Today I read a blog from a young widow. Her husband died a few months ago in a tragic plane accident that left her alone with their three small children, 4, 3, and 2 months old. Her sister is a dear friend of mine. As I have followed their story and thought about the heartache and the adjustments to life without a husband and a father, I just wanted to take a few moments to express my gratitude for the man in my life.
Drew is absolutely amazing! I don’t know what I would do without him! He is my rock. I can do all the things I do because I know he is there, because I know he will love me even if I make mistakes. He emotionally grounds me.
I am so grateful for the leadership he provides in our family. With so many young men to raise and so much testosterone trying to become the man inside that boy body…it is wonderful to have a father who says, ‘Hey! Don’t talk to my wife that way.’ From the very beginning Drew has insisted on family prayer, family scripture study, family home evening. I cannot even imagine having to do all that we have done–the successes and failures, they heartaches and joy—without him. I cannot even fathom trying to face those things alone and to feel the weight and the responsibility of teaching and training our children without his presence and influence.
I am so grateful for the plan!!! Children need, deserve, and have a right to two parents—mother and father! Family Science literature is just now beginning to understand what fathers do for developing emotional stability in children and families.
My heart goes out to you Shelly!! Hang in there. We will all be praying for you. Today may we forget the little squabbles and be ever grateful that we do not have to face Shelly’s trials. Let us all show our appreciation for those we love, because we just don’t know what tomorrow will bring and if they’ll be here for us to tell them then.
Wow!! It has been forever since I have posted. I’m going to try to be a little better about keeping things posted! Here is life in a nutshell. We moved to a new house in March with a new ward. Slim is off to college. Can’t believe I’m old enough to have a child that old. Spanky is a senior this year, Scuff a sophmore. Sport turns 14 in January—I cannot believe my oldest ones are almost 14 and up! Amazing! Speedy is 10, Sun is 8, Shorty 6, and Smiley 4. Next year, everyone will be in school. I’m currently serving as the RS President, which is keeping me plenty busy with the children. Drew has received many new responsibilities at work, keeping him busy and he is serving as the Sunday School President and the scout committee member responsible for advancement and Duty to God. And yes, Scuff is taller than Drew now. As the third child, he is quite happy to be the tallest!!
Amazing!!! Our backyard needed to have some drainage pipes put in and in order to do so, they had to break up the cement and send the down spouts into the ground and connect them to the pipes. When they put the cement back, we wrote our names in it. It was a lot of fun!! Cement is difficult to write in! (You can see Smiley’s feet in the photo–he needed to see what I was doing with the camera. And he was NOT happy that we did not put ‘Buzz, the Kitty’s’ name in the cement.)
April 24, 2009 Well—here I am–just me and the paper. Here I am free. I can say what I want. The paper will not judge the thoughts and feelings of my heart. It will not tell me what I should or should not do, what I should or should not say, what I should or should not be. It is just me and the paper—the words I put on the paper to mirror the images and feelings deep in my heart. How I long to share those things with others—long to share the innermost parts of my heart. I want to share them with my husband and with my children, with my parents and my siblings, my friends and relatives. Isn’t that the desire within most of us, to share all of ourselves, completely?
I hesitate because I do not always feel safe. I do not feel accepted or ok to be who I am inside. Not everyone understands. Others feel hurt or offended by the secret thoughts in my heart—-not because I think badly of them but because of their own interpretations of what my thoughts mean about them or to them. I really wish we could share those things with one another and just love each other for who we are inside. I do not need to agree with you and you do not need to agree with me. But can we look past our own thoughts, into the heart of another and see and feel of the nobility within them?
I have had that gift for a little while. I have a dear friend. She makes me better than I am. She listens to the whole inside me without judgment, without condemnation. She asks me to think about things in context, to see how others might have felt about my behavior, words, or thoughts. She reminds me of the divine within others. She helps me see the BIG picture, reminds me of eternity, and gives me vision that I may manage the small stuff. How grateful I am for her perspective, for her counsel, for her confidence in my ability to do and be better, to give and love more, and cry for and demand less.
She is moving across the country and I feel so sad that I think my heart is going to break. I don’t want her to leave. I rely on her. I am safe. I am loved. I am celebrated!! Oh that all of my relationships were like that! Because of the wonderful gift our friendship has been, I know it is possible to have that in other relationships. I want that with my spouse, my children, my parents, my grandchildren….It must be a little like how we will feel toward each other in eternity—always helping and supportive, able to think and evaluate, ever loving and moving each other forward.
I am trying so hard to appreciate the gift, the years of our friendship, our time together and our growth, instead of focusing on the fact that she won’t be here with me everyday. How can I show my gratitude for a relationship that most never have in a lifetime instead of whining because it cannot continue forever?
I can look and build that kind of relationship with others. When I feel judgmental or condescending, I can remind myself of my friend. I can see the divine within her and see that others have that too. I can cut them more slack. I can be more patient, more loving, more forgiving. I can reach out more and look in less. When I think others should be more kind and more understanding, I can see if I am offering them the same gifts.
My time is up. I have to continue to live for today and take the opportunities given to me in this time and sphere. I need to recognize the beautiful gifts given, the people, places, and seasons where I have influence and enjoy those who influence me.