Happy Anniversary to Me!!! Family First Friday 2014 #2
Drew and I have been married 24 years today!!! Hip hip hooray!!! I have learned so very, very much! Here are some snip-its, 24 snip-its in fact:
- Marriage is hard work.
- It takes time.
- It takes two.
- Drew is my very best friend, still. Sometimes I have forgotten that.
- Home IS where the heart is. I have to work to keep it here.
- When I do the work and put in the time, it is the most rewarding relationship I enjoy.
- When I do not, life is really difficult.
- The adversary will put in time and effort to destroy my relationships, especially the one with my spouse.
- The Spirit will help me to work out issues and difficulties in my relationship. Elder Eyring: It is only with the companionship of the Holy Ghost that we can hope to be equally yoked in a marriage free from discord. I have seen how that companionship is crucial for felicity in a marriage. The miracle of becoming one requires the help of heaven, and it takes time. Our goal is to live together forever in the presence of Heavenly Father and our Savior. (To My Grandchildren, General Conference, October 2013.)
- Unkind words, spoken in the heat of the moment are often not true.
- The best work of marriage is the change of self required. Most of the issues in my relationship are not due to my spouse. They are because of me. Even when I have justifiable reasons and my spouse has weaknesses, my reaction to those weaknesses is a major player in our discord.
- Learning to trust my spouse and share my heart with him is essential.
- I am not good at either.
- Intimacy between married partners is a gift. It should be treated that way.
- Children deserve parents who are willing to give of self and work out their differences. Once children have arrived, their needs and what is best for them should outweigh desires to act on marital unhappiness. In fact, children often do not even know the parents are unhappy. And unhappily married people who have chosen to remain together are often measured at a greater degree of happiness five years later. In other words, marriage is a cycle. It has ups and downs. If you are not happy today, it does not mean that you will be unhappy in five or ten years. The choice to leave even because of years of unhappiness is not a guarantee or a sign that things will never improve. You may not be giving your relationship enough time or effort. (This is not to say that divorce is never justified….however when only 2% of the people are an exception, 75% of the people will believe they are the exception. I just decided I was not going to be an exception. To be honest, so did my spouse, refer to #3.)
- Humor is a must in any relationship and certainly helps in marriage and parenting. Many, many stresses can be relieved by viewing them through the lenses of humor. This usually takes time, see #2.
- Learning about myself has changed my relationship for the better when I have been willing to change.
- It is important to find things to do together that the two of you enjoy. That may mean letting go of things you enjoyed when you were single and learning to do new things as a couple.
- Sometime #18 is true of friends also.
- Some things should not be discussed outside of the marital relationship, especially those things that are not so important to you but are really important to your spouse. If you do not yet know what they are, you should probably find out.
- Prayer is vital! When you cannot or you should not talk to others, you can always talk to your Father in Heaven. He will give you comfort and peace and with enough obedience and patience, He will give you answers.
- Even when you talk to someone who should be safe, it may come back to bite you. Therefore, before talking to anyone about your marital issues, you should talk to Heavenly Father first and obey His counsel and advice, even if, at the time, it seems contrary to logical thinking. He does actually know what is going on in your spouse’s head and heart, and the hearts of others you may seek to confide in. Just because it is safe and seems logical, does not mean it is right and will not cause problems.
- After all of these years of living together, the ups and downs, the trials and sorrows, the joy, the children……24 years of together…….why would I want to start over with someone else?? What would be the point? To learn all of this over again? I don’t think so.
- Our Father in Heaven wants our marriages to succeed even more than we do. He knows if it is possible. He knows what we need to do to turn sorrow and tragedy into success and happiness and peace.
- One more for the coming year: Love grows, it does not happen to you. You do not fall into or out of love. There is a formula that works: Time together, going places and doing things. Communicating from your heart and in kindness. Sacrificing for your spouse (yes, this means you—-putting your spouse first). Putting away our weapons of war in our relationship (Refer to Alma 24: 17 – 19). Seeking out spiritual growth and development. Patience. Pretty much you can sum it up in this document: The Family: A Proclamation to the World.
Have a great day!! I will 🙂