far.  You not only got along great, you are both hilarious and you like the same things—except music.  Your music choices are so very different.  And yours, an not that great, Scuff, just sayin’!
• I have constantly been amazed at your courage and ability to stand up to people twice or three times your age, to express your views or tell them where to get off the bus.  Most of the time, you did so with grace and kindness.  There were just those few times with that one person……..
• You are so logical it is scary, but very reassuring.
• Thank you for knowing the scriptures and being able to teach with the Spirit!  It really helps the littles when you do that!!
• I am so very glad you have only one set of wisdom teeth.  I never want to be responsible for you when you are coming out of anesthetic again!  We were walking into the house, I was suppose to be your support until we reached the couch.  You did not want my help or think you needed it.  You dropped my arm, ran through the house, and locked yourself in the garage, with me banging on the door to please let me in and come sit on the couch until your medications wore off.  You would not cooperate.

You are the best!!  Thanks for being my boy!!  Here is my favorite photo of you, because it shows your attitude–then and now 🙂

Well, it is that time of the year again, birthday season!  Happy birthday Spanky!!  What would I say to you today?  First, we are so proud of you!  We love you!  I cannot believe you are old enough to have returned from your mission, be attending college, working full-time, living on your own, and just plain being a real live grown up!  Really?  Yep, really!

I don’t even know what to say.  You are talented, sensitive, bright, fun, obedient, thrifty, organized, hard working, loving spiritual, kind, thoughtful, and a host of other things it would take me all day to write out.

Favorite Spanky stories:

• Rainbows in the backyard (that is all I am going to say).
• Ripping open the toddler mattress (the brand new one we bought on a college student’s salary).  I was so angry that I needed a time out.  When I cooled off enough, I asked you why you ripped the new mattress open.  In your sweet, innocent three year old voice, you said, “I just wanted to see what was inside.”  That is who you still are.  If I would let you, you would take apart everything I own just to see what was inside and how it works.
• Again when you were three, you came running into the house and asked, “Hey Mom, will Satan ever get a body?”  After I answered the question, you went running out and that was the end of it.
• When you and Slim stuck a hose in the bathroom window of our basement apartment and turned it on so that you could build a swimming pool.  So much water!!
• You would run around the house singing, “Boom, boom ain’t it great to be crazy!!”
• Jousting with the walking sticks in the upstairs bedroom with Sport.  You lunged at him and he backed up, standing on the top bunk, into the second story window.  We were all lucky that only one window pane landed on the ground below and not Sport.
• Throwing one wooden toy block over your shoulder, the corner of it hitting the window and breaking into a perfect circle.  Throwing a baseball, hitting the window, making a diamond shape.
• You using the fire extinguisher to put out a paper napkin on fire on the stove top.  Seriously?  You could have smashed it with your hand.  Instead we were cleaning up the powder for months, behind the stove, under the stove top, in the cupboards, it was everywhere for MONTHS!  You just wanted to use the fire extinguisher—just admit it.
• You begging me to let you take the Suburban apart after it died.
• All of the things you took apart and tried to put back together with just a part or two left over.
• Cutting open Sport’s stretchy, toy alligator to see what was inside.  He was NOT happy.
• Carving Sport’s name into my piano—-soooo not cool.  Do you know that he was grounded from his pocket knife for like months, because of that!
• Writing Speedy’s name in cursive sharpy marker on the wall in the bathroom, where he could not reach and before he could write in cursive.
• Puking outside the bathroom door, while you were so sick you thought you were in the bathroom.  You missed by the way, and it was gross!
• When you blended up smoothies for the entire family, forgetting to put the lid on the blender.  Smoothies off the ceiling anyone?
• Chocolatey sugar goodness that your were always experimenting with in the kitchen—mmmmm, yummy.  Serious sugar high afterward.
• You always cook dinner for the family. 
• You are the only one who always cleans the kitchen all the way when it is your turn!!  Thank you!!
• You wash and fold laundry–yours and others.
• Thank you for always including the littles in anything you do!  They love you and know you will listen to them and allow them to help.
• You are an amazing bush chopper!!!  Yea for yard work, you are the man! 
• Thank you for fixing the lawn mower!!!  Taking all of those things apart all of this time is going to save you and your wife some serious money some day!!  

I am sorry for quashing your creativity as a child and not allowing you to just follow your hearts desire and take everything apart!  I do love you!!  You are a very brilliant man!!

Thanks for being our boy and allowing us to be your parents!!  It has been a ton of fun and we cannot wait to see what the future brings!!

Love you, Spanky!!  Happy Birthday!

To us, you will always be this boy:

So Sun and I have been attending a quilting class that a sister in our ward decided to host.  We all meet one day a week and learn a new quilting square.  I have always loved sewing.  Never tried quilting.  I love it!!  The first class we had to put a nine-patch together by hand.  All of us complained.  But you know what we realized?  It was totally relaxing and fun to just sit around and quilt our squares and visit with each other.

nine patch.  The one on the right is the one I did by hand

The next class, she taught us a Shoo-Fly pattern.  Those were all fine and I enjoyed them.  The following week, she taught us a Friendship Square.  That week, I decided that I really liked quilting and was having a ton of fun.  I made two squares that class and then brought home enough material to make two more patches.

Shoo-Fly Pattern

Then, I went through all of our scraps of material and realized, Oh, that is why people started quilting, so they didn’t have to throw away all of those scraps.  Then Sun and I ran to the fabric story, bought a rotary cutter, and a cutting square and a few remnants that would match some of the scraps we had at home.  We spent $20.  Then I cut up a bunch of scraps and realized, oh this is why more people don’t quilt.  Cutting squares is obnoxious.

Friendship Square

This is the one I did after I cut the scraps we had at home.  It is suppose to be a pattern called Flying Geese.  But I like it better after I flipped a few of the squares, creating the diagonal pattern.

I can’t seem to get this one to flip.

I imagine our teacher is going to have us put all these squares into a quilt.  Anyway, we are having way too much fun, me more than Sun.  I will keep you apprised on our progress 🙂

Remember last year when I posted this post?  Well, I was thinking again about the influence fathers have on sons, especially in light of Elder Gibbons talk this last General Conference.  Speaking to the men, he said:

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Have a great 4th of July weekend!!!

My big boys and I were hanging out the other night just after the littles had gone to bed.  Someone made some comment about something the Brethren (First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve Apostles) had said recently.  Then one of the guys piped up and said, ‘Ya’ how come every time they speak to us in Priesthood they rail on us and tell us to man-up and do our priesthood duties?’  Then the other guys chimed in and agreed with him.  They all felt like when they attended Priesthood Session of General Conference, they were getting a fatty lecture about doing a better job as a man.

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That comment was quickly followed by all of them agreeing that when they heard talks from General Women’s Meeting, the Brethren were all soft and encouraging and ‘fluffing’ of the women. 

It was so funny to hear their perspective.  I just sat back and listened to the conversation, periodically asking a clarifying question.  They readily agreed with one another that the Priesthood brethren are told to Man-up and the women get fluffed and told they are doing a great job!!  I tell you, I was just sitting there laughing.

I always feel like it is more like this

But it got me thinking, what is your experience?  Do you feel like my boys do?  I always watch/read/listen to the priesthood session because I want to know what the prophets are telling my boys to do.  As their mother, I want to know so I am encouraging them in that direction, and so when needed, I can back up my requests with the words from ‘the Brethren’.  However, I have never felt like when I listen to the priesthood sessions, that they are railing on the men.  Yes, periodically they are told to step it up and be men.  But I have thought there are plenty of encouraging the men in their duties, without railing.

And I guess now that I think about it, there are very few talks in General Women’s Meeting that tell us to step it up and be women.  Sister Dew had some rip roaring talks that called us to order and to remember who we are what our job is. (Stand Tall and Stand Together, Are We Not All Mothers?) Sister Beck has also had a few of those talks where she implored us to be the women God intended us to be.  (Mothers Who Know, A Mother Heart.)  But nothing compared to Elder Holland’s message to the men in 2011—We Are All Enlisted.  That is the talk they were specifically referencing.

Instead we get talks like this from President Uchtdorf:  Your Happily Ever After

copyright: Karen Larsen photography

I don’t know.  Do you agree with my boys?  Let’s hear it!!  What do you say?

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We took most of our children to see this movie last week.  Can I just tell you that it was amazing?  I loved the movie, loved the message, loved all the psycho-emotional drama and even cried during and animated movie, and I’m not even pregnant!!

Drew and I previewed it one day with Sport.  The next day, Sport, Scuff, and Sun saw the movie.  Then a few days later when he didn’t have class, Speedy, Shorty and I went to see it.  Sport and I got to see it twice, and I would go again I might add.

As a psychology nut, part of what I loved about the movie was recognizing the interplay of our emotions.  And personally, I am very much Joy, and think she should be in charge all the time.  I have trouble acknowledging Sadness and letting her have her day.  In fact, in my life, I have to make time for her because otherwise I can keep myself totally busy always trying to let Joy have the spotlight.  This movie spoke volumes to me personally.

As for my children, Sport needed to see it twice because he is studying animation and he just enjoyed looking at the movie from the technical details.  Shhhhh don’t tell anyone, but he did shed a tear or two during the first viewing.

I have another kiddo, Shorty, who lets Anger be in control all the time.  If Joy isn’t in charge in his life, Anger is manifesting itself.  It was super important for him to see the movie so he could recognize that the other emotions are in there and think about what he is feeling, how, and why.  It was also significant for him to see that Anger is simply masking deeper emotions, like hurt, or fear, or sadness.  Before he watched the movie, I gave him a list of questions I wanted him to think about during the movie.  Yes, I actually gave him movie homework.  True story.  Here are the questions I wanted him to consider:

• What emotions did they label?
• What other emotions do you have that they did not label?
• How did Riley behave when Anger was in control?
• What happens when Joy tries to be in control all the time?
• Why is it important to let Sadness be in control sometimes?
• What happened to Riley’s thought train when she made a bad decision?
• What did Sadness say her purpose was? (Crying helps me to slow down and obsess over life’s problems.)
• Can Joy fix everything?
• Why did Riley need Sadness?
• Why did the console turn black?
• What did the fall of Goofball Island symbolize?

Now, these are not the only questions that you could come up with, but for my child and for what he needed to learn, these are the questions we needed to discuss in helping him to understand the emotions going on in his head and body right now.  Shorty is heading into the beginnings of puberty and like I said before, most of his emotion manifests as Anger—which is simply lovely for all of us.

If you have any children or adults at your house that need a little deeper understanding of their emotional processes with a very non-threatening, enjoyable and entertaining presentation, take them to see Inside Out!

“It’s a major Emotion picture!!”  Go see it today! 🙂

Well, there you have it.  Those are all of my ‘maybe moving’ posts.  What did you think?  Kind of a crazy process right?  And then we didn’t move and Drew gets the same job here.  However, the craziness isn’t over.  More crazy things are happening at Drew’s office.  We will have to wait to see how it all shakes out.  Maybe we will still end up moving, but not anytime soon, that we can tell.

copyright:  Karen Larsen photography

How do I feel about it?  To be honest, I have trouble reconciling the information.  In my heart, I still believe we will be moving, for a job, and to the original area.  What do I have to base my information on?  Only my feelings.  If we don’t move, I don’t really care.  I am fine doing what the Lord wants me to, as long as I know that is what He wants.  Drew thinks we will be staying here until he retires (at least three more years, but more likely, eight more).  I just don’t see that happening.  But then, my life never looks like I think it will.

In high school, my friends used to tease me about being that Mormon Mom with nine kids and a station wagon.  I swore that would never be me.  Who would want nine kids?  I was going to college and getting a degree and then I would be a mom, but I would also have a career.  All through college, I thought about what kind of a job I wanted, marriage and family therapy, school psychology, something in counseling definitely.  Finally, the end of my Senior year, I got it through my head, either I would be a really great employee and a stinky mom, or a really great mom and a stinky employee, or just kind of making it work at both.  Where did I really want to spend my time and energy?  I did get my degree.  I do have nine children (and picked up a couple of honorary children along the way–Tammy and Richard).  I did drive a station wagon, at one time and ditched it as soon as we possibly could (hated that car!).  And my career?  Well, I have one of those too.  It is called Motherhood.  I use my degree everyday!!  Do you have any idea how much money I save in therapy alone?  And tutoring?  And tailoring?  And….and…..and……

This was the best family shot of our super windy photo shoot.

These people are my life!!  They get all of me, everyday.  Not me divided between them and my career, or my part-time sales job, or the PTA.  I am here, for them.  Does that mean I don’t do anything else?  No I have a few hobbies and an exercise class with a couple of girlfriends, and quilting with some of the elderly sisters here in the area.  But I can drop any of those at any time to take care of my people, when they need me.  So whether we live here or we move, this is my job, and these are my people.

I LOVE my job!!  It is nice to know that I can live anywhere and it all comes with me!

Just to recap my maybe moving list of stuff:

I have gotten rid of a ton of junk, but I have a ton more to go so that is still in process.
I cleaned half of the windows in the house, but now they probably need to be done again.
I touched up the paint in the family room and have to finish the book shelf wall.
We replaced the flooring in the kids rooms.
I painted the microwave cubby in the kitchen and cleaned out most of the cupboards, but need to finish them.
I spackled the green bathroom but need to paint over it.
And I haven’t touched Sun’s room because we have college boys sleeping in there over the summer.  Hopefully I will get that done after they all go back to college.

That is the recap.  I will keep you posted as to the status, especially if we really do end up moving.  When we moved here, we knew two years ahead of time that we were coming.  It was super hard to continue to believe that was happening as the months and then years went by.  But here we are.  In September it will have been one year since I originally thought we were moving.  So maybe we just have to wait another year?!!

Whatever.  We will see, ay?

Sunday is not my usual posting day, but because the Supreme Court so graciously decided to announce their decision this week, I have felt the need to respond.

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Now, I am not a very ‘politically correct’ person.  I say what is on my mind.  I told Drew one day (many moons ago when we were young and trying to figure out what his career path would look like) that I would not be a very good politician’s wife.  I would always be saying something that would undermine his position or sticking my foot in my mouth.  Either way, I would be a liability for any campaign, and not an asset.  So even though my sweetheart is brilliant at politics (and he really is) we should look at something else.  So we work for the court–not the one that made that awful decision this week though.

There you have it.  I think their decision is awful, horrible, unconstitutional, and immoral.  Why?  I know, I have heard the rhetoric out there.  “We should be free to marry who we want to”,  “Marriage equality under the law,”  “Civil rights for all,”  one person’s sign even read “Our Constitution is a shield against Bible based oppression.”

This is so sad to me.  Let me see if I can articulate this.  I understand other people have different opinions than me and different life styles.  I honor their ability to choose.  Inherent in that philosophy is that there will be varying and different opinions across the country, around the globe, even.  I defend their right to choose, which means I also defend my right to choose, and which means, I have a right to have my voice heard, as well.  I shouldn’t have to be silent or agree with you.

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Marriage has always been a religious ordinance, only recently sanctioned by the government, not the other way around.  Marriages, in history have been performed by clergy, various religious officers given the authority by the church to bind their patrons in holy matrimony.  It was not government sponsored, nor sanctioned.  At some point, the government began to recognize marriages (OK, at this point, I did a little research so as not to lead you all astray).  As for what I have been able to surmise, from the internet mind you (so we can all be assured it is correct—wink, blah!) marriage licenses didn’t begin to be regularly established and required until 1923 with the Uniform Marriage and Marriage Licenses Act.  Before then, marriage licenses were required only by those people who wanted to be married contrary to their states laws, for instance, those married in an interracial relationship.  Other than those instances, marriage licenses were not required, i.e. marriage was not regulated by the government, federal or state.

Let’s go back even farther.

In the Bible dictionary under Marriage, we read:

Among the Israelites, marriage was usually preceded by a formal act of betrothal, such a contract, when once entered on, being regarded as absolutely binding. On the marriage day, the bride was escorted to her husband’s home by a procession consisting of her own companions and the “friends of the bridegroom,” or “children of the bride-chamber,” some carrying torches and others myrtle branches and chaplets of flowers. When she reached the house, words such as “Take her according to the law of Moses and of Israel” were spoken, the pair were crowned with garlands, and a marriage deed was signed. After the prescribed washing of hands and benediction, the marriage supper was held. For a year after marriage a man was released from all military service. The gospel law of marriage is partially given in Matt. 19:4–9; Mark 10:2–12; Rom. 7:2; 1 Cor. 7. Its meaning, as symbolizing the union between Christ and the Church, is explained in Eph. 5:22–32.

It does say they signed a marriage deed, but there is no indication it was regulated by any government.  It is recognized as a binding contract.  The question then is binding to whom?  Looking closer at the wording spoken when the bride arrived, it appears to be according to the Law of Moses and Israel.  I am pretty sure that law giver was not any man-made government.

And if we want to go back even further, we can just look at Genesis 2: 24 & 25:

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copyright:  LDS.ORG

The Church issued the following statement Friday:
“The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints acknowledges that following today’s ruling by the Supreme Court, same-sex marriages are now legal in the United States. The Court’s decision does not alter the Lord’s doctrine that marriage is a union between a man and a woman ordained by God. While showing respect for those who think differently, the Church will continue to teach and promote marriage between a man and a woman as a central part of our doctrine and practice.”

And I agree.

copyright:  Karen Larsen photography

 Oh Yea!!!  Can I just say that?

I took my car into the shop on Monday because I would turn it on, and it would die, and I would turn it on, and it would die. Then I would turn it on, give it some gas, say a quick prayer, and drive away hoping all would be well until I reached my desired destination.  The mechanic thought that was strange.  So did we, which is why we brought it in.  It needed some other work anyway.  My serpentine belt squealed like crazy every time I drove the car.  It was driving me bananas, seriously.

So they fixed that.  Then they tried to figure out why it would die.

They replaced the spark plugs.  It didn’t fix the problem.  They ordered a part that wouldn’t be in until the next day.  Fine.  They put that it.  It didn’t fix the problem.  When I called in the middle of day three at the shop, poor Steve told me that the car had actually died in the shop and they couldn’t get it started again.  But finally, they found a loose wire.  When they pushed on it, the car worked, and when they didn’t, the car didn’t.  It was a pretty inaccessible wire, so they were going to try to find it the next morning, fix that, and hope that took care of it.

They did that.  It works! 

Can I just tell you that even though we have been down to one car for four days and I haven’t been able to take all of the family anywhere, I am soooooo glad the car died at the mechanic’s shop and not while I was out on the road with a car full of kids somewhere!!!  Totally worth the four days to know that is not going to happen!  Yippee!! 

This afternoon, I took the kids to the beach!  The boys who have been to Utah lately just complained because they said it was too cold.  Just to give you a little perspective here, the locals were out in shorts and bikini tops.  Those actually in the ocean surfing were in wetsuits.  The wind was warm, which never happens and the temperature?  A very nice and warm 59 degrees. 

Spike Spike played in the water.  He was soaked from head to toe.  After an hour, we had to pull him out because his teeth were chattering, but it was warm enough that I could change him on the beach instead of in the car, like usual.  (And the beach was packed!!  We had to wait for a parking spot, which I have never had to do either.)

That is all I have to report today.

Except, you probably would like to know how our stake presidency change went.  It happened 🙂  And they didn’t call Drew.  So in that vein, things in our ward won’t change much!

Crazy!  I know.  I should let it go.  It didn’t happen.  We didn’t move.  Now there is no job on the horizon.  No reason to move.  Nothing.

But guess what?!!  We are moving.  I know we are.  The Lord has told me so.  He hasn’t told me when, but at this point, I believe that a year from now we will be thinking about it.  Wouldn’t that be crazy??  Write a post a year early?  Nuts.

But now I believe what He has told me.  I know He can do all things.  I know if He wants us to have a specific job, we will have that job.  If He wants us to live in a specific ward, we will live there.  If He wants us to have more children and I am an old woman?  We will have them.  (I can write that because this blog may never see the light of day!)  I love the freedom that comes with privacy!  But musing, wise, I may as well write down my predictions for future posterity.

Well, let’s see.  I know I have dark days ahead.  Hard days.  Days that will take my breath away and perhaps my desire to continue going to church and to ignore my prayers and the Lord.  They are on the horizon.  I just don’t know what they look like.

I know I have a nasty pregnancy on the horizon, and I turn 45 this week (the week I am writing).  It will be ugly and difficult and hard.  It may or may not be connected with my dark days.  I kind of think they are two separate difficult things.  But we will see.

I know moving south is on the horizon.  When?  I am not sure.  At this point, I think in one year.  Where?  I do know that.  I kind of know what it will look like.  I think I know which ward and what school for the high school kiddos.  Maybe the little guys too.  (I actually put them on a waiting list for a school I think is the right one and the waiting list was like two years long.  It may be that long before we actually make the move. Nuts, right?  Yep, I know.  But you just don’t leave those kind of things undone when you feel the inspiration.  I mean what is the worst that will happen?  We won’t go, they will call and I will tell them, never mind.)  And, believe it or not, Drew will get that job.  Because the Lord said so.  So now we wait.

I was told that it wouldn’t look like I thought it would, but the sea would part and then we would go and it would be fast.  Which is why I was told so early, so I could work on things slowly because when the time for moving came, we wouldn’t have time to deal with stupid things, like junk.

That is my report seven months after the initial thoughts of moving began and the interviewing process and all of it.  I believe Him now.  It will happen.  I just don’t know what the plan looks like.

And that is my report.