You already know that my little Spike, Spike has a temper and attitude. He is like many of my children in that respect. But he is also highly, emotionally volatile. He is doing a fabulous job at communicating with words but he often changes his mind in the middle of something and then gets upset if you continue doing what you thought he wanted.
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| Look at this cute face! Does he really look | like he can cause THAT much drama? |
Sundays have been a particular challenge because he has decided that he doesn’t like church clothes. Some Sundays it is the texture of the clothes, others it is the color of the clothes and other days, I don’t really know what the issue is. I could tell this last Sunday was going to be particularly difficult because half an hour before the meetings started, he was still running around the house in a diaper and refusing to put clothes on.
After working with him for about 10 minutes, I left him in the care of his sister to see if she could make more headway than I had been able to. Ten minutes before the meetings started, she still hadn’t been successful. I decided that we needed to put his clothes on, now and I chose clothes for him and stuffed him into them. Of course, he kicked and screamed the entire time. I put his shoes and socks on, he ripped them off. I sent Sun to church while I decided what to do with this very upset little man.
I thought maybe if we got out of the house, he would do better. I put his shoes back on and walked out of the front door and sat down on the step, placing him on the ground in front of me. More kicking, whaling, flailing, and screaming, pulling on his shirt yelling, “Not this!!! Not this!!” I just watched him roll around in the front yard while many ward members were driving by on their way to church.
The debate, of course, was should I take him to church like this or just stay home with his attitude. I finally decided that we needed to go to church, shoes or no shoes. He calmed down enough to sit in my lap and I took the shoes off of him. He asked me to take off his shirt, and I told him only if he would choose different ones. I knew it wasn’t about the clothes because I chose something comfortable, all cotton and the thing he usually chooses for himself. I hugged him for just a moment, then said, “We need to go to church.”
“No Mom!!! No church!!”
I stood up, grabbed his socks and shoes and while he yelled and wriggled and pushed on me, we began the walk to church. He started pulling my hair and yelling, “Help! Help!” Really, I thought? I am your mother. You need help because I am carrying you to church without shoes or socks? Is this really worth the drama?? Good grief!
As we walked into the building, the opening hymn was playing and the Spirit distilled upon my little one. I felt ‘the fight’ leave his little body. I still traveled straight into the Relief Society room because I wasn’t going to manage his attitude in the chapel. We sat there until they began playing the sacrament hymn, at which point, I asked him if he would like to sit in the foyer so we could take the bread and water. “Yes,” was his response. I picked up his shoes and we went into the foyer.
There we sat until they had finished administering the sacrament. “Milk?”
“Yes, you can have your milk. But it is in the chapel. You will need to put your shoes on before we can go into the chapel and get your milk.”
“Milk?”
“Will you put your shoes on now?”
“Yes.”
“OK.” I put his socks and shoes on. They opened the chapel doors and we went in. As we approached our bench, he started to hesitate entering it. He wanted to sit on a different bench. I scooped him up, explained that his milk was in this bench and we needed to sit down. He relented.
We only made it through one speaker before something else set him off and we spent the rest of the meeting in the foyer, him sitting quietly on my lap with my arms around his knees. Needless to say, by the time nursery class rolled around, I think we were both ready for the break.
This was just another evidence to me of my growth in motherhood. I would not have tolerated his behavior as a ‘younger’ mother. Can you even imagine such craziness from a two-year-old. I can see a teenager having that kind of a battle of the wills, but a two-year-old? They are so easily distracted and dissuaded. (Not Spike, Spike, obviously.)
Do I have that same kind of attitude with things I want or think I need and the Lord is telling me otherwise? I know I am strong-willed and stubborn. (Probably comes from my German ancestry!) But geesh!
Also, it just reinforced to me the importance of taking our people to church. It may be a fight to get them there. It may not look pretty and we may not feel like going or seeing other people or being in a public place because of our attitude or the attitude of those we come with. But it is still the right place to be and still where we should be…….all of us. The way his little body melted with the Spirit of the music and the meeting, we all need that, especially when our attitude is screaming that it isn’t what we want!!
Best of luck in the battles that you have raging at your house 🙂 May the Spirit prevail and obedience win out!
Recently I began reading the Book of Mormon again from the beginning. I love the beginning. I love reading Nephi’s words! I love his story and I love his faith! One of my favorite sermons is after his brothers are complaining and murmuring and withholding their labor from him in his efforts to build a ship. As Nephi sorrows over their obnoxiousness, his brothers begin to rejoice and say things like, “Ya….we knew you couldn’t do it!! You are just like Dad, thinking you can do these great things. Right!” Then he pretty much rails on them by bringing up the history of things they agree with, like Moses freeing the children of Israel from Egypt and the many, many miracles that happened as they traveled through the desert for 40 years and then eventually kick the people out of the land they used to live in (you know, before they were slaves in Egypt, so its been a while), and then inhabit that land.
As I was reading that part of the story (1st Nephi 17) , these verses hit me like a ton of bricks:
49 And it came to pass that I, Nephi, said unto them that they should murmur no more against their father; neither should they withhold their labor from me, for God had commanded me that I should abuild a ship.
| lds.org |
Now, what does that have to do with our conversation? I’ll give you a hint: for he is full of dgrace and truth.
Elder Bednar:
In my personal scripture study, I often insert the term “enabling power” whenever I encounter the word grace. Consider, for example, this verse with which we are all familiar: “We know that it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do” (2 Nephi 25:23). I believe we can learn much about this vital aspect of the Atonement if we will insert “enabling and strengthening power” each time we find the word grace in the scriptures.
If I insert the words ‘enabling power’ into that scripture, it sounds like this, “Wherefore, redemption cometh in and through the Holy Messiah; for he is full of enabling power and truth.” That means, with the Savior’s help, I can do all things that are asked of me, by the Lord. I have the power to do it, even when I do not think I do, because He will help me through his grace, which he is ‘full of’ according to Lehi. He can instruct me to do things I do not know how to, and things that are completely overwhelming to me, just like he instructed Nephi to build a ship.
What has the Lord asked you to do that seems overwhelming and impossible? Have you asked for the enabling power of the Atonement to help you along?
It has been a crazy week at our house!! Tuesday we took little Spike, Spike to the doctor with an acute asthma attack. We didn’t end up going to the hospital, but we had lots and lots of medications and a follow up visit the next day. The best part of the drama is that one of the medications they want him to take makes him puke, because the taste is just that nasty. After I tasted it, I understood why he vomits after taking it. So we had to figure out how to get him to take it and not vomit. Can you say chocolate ice cream, anyone? Of course, because he is allergic to milk, it had to be dairy free and cost an arm and a leg at the local hippy-mart, but we found some tasty stuff. It worked for two doses and now he won’t even eat the ice cream, even though he knows it is ‘yummy’. I guess he has associated his yummy with that nasty medicine. Maybe he will never eat chocolate ice cream again….? But I am really tired of washing clothing with vomit all over them, his and mine, and cleaning up the carpets, floors, chairs, etc….
| asthmainstitute.ptt.edu |
He is still struggling to breathe, but it is better. I am still not sure what his triggers were, though we did rearrange the furniture in the family room the day before his attack. Maybe that was it.
Speedy came home and shared a new found insight. He said, “Mom, I have decided it is really great that we come from such a big family where we all like each other and enjoy spending time together. I have met so many people in the last week who come from smaller families and cannot stand their parents or their siblings. They just don’t ever want to be around them. It is so sad.”
I had to agree with him. I love hanging out with my family!! We have a blast and I really like my people!! But I am pretty sure that just because we come from a large family doesn’t necessarily correlate with liking each other. We have put a lot of time and effort into our relationships. (And for those of my children who periodically have an attitude about one or more of those relationships, I plan ample opportunities for them to practice improving those relationships! One of the boys, I actually told that if he didn’t learn to get along with a particular brother, he would have mission companions just like him, and he did……..but their relationship is better now.)
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| An example of how we periodically manage sibling relationships |
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| They were actually happy in this photo and wanting to help one another. |
Yesterday I spent most of the day helping little, little people. A family in our area had their third baby yesterday so her two little ones were at my house for the labor and delivery. Wow!! I forgot how fast a house can be destroyed by a few little ones. While you are cleaning up one mess, they are making a new one. Of course, Spike, Spike did not think it was very cool that there were other little people here taking up my time. For about 1/2 an hour, I added two more littles to the group…that was crazy!! Anyway, all went well and everyone ended up being OK and having their needs met, and they were picked up before the missionaries arrived for dinner.
Here is a thought for stress management: When you are feeling rather stretched to your limit, take a few minutes to free write on a piece of paper. Just write anything that comes to your mind, or any feelings that you have. Don’t worry about trying to make sense of them or to write something coherent. Just write and write and write until you feel like you have put it all out there on the paper. As you look it over, you will probably realize some new things about yourself, maybe some feelings you are having that you didn’t realize were there.
Make some choices. Chances are there are a few things on the paper you can do something about. Make a plan to manage those things or a time to make a plan (for instance, on Monday, I will figure out how to manage [blank]). Chances are, there are also things on the list that you have no control over. Turn those over to God or give the responsibility for them back to the person who they belong to (i.e. if you are worried about your grown daughter’s health and she has to be the one to make the doctor’s appointment, stop stressing about it and let her do it. If she chooses not to, that is her choice and her responsibility. Let go of that stress. You don’t need to carry it around.)
Take a deep breath and change the things you have some control over, and let the rest go. Easier said than done, but with practice, you’ll get better at it. Just looking at this post, I can help my children to have better relationships with one another, but I cannot always control whether or not my baby is going to have an asthma attack (unless it happened because I rearranged the furniture….). But I can control my response to his asthma attack and if I am going to follow the prescribed regimen for his condition.
I had better go now. There are a few things on today’s list, that I do have control over and need to tend to 🙂 Have a great week!! And remember, family first, always!
Do your little people have their own language for certain things? Mine does. Spike, Spike cannot say everyone’s names so he has made up names for the ones he cannot say. He calls Slim, Lee. Spanky is Nice. Scuff is D. Sport is Buddy. He can say Speedy’s and Sun’s names. Shorty is Guys. And for a while, Smilely was Bobo, but now he can say his name too.
The funnier things he has names for:
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Outside or Backyardigans: “RRRRRRah RRRRRRah” (rolling your R’s)
and his latest:
means, I have to go to the bathroom (because we have a monkey shower curtain in his bathroom).
Oh the things little people come up with!
This morning after I changed Spike, Spike’s diaper, I slipped on his pants and we went to his room to find a shirt. He picked one, but refused to put it on. I let it go figuring I would try again in a minute. About 1/2 an hour later, I noticed my little man running around the house without his shirt. I gave him three more options. He chose the same shirt, but again refused to put it on. I told him he needed to wear one and that it was time to get it on. (At our house, we all wear shirts and pants/shorts/skits—something on the top and something on the bottom—just the rules of the house.)
Spike, Spike was not willing to cooperate. I finally just put him in it. He was fighting, screaming, and flailing the entire process—all 30 seconds of it. Then because he cannot yet remove his shirt by himself, he pulled and yelled, “NOT THIS!!” complete with big, alligator tears. It dawned on me that he probably wanted to wear his ‘Uperman” shirt, but it needed to be washed. (We had that conversation earlier in the day.) I asked if he wanted his Superman shirt. “Yes!!! Uperman irt!!”
“Well, it needs to be washed. We will wash it and dry it and then you can wear it. But until it is ready, you need to wear the monkey shirt.”
(I had already let him wear his Uperman shirt three days without washing it and one night was a spaghetti dinner. It really needed to be washed!) “Do you want to help me put it in the washing machine?”
Another light bulb—his breakfast was sitting on the table untouched. I had placed it there two hours ago.
“Are you hungry? Do you need some food?”
“Ya! Ooood!”
I warmed up his breakfast, got his rice milk, and we sat on the step with his oood.
He was scowling. “Just one bite,” I coaxed. “Just one.”
He grimaced and reluctantly took the fork with one tiny piece of French toast attached.
“Put it in your mouth.”
He took a little nibble off of the piece of toast. A look of surprise crossed his face, “Hmmm that’s good.”
“Yep………eat it.”
Then he did.
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It just sounds so much like most of us. We have a specific idea of what we want or how something should go. Then it doesn’t turn out that way and we are frustrated or irritated at the process. We fight. We kick. We scream. (Well, maybe you don’t, but I do….) We want it our way and we will just keep doing things our way until we get what we want!!!
If our needs aren’t being met our attitude is worse—any needs, physical, emotional, spiritual, recreational, psychological, etc…. But this is a key point. When we understand which of our needs is not being met and why THIS particular issue is so important to us (by dissecting the emotions we are feeling and really thinking about why we want it a certain way) we usually can come to realize new information about ourselves, which will either help us meet our unmet need or recognize why we are functioning a certain way. Once our needs are met, the issue usually isn’t that big of a deal, or we have more strength and energy to manage the drama we are creating. (Once Spike, Spike’s blood sugar went up, he didn’t really care that he needed to wear a shirt. The issue was not about wearing a shirt, it was about how hungry he was. He did want to wear a specific shirt, which once it was out of the dryer, we put on him. Does that make sense?)
Sometimes things we are holding fast to, or things we think we cannot do without are really more about unmet needs we may not be aware of. Take care of those needs (easier said than done, because sometimes you really have to analyze yourself to figure them out) and the drama can just go away.
| sophlylaughing.blogspot.com |
Next time you are working with a really frustrated person, child or otherwise, ask them why they are frustrated and listen for clues they share with you about what the particular situation means to them. How are they viewing the situation/interaction/comment? What label are they attaching to the behavior? Find the underlying emotion (it is never anger, anger is always secondary…there is another emotion under that). Label the emotion and ask them if [this] is what they are feeling. Empathize with their emotion, “That must be really difficult,” or “How frustrating,” or “I am so sorry.”
You don’t have to give any advice or fix it for them. Sometimes they just need to know someone else cares how they feel. If they are your baby, pick them up and love them. Fix what you can and let the rest go. Help them make the world right. Take the time. They deserve it.
It’s what Heavenly Father does with His time. Now if someone would just listen to me….Oh Wait! He does!
My little ones were so very excited for school to start!!! Wow! They could not wait!! They were up by 6:30, dressed and ready by 7:00 and asking if they could leave by 7:45. (School doesn’t start until 8:30…..)
My big ones had their first day of seminary!!!
Sun picked up her new glasses.
Spike, Spike just enjoyed the time with Mom.
And Spanky is enjoying his last week before he leaves for college.
I cannot believe we are here!!! Welcome Fall!
Saturday, I was cooking dinner in the kitchen, after a sleep-less night with Spike, Spike and a difficult day. He came into the kitchen and looked up at me. When our eyes met, he made the sign for ‘feed me,’ which is putting your fingers and your thumb in a pinching motion (using your entire hand) and poking it into an open mouth a couple of times.
I said, “Are you hungry?”
He nodded, and made the motion again. I gave him a cracker and he went off. He came back again and did the same thing and I gave him another cracker. He came back a third time and I was just about to give him another cracker but I realized that dinner was finished.
“Do you want some rice?” I asked.
“Rice!!!!”
“And some bread?”
“Bread!!!”
So I fed him dinner.
After the first hand motion and cracker exchange, I just started sobbing. There was no drama, no screaming, no trying to figure out what he wanted, just communication and the exchange. I realized how difficult he has been for me and the stress and struggle we have had. The last two years have been exhausting.
Spike, Spike is very verbal and expects you to understand what he is saying. He gets super frustrated if you don’t get it. He is also very emotionally sensitive. He can tell, by just observing my countenance, if I am unhappy with him, and then his feelings are hurt. He is a very different emotional child than the others I have had. I have to remind myself that I was told, through the Spirit, that he was different. I had many interpretations of what ‘different’ meant. They were all wrong. I am still not sure I can tell you what it is…..but different is the right word. Nothing that is in my ‘motherhood bag of tricks,’ (which is pretty full after eight other children) works with him.
Then yesterday for nursery, I took him into the room and told him it was time for me to leave. He said, “no mommy!” Then I said I would come back for singing time and then pick him up when nursery was over. He said, “OK, Mom, have a nice day…..bye.” And I walked away. Another miracle. Most Sundays I have stayed with him for at least half of the nursery time. Yesterday, I just walked away. And he was fine. FINE! No crying, no screaming, none.
It never ceases to amaze me. Each and every child is so different from one another. I had forgotten that they aren’t all like Spike, Spike. I watched a friend’s little one who is a few months younger than Spike, Spike. He just wandered around the house and played. None of siblings were here. He was happy and content, not demanding. Oh ya….they aren’t all like mine!! And the Lord is in charge of which one’s He sends and when.
I need to learn to trust Him. He will not send me more than I can handle. Just because He sent me a hard one, doesn’t mean He will do that next time.
| thegospelcoalition.org |
Usually, the night before school starts, or the Family Home Evening before school, my husband will give each of our children a father’s back to school blessing. It is something my children look forward to every year. Some years we give everyone their blessing on the same night, other years we stagger it. The year, we staggered it. Slim left for college on Monday morning. Sport and Speedy began classes last Friday. Sun, Shorty, and Smilely all start this coming Monday.
Sunday evening Slim was saying good-bye to friends and was not home when we chose to give Sport and Speedy their blessings. As Speedy got out of the blessing chair, Spike, Spike jumped in and put his hands on his head and said, “Dad, head.”
“Do you want a blessing too?”
“Yep!”
“OK.” And Spike, Spike received his blessing.
Right before we went to bed, Slim was ready for his blessing. All the little ones, Sport and Speedy were in bed. Drew offered Slim his blessing. Then both of our oldest sons laid their hands on their father’s head and blessed him. As I watched them, I was struck with the realization that, pending my children’s righteous choices, we will have priesthood strength in our home for a long time to come. What a huge blessing to me, as their mother! That wasn’t something that was readily available to me as a child.
My father held the priesthood and he gave me blessings when I was sick and young. But as I grew, my father became less active. I don’t remember my father giving me a blessing before school, or for any reason other than illness. I think he just didn’t know all of the different ways he could use his priesthood.
My mother has not had a priesthood holder in her home for the last 25 years. Sunday evening, I just realized what a huge blessing and privilege it is to have a husband and sons who, on a moment’s notice, can offer the power, healing, and comfort available through the priesthood.
Many of us don’t necessarily think of it until it is something we desire…..
….in the middle of the night to comfort or heal a sick baby or little one.
….after an accident.
….during times of significant stress or sorrow.
…..and any other time we feel like it would be helpful.
| tellurideinside.com |
The wonderful thing, is that Heavenly Father makes these blessings available to all of his children. Priesthood blessings are not reserved for members of the church. And within the church, the Lord has set up a system of home teachers, where men are organized in pairs and assigned to a few households within their ward. They visit them, at least monthly, to see how things are going and if they need anything. To families who do not have priesthood holders in their home, the home teachers can provide those services and blessings. So even if you do not have a priesthood holder in your home, you can contact your home teachers to help you.
Isn’t that great?! The Lord loves us all and provides a way for our needs to be taken care of…..but in His time and His way, not ours.
| fishstrong.com |
The other day I lost it. I really lost it. I was so very, very frustrated. The situation?? Well, here in our neck of the woods, it was hotter than normal. Not anywhere near as hot as the rest of you get, but hotter than normal for here. I have a great house. It has air conditioning. I never need to use it. That day, I needed it. It wasn’t working. My sweet son, #2, was trying to fix it, at dinner time, while I was trying to put dinner together. The house was broiling and my dear son had all the doors and windows closed because he was sure he had fixed the air conditioning and it was working. (It was not working.) We were all grouchy, sweaty, stinky people, and it was hot. I finally made an executive decision, declared the air conditioning not working and demanded the doors and windows opened, sent the little ones outside to play in the sprinklers and left to pick my sweetheart up from work.
When he got into the car, he could tell I was frustrated and he asked if I was OK. I indicated that I wasn’t and he asked me to clarify. I growled in frustration and then I unloaded on him. It wasn’t just the heat, or the fact that we couldn’t get the air conditioning working. It was the accumulation of all things not working in my house and all the adjustments we have made so we can live and function anyway with all of these things that kind of work, but just not quite. For example,
…..until last week, we had two vacuums, neither of which worked completely. One would (six weeks ago) vacuum the floor, but the hose wouldn’t work. The other wouldn’t vacuum the floors, but the hose would work. Six weeks ago, they both kind of quit, so we had been without a vacuum. (That is fixed now, so don’t worry about us…another story for another day.)
…..we have a cordless phone with two handsets, one won’t charge, the other you cannot talk on. So one sits in the charger, charging the battery until the one you can talk on has a low battery, then we switch out the batteries, so the low one can charge and we can still talk on the phone.
……a year ago our van died and we had to get rid of it. We were left with a small missionary car (five seat belts, if you squish, which does not really work with teenage boys/men). We have still not been able to replace it. We have made adjustments and for the last year have worked with the one car. Fine. It is only a little obnoxious because I cannot take my entire family anywhere unless I ask for help shuttling them, so I don’t ask often….only for stake conference and missionary homecomings or departures.
….at the beginning of the summer, my hairdryer died, my crock pot died, my iron is almost dead, our TV and computer have been acting up and last week I thought the washing machine had died (it didn’t, we just blew a fuse).
| mrssplapthing.blogspot.com |
Anyway, you get the idea. Now none of these things are necessary…all temporal, and just obnoxious. But $50.00 here and there would take care of most of these issues (with the exception of the car). We just don’t have it in the budget. Normally that is OK, but when we couldn’t get the air conditioning to work, when I know it does and we just can’t figure it out, I just lost it. I had had it. Normally I am not a complaining person. It takes a lot before I blow my top and just feel like I cannot handle another thing, but I was there.
As I unloaded on my sweetheart, I could see in his eyes the pain at not being able to fix those things for me and having them just function. My heart softened as I realized how hard my frustration must be for him, as he is doing the best he knows how to provide for our very large and demanding family. I sunk into the driver’s seat and apologized and we changed the topic. I felt ashamed for complaining. Our life is good, I was just frustrated.
The next morning, we got into the car to take everyone to school and work. I noticed something in my bushes out front, but we were running late so I didn’t get out to check it out. It looked like a propane tank……? I said so. Drew said, ‘So someone dumped their propane tank in our bushes. Whatever. Let’s get to work.’
When I arrived home, I parked the car and headed into the house when I remember the propane tank. I went to the bushes. It wasn’t just one propane tank, it was two, and they were full and brand new. Now, since you do not know the rest of the story, this is not such a great thing, but here is the rest of the story.
Two years ago, my boys helped our elderly neighbor put together a new bar-b-Que grill. She was so excited that she paid them and bought our family pizza that night. Two weeks later, she decided the grill was too big for her. She bought herself a smaller one and gave us the brand new big one. It just needed a propane tank. At the time, my husband didn’t want a propane bar-b-Que. But I did. He didn’t want to spend money to buy the tank and the propane. Because he is managing the budget, I didn’t argue with him. In my heart, I just wanted a propane tank. For the last two years, the grill has just been outside, under its cover, me wishing for propane, but resigned that it wouldn’t happen.
| fanpop.com |
So here is my interpretation of the events of the last two days: Heavenly Father hears my frustration. He knows it is irritating. He knows the desires of my heart. He inspired someone to bring me propane, not one tank, but two—two new tanks, just because he loves me and because who else knows I wanted propane?? It isn’t something I talk about or have advertised. It was just a secret desire of my heart. They put them in the bushes because if they left them on the front step, someone would take them, and they would have.
Last night, the same air conditioning son hooked up the propane and grilled the chicken. It was delicious. (And if someone shows up at the door step and asks for their propane back, I will be sad…. but I will understand. 🙂
This has been a really crazy week. We have been sick—which includes a horrible headache, runny nose, sore throat, nausea, cough, wheezing (for the asthmatics), congestion, and just plain tiredness for about a week. We have had a lot going on, both in our family and in our ward, even at my sweetheart’s work. (I haven’t even planned my primary music for the month, not even for this next week….)
I have been coming down with symptoms of the illness, but I kind of refuse to get sick and just do my own thingy, so I have been able to keep it at bay, mostly. Tonight, I started feeling nauseous. I went walking with my sweetheart anyway (in high school, I learned that if I exercised even when I felt sick I usually felt better afterward and didn’t stay sick very long…..). When I got home, the kiddos still hadn’t had dinner, but Spanky almost had it finished.
In an effort to just relax and recoup, I sat in the living room and found a photocopy of a lesson one of my sons is suppose to present this next month in his priesthood quorum. I decided to read it. It was this one: How do the roles of men and women complement each other in families.
One of the supplemental talks for the lesson was this article by Elder Ballard: The Sacred Responsibilities of Parenthood.
He expresses participating in preparing The Family: A Proclamation to the World.
Then he discusses the Adversary’s attacks on the family. I was particularly struck by these paragraphs:
3. Mothers. The proclamation teaches that “mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children.” Nurturing refers to parenting behaviors such as warmth, support, bonding, attachment, recognizing each child’s unique abilities, and attending to children’s needs. Nurturing in and of itself is more important in the development of a child than is any particular method or technique of child rearing. It hardly needs saying that nurturing is best carried out in a stable, safe, family context.
A mother’s nurturing love arouses in children, from their earliest days on earth, an awakening of the memories of love and goodness they experienced in their premortal existence. Because our mothers love us, we learn, or more accurately remember, that God also loves us.
Today there is significant pressure in our materialistic world to have and spend more money. Unfortunately, this draws married mothers to work outside the home in order to provide a second income. As husbands, wives, and children recognize the difference between basic necessities and material wants, they lessen family financial burdens and contribute to helping mothers be at home. Decisions about working outside the home are difficult ones and need to be made prayerfully, keeping ever in mind the counsel of the living prophets on this complex issue. (IBID)
I almost cried, OK, I did cry. I thought about what had just happened at my house today with my little Spike, Spike. He is one of my asthmatics. He has been horribly wheezing with this illness. His eczema is inflamed. I took him to the doctor on Friday. He needed breathing treatments every four hours. Tuesday I took him for a recheck. Still wheezing. The doctor gave us an oral medication to help out. My little Spike, Spike is super sensitive. The oral medication made him puke, and I only gave him 1/4 of the dose. I gave him a breathing treatment hoping it would help and then gave him another 1/4. He puked again, this time all over both of us. I took his clothes off. We bathed him, put the special cream on his eczema, lotioned up his little body, put him in jammies, and gave him more rice milk. He threw his arms around me and said, “Huggie!”
Then I thought about what I did today for my people:
Spike, Spike: see above, and a trip to the doctor.
Smilely: gave him ibuprofen for his headache.
Shorty: let him eat all the extra meat and make a special lunch
Sun: checked her ears, made her a doctor appointment for tomorrow, picked up her school books, braided her hair.
Speedy: Spent an hour and a half registering for school, paperwork, and photos
Sport: also spent an hour and a half registering for school, paperwork, and photos, plus extra running around.
Spanky: he did more for me today than I did for him—he actually fixed my washing machine—a huge blessing and gift, and we watched a movie together, took him to the dentist for the first time in two years.
Slim: dropped off at work and dropped his suits to the dry cleaners, so they are clean when he leaves for school.
Not that any of those things are outside of my motherly duties, but if I was otherwise occupied, with work, or friends, or social engagements or volunteer stuff or whatever…………..who would have helped my people. The answer??? No one. I am a nurturer. I am their nurturer. Elder Ballard’s words are amazing:
A mother’s nurturing love arouses in children, from their earliest days on earth, an awakening of the memories of love and goodness they experienced in their premortal existence. Because our mothers love us, we learn, or more accurately remember, that God also loves us.
My nurturing does that for MY children. Because I love them and nurture them, they remember that God loves them. Could anything be more important than helping my children remember, on a daily basis, that the most amazing being in the universe loves and cares about them?!
I am not just a mother, for my children, I am THE Mother, and for yours, you are (unless you are their father! 🙂
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