Finals
Four of our nine children have been working on finals this last week and for the week after Christmas. For me, it is fun to have a different schedule than the rest of the semester. I like having time to study for the exams to evaluate how much I have integrated the information. I am not sure if the boys like it or not. I know they are all relieved when the exams are over. Scuff and Sport are finished. Slim has another week of finals and Speedy has his first one today and the rest of them after the Christmas break.
So Sport just told me that homework is “killing us.” “You know how?” he says. “Homework uses paper, which to make kills trees, and trees provide oxygen for us. If the oxygen is gone, we will die. So by doing homework, it is killing us.”
The kids have been doing a lot of papers and projects….by kids, I am mostly referring to Speedy and Sport, as I don’t have any idea what Slim and Scuff have been up to at their various colleges.
Homecomings
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| Last Christmas |
Scuff arrives home tomorrow from his first semester at college. He has been gone for six months. I am curious as to how the baby will react to him. They had a special relationship and I am anxious to see the baby remember his special brother. I wasn’t sure he would, but Slim left in August and when we SKYPE with him or when the baby hears his voice, he gets very excited and I can see that he remembers his brother. So, anyway, I am very excited to see how it goes.
Slim comes home the following weekend and I think grandparents are arriving a few days after Slim. Both brothers have made food requests for their stay at home. It will be the first time Slim has been home for Christmas in three years! I am sure we won’t have him home for much longer. Being a returned missionary, it will be time for him to find his special someone and settle down to start their own traditions. I am looking forward to it and a little sad at the same time. My sweetheart keeps reminding me this is the reason we raise them, so they can establish their own eternal families. While I am excited for them, I am a little sad their seasons with exclusively me are coming to a close. This will probably be the last Christmas we have before we begin to add girlfriends/spouses to our holiday celebrations.
Tammy is coming home too!!! Tammers is an honorary family member. She is Spanky’s age and has pretty much been a member of the family since she was about 11. Both of her parents are deceased and we love her like she is our own. We are so excited to have her home, as well!!
Family Time and Traditions
So with all of these people coming home, we will be celebrating Smiley’s 8th birthday and baptism. Scuff will be ordained an Elder and we will just enjoy the holidays and share a few family traditions. I mentioned last week that we will be having birthday cake on Christmas day to remember the birth of our Savior. We will also be celebrating Slim’s birthday. On your birthday at our house, you receive your gifts first thing in the morning, no waiting! We sing and open presents and have family prayer and then head out to our various activities. The birthday person chooses the evening meal and then they choose if they are going to have cake or a different dessert or if they would rather have donuts in the morning. It is a big day here. I LOVE birthdays because I kind of feel like it is my day too. It was definitely a day to celebrate—-the arrival of a fresh, new spirit directly from heaven! (And I worked hard that day……….so I think I should be recognized also!)
| photo credit: na.wwrd.com |
For Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter, we set a formal table, with all the silverware and everything. That way, at least three times a year our children have an experience and opportunity to practice their formal manners. When I was in high school, prom was my first experience with eating at a formal table. I had no idea which silverware to use or the rules of etiquette or anything else. It was neat to be all dressed up, but I felt kind of dumb for not knowing how to behave. I wanted our children to have some practice with that, so we go all out with salad plates and even dessert utensils. It is more work, but the children look forward to it every year. They are excited that they get to eat on the China and use the crystal.
Illnesses
So my little princess has been sick all week. It started out as a cough, then achy-ness, now a runny nose. The baby is starting to show signs now too. So I am feeding everyone sprouted wheat and barley water. Maybe we will kick it before our company shows up. But it won’t be gone by tomorrow……..sorry Scuff.
Down for three……I got a phone call from Smiley’s school. Please pick him up, he is sick too.
Connecticut
As I was typing up this blog this morning, the news of the Connecticut elementary school shooting was coming across the airwaves. My heart and prayers go out to the families of that tragedy. I am so saddened by the random acts of violence which occur in our society and world. It breaks my heart that it occurred at all, but it is more upsetting to me that it happened at an elementary school. That age group is so innocent.
I really don’t know what else to say. I will keep them in my prayers.
| photo credit: motorcycles.about.com |
When Smiley was about two, we lived on a busy road, automobiles and pedestrians. The neighborhood we lived in was scary. Three drug-dealing homes were located directly across the street. The constant pedestrian traffic outside our home was disheartening, dirty, and sad. As a consequence of what was transpiring in the front of our home our family always used the back door; we parked next to the back fence and I often kept the front blinds closed to shield myself and our family from the outside influences. Occasionally we would have visitors stop by. They, of course, used the front door and periodically, one of our little people escaped during our front door visits.
On one such meeting, our little two-year old Smiley went running into the front yard. Slim, the 16 year old, followed him. Smiley ran into the street. Luckily, at that particular moment, there were not any cars on the road. Our 16 year-old simply and easily went after him, scooped him up and brought him back into the house.
I did not think much of the incident until one day when our oldest teenager was struggling with some difficult life choices. At the time, he was not sure his father and I were giving him the straight scoop on life. Our requirements, he felt, were too strict. We kept too tight a leash on him and we asked too much of him. His friends had more freedom. They spent more time doing what they wanted and their parents weren’t around to monitor how they spent their time or what choices they were making. I was very frustrated and completely disheartened. I prayed for strength and direction to know what to say to this child, who obviously needed answers, but for whom the Sunday school answers weren’t going to satisfy. Then the scenario I related above came to mind. I knew what to say.
“Remember when you went running after Smiley because he was in the street and you were calling him and he wouldn’t come?”
“Yes.”
“Why did you go and get him?”
“Duh, Mom. He was going to get hurt. He is little.”
“But, Slim, he was happy in the street. He was completely unaware of any dangers. He was happy and you interrupted his happiness and interfered in his plan. Why would you do that?”
(A bit confused) “MOM! He was in the STREET! He could have been hit by a car!”
“I know, but he didn’t care! Why did you?”
“Because I know how the traffic drives on this road! He was in REAL danger!”
“Yes, Slim, you are right. He was in real danger, and you loved him and cared about him enough to remove him from the situation. You have had enough experience that you were aware of things which could cause him harm—–things Smiley was completely unaware of.”
I let that sink a minute. Then, I followed up with this comment:
“Similarly, your father and I have lived long enough, and had enough experience with the road that you are on, that we are aware of dangers and pitfalls, which you do not have any idea even exist. I am sorry you are struggling with the restrictions and guidelines we require of you. But just as you were aware of the REAL danger Smiley was in, your father and I are aware of the REAL danger you are in. We give you these guidelines because we love you and want to keep you safe.”
If I had been a better parent, or a well trained missionary, I may have asked for some commitments right here in the conversation. But this child needed to really ponder the information he had just received. As I saw the information sink into his soul, I was so very grateful for a Father in Heaven who not only answered my prayer, but knew how to answer the frustrations of my son.
Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, Because She is a Mother
| photo credit: foodsogoodmall.com |
Wow!! You google images, ‘black beans and rice’ and who knew you would get a bazzilion hits! I had no idea there were that many photos out there of black beans and rice. Far be it for me to add another one, so I just used one that was already out there and looked like the ones I make. I actually use the recipe from the Weight Watcher’s Cookbook c 2006, and I change it up a little bit.
3 cups black beans, cooked (I prefer to cook mine in the crock pot, see this post).
2 TBL oil
1 yellow or red pepper
1/2 onion
5 cloves of garlic
2 14 oz. cans of tomatoes
1 C vegetable broth
1/2 tsp. dried thyme
2 bay leaves
1/4 tsp. dried oregano
1/4 tsp. chipotle powder (or 1 jalapeno, finely chopped)
1 TBL finely chopped cilantro
Salt and pepper
Heat oil in the frying pan. Saute pepper, onion, and garlic until soft. Add tomatoes, vegetable broth, and spices. Add beans. If they are too thick, add a little water. Stir until desired consistency. Add cilantro and salt and pepper. Simmer for about 10-15 minutes to allow flavors to blend. Serve over rice, maybe with some avocado and lime juice. Enjoy.
I like these a LOT! I prefer them to the pinto bean recipe (link above) because of the spiciness. But if I want the children to eat them, I make pinto beans. They are not too fond of black beans, but I LOVE them.
Next Tuesday, I am going to post a recipe from my dear friend Linzy….black bean fudge! Seriously!! I have not made it yet, but I tried it and it is delicious and tastes like fudge without the marshmallow creme of the traditional fudge recipe. I am particularly excited because Scuff is allergic to corn and this recipe doesn’t have any in it!
So tune in next week for that recipe!
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| photo credit: lattermusings.blogspot.com |
I walked into Sacrament meeting yesterday just as they began the opening hymn. My little family was already seated. The bench was full, so I had to sit behind them, which turned out to be a fabulous move. As soon as I sat down, I noticed my little Smiley (7, almost 8) had an electronic toy and was beginning to play with it. I sat my stuff down, and placed the baby on the bench as I sat down. Then, I leaned over the bench and held out my hand, indicating, ‘hand it over right now’. He immediately began to stuff it into his scripture bag. No, hand it over, I motioned again. He scowled and handed it back to me.
A few moments later, he was messing with the hymn book being held by a friend (14 yr old young man) who had come to investigate the meeting with us. Then he was poking him, fist bumping, turning the pages. I leaned forward again and whispered for him to stop. Then he picked up the hat he had worn to church and started spinning it on his finger. He was seated on the outside seat next to the aisle. I could just see his hat take flight and fling across the room. Again, I whispered, stop now. Another scowl. He slammed the hat into the bench. Another couple of minutes go by and the poking begins all over again. (By now I am thinking, what did this kid eat for lunch??) Again, Smiley, stop now.
By the time the Sacrament had been passed, I had decided we needed to have a little conversation. It was a good thing too, because he had started clicking his shoes against the bench, loud enough that people across the aisle and two benches ahead of us were turning around. Lifting the baby in my left hand, I stood up, and from behind gently pushed my little Smiley to standing. He was very frustrated and, you guessed it, scowling! Come with me, I whispered, and held my hand behind me for him to clasp. We walked into the foyer.
I sat down in the foyer chair, babe on my lap, so my little Smiley could look directly into my eyes.
“Do you know why we are here?” I asked him.
“Because I was making noise with my shoes.”
“Yes, that is part of the reason. Do you know why else?”
“No.”
“How about because you were poking our friend, and trying to fist bump, and messing with the hymn book while he tried to sing, and twirling your hat? Are those appropriate behaviors for the chapel?”
“No.”
“What are we suppose to be thinking about when they are passing the Sacrament?”
“Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.”
“Right. What were you thinking about?”
“Other stuff.”
“Do you think you can return the meeting and behave the way you are suppose to in the meeting?”
“Yes.”
“Are you sure? Because if you chose not to do that, you will need to sit with me instead of with the other children.”
“Yes.”
“OK then. We will go back into the meeting, but it isn’t polite for us to walk in while the speaker is talking. So when she finishes, we will go to our seat. In the mean time, we will stand here at the door, so we will know when she is done.”
“What?! I want to sit down.”
“No, come over here. Stand right here.”
It is so great to stand in the doorway of the chapel, especially in view of the Bishop, especially when the Bishop is your father, seated next to a member of the Stake Presidency! Dirty looks can carry from the stand to the foyer. Did you know that?
When the speaker had finished, we returned to our seats and the rest of the meeting was uneventful.
Rule for parenting boys: Do THIS. Do it now, or THESE will be the consequences. There will be grumbling and scowling, but for the most part, they will obey if their consequences in the past have actually occurred as and when promised.
We are linking up with Heather @ Women in the Scriptures today and sharing our favorite Christmas decorations.
#1 on the list has to be our Santa hats. When I was a girl, I wanted one so bad! Well, when we got married and started having children, I decided we all needed Santa hats! When they go on clearance sale after the holiday, we buy more if we need them. Everyone has one and we have put their names in them. It is a big deal every year. The first thing the kids want is their Santa hat. Speedy even told me he has a friend who has a camo Santa hat. How cool is that? I have seen some of the variations, but my favorites are still the traditional ones. Yea for Santa hats!
I couldn’t resist this one in his Christmas pajamas.
#2. This is my favorite Christmas wreath. My sister-in-law made the wreath. The reindeer is from my best high school friend when they were giving them away free with Burger King meals. I think he is about 24 years old. And the little angel was made by another friend whom I love. I think that is why they are special to me. They come from special people.
#3 I LOVE these little carolers. I made them at an activity when we were visiting my husband’s parents home. (Yes, I went to their RS activity.) I love them so much. They keep falling apart and I keep gluing them back together. I don’t know why I like them so much. It is funny to me that two black haired people would have a blonde daughter and a red-headed son. Guess I should have thought about that before I chose the hair colors, huh?
#4 I also love our Christmas stockings and our tree skirt. I bought them at totally different places and times. But I love the snowmen and reindeer. I realized this year that I decorate in reindeer and snowmen for Christmas and I decorate in navy blue and burgundy……..which is funny. I have a navy blue and burgundy couch and my other couches are burgundy and we just put in burgundy curtains. My wedding colors were navy and pink. I guess I have always liked those colors. Drew kept asking me if I didn’t want them in pink. I told him I must have matured….burgundy is just a mature pink right?
#5. Stocking hangers. I have always loved stocking hangers to hang the stockings from the mantel. We do not have a mantel that would work for hanging stockings on. I have not been able to find quality ones that I really like. These are two of my favorites. I think we only have four and I have never been able to find enough that I like that match. Couple that with the fact that the little ones just pull the stockings and then the quality, heavy hangers fall onto their heads, well, I just kind of bagged collecting them. But I still love these ones, even though they have a few knicks from being dropped plenty of times.
Well that’s it. Those are my favorites, even if they were really posted on Saturday, right? Have a very Merry Christmas! Our favorite tradition? We eat birthday cake on Christmas day to help the children remember that we are celebrating the birth of our Savior, not Santa. For all of the Santa decorations we have, we don’t even have Santa come to the house to deliver gifts.
I am a mother of men. I have been now for about 22 years. I have one sweet daughter, whom I love dearly. But the truth be told, I parent boys. My natural woman always reverts to talking to boys, disciplining boys, motivating boys, working with boys, training boys. When I am working with my daughter, I often parent the boy way until it backfires and then I consciously remind myself this is a girl. Oh, right, girl parenting….let’s see, fingernail polish, social engagements, hair, clothes, right….girls…… (That is a post for another day. This post is about boys.)
I do not remember when it started, but sometime in my parenting journey, I decided I needed to know what the prophets want my boys to know and do so I could help make sure they were doing it. Since then, I have anxiously awaited for the General Conference (click here) Edition of the Ensign (May and November of each year). I open it directly to the Priesthood Session and read the talks.
This month I began with Elder Christofferson’s address. I was floored by these statements:
- We do not have a gaming system. My children have begged and begged for one. We have had people offer to give them to us for free. I considered purchasing a Wii when they first came out. Luckily, when one parent is seriously considering the offer or the purchase, the other parent is unwilling. I believe this has been a huge blessing to our family—mostly because we have so many boys who would waste so much of their time on trying to beat the high scores even if we didn’t have violent games. Also, as we have considered this idea, we have had some children who my dear husband said to me, “You know that child is going to get unapproved games from his friends and he will be up playing them in the middle of the night while we are all sleeping.” I knew his words were true. I don’t think we will ever have a gaming system in our home.
- My children do not have cell phones while they live here. Mostly, this is an economic choice. But I have to say, I believe they interact with each other better, they are kinder to one another, they have to actually talk to each other in order to communicate—no texting or leaving messages for each other. There are no midnight conversations with people who do not live here. There is some down time in their day. There is no internet access through their phone that they do not have.
- We have one computer in the middle of the family room that all can use for their entertainment, socializing, homework. We all have to share it, which makes us all take turns and learn how to cooperate and to be patient, and to plan our activities.
- Our computer is locked. Only the parents have access to the code. This is not about not trusting our children. It is about protecting them. Lucifer knows who they are and knows when/where they are vulnerable. It is irresponsible of us as guardians to allow them temptations that could spiritually damage their soul and future to happen here in our home, a place where they should be safe. The same goes for the television—most of the channels are locked.
- We have one television, no TV’s in the bedrooms. Entertainment is a family experience. We all have to watch it together, which means sometimes we cannot watch a show/movie we want to because it would not be appropriate for smaller children in the room. It requires compromise and team work to find stuff we are all willing to watch.
- We are super selective about the entertainment we view. All movies/shows are previewed by parents before they are watched at all. If we do decided to watch something with the children without a preview, we have to be willing to turn it off at the first sign of anything off-color. If they do it once, it will usually happen again. Don’t wait hoping it will get better, it probably won’t. We also read reviews if say a teenager is going to watch a movie with friends and we do not have time to preview. Discussion is had about the rating and the various aspects of concern: language, violence, or sexual content. Discussions are had of willingness to walk out of the movie/theater/performance even in the case of peer pressure. I think because we are so selective about our viewing, my children have all become avid readers (in which we teach the same selectivity, though we cannot keep up with their reading—we have had to leave their reading choices to their discretion, with obvious veto’s from the parents.)
- Even movies shown at school are previewed. The teachers are aware of how selective we are. The elementary teachers are extremely good about working with us. High school teachers? Not so much. Our children know if they choose to walk out of class because something is morally offensive to them, we will support their decision and they will not be in trouble with us. We applaud their decision making and courage.
- We do not let them go to friend’s homes where gaming is the primary activity. We try to host get-togethers at our home. Friends are always welcome and we will do what we can to have a fun activity in line with our standards. Besides, with boys, it really is about the food, right? We have plenty of that.
- Our children are expected to babysit, cook, clean, change diapers, and provide service to others all because they live here. Period. When I need something of them, I try to be respectful like I would if I were calling someone else. I let them know with plenty of warning. I ask. I work around their homework, personal desires, and social schedules. We try to accommodate everyone involved. When that cannot be done, we ask for sacrifice and we try to spread that around so one person is not always saddled with the burden.
When our last little one was born, we were visiting with staff at the elementary school. The principal commented on what a lucky little boy he was to be born to our home. Quizzically, I looked at her. She said, “I am very serious. He is very lucky to be coming to your house.”
Some of the children’s friends, when they learn of some of the ‘rules of the house’ so to speak, talk about how strict we are and how they would hate to live here. But our 17 year-old, the other day, said, “You know Mom, I can’t help but notice that my relationship with my parents is very different than the relationships some of my friends have with their parents. One friend will always make the opposite choice of the one her parents want her to make, just because she doesn’t want to do something if they want her to.” How sad.
Teenagers, children, all of us, really, need limits, need guidelines, need boundaries. Guard rails along the road are not to inhibit our freedom to drive off of the cliff. They are to keep us on the road to our destination, to help us safely return. Likewise, we have to place our own guardrails up to help our children be successful and guide them along the road to their destinations, that they can arrive unharmed and prepared.
| Photo credit: Mlive.com |
A friend in our ward plays in our community’s symphony and was able to give us complimentary tickets to her performance. We attended Friday evening. It was amazing!! We are not a large community and I did not expect the performance to be anything spectacular. But the musicianship was SUPERB!!! They played several selections from Handel’s Messiah, a few from the Nutcracker, and then had a 15 minute Christmas sing along. It was so much fun!
| photo credit: ecu.edu |
I particularly enjoyed the brass section. As a former trumpet player and musician, the brass has a special place in my heart. I was unprepared for the waves of emotion that I felt during the performance, not so much due to the music, but because I really miss playing. Band was a HUGE part of my life for about eight years, concert band, jazz band, pep-band, marching band. As we left the performance, I figured out that I probably spent about three to four hours a day playing my trumpet in one form or another for the last five years of that time period. I cried because I loved to play. I love the camaraderie of the orchestra and the fun interactions we had during the rehearsals, hours and hours and hours of rehearsal.
As a mother, I do not have time for hours and hours of rehearsal, even for a small season. But I can appreciate the work and musical abilities of those who do and can. Thanks for the beautiful music. I hope I can attend the Symphony more often!! You were incredible!
Today, 22 years ago, I became a mother. I gave birth to my first child. Now I say that I became a mother, but the truth is, I was a mother long before I gave birth. Motherhood, is the true nature of womanhood.
I LOVE this quote from Sister Dew. It means so much more to me knowing that she is a professional woman who has never been married or had children. Instead of looking at what she is lacking in her life, she has chosen to study, ponder, and pray about a topic very dear and sensitive to her heart. She has chosen to embrace the doctrine and to do what she can in her sphere to magnify her eternal identity.
I appreciate the opportunity I have to bear and rear children. I recognize it as a gift and a responsibility. To be honest, I really struggle with the blessing of being asked to do it more often than I would have chosen to. There are many things I would like to be doing that I cannot because I am a mother to so many. I am not complaining. The things I would like to be doing are no where near as important as what I have been asked to do, but it is important to understand that there are plenty of things I have to sacrifice in order to mother so many.
It is interesting, when I let my green-eyed monster roam free, I am sad and dissatisfied with life. But when I can see it through eternity’s lenses, I recognize that those I am jealous of have their own hidden heartaches, sacrifices, and unfilled dreams and desires.
So…….even though I love my brood, I struggle with them too. I know all women are mothers, those who have special gifts given them to love and lead the next generation, whether they give birth to them or not.
Happy Birthday, sweet son!
Love,
buildingeternity.org 