| Families are Forever

Ruminations and revelations……

Posted on September 16, 2016 By Carin in Uncategorized

I know, I know……where have I been?!!

Well, the truth be told, I have been managing some very deep and personal emotions over the last year or so and I have not been and am still not ready to process them in public. Life of course, has carried on. We have done many fun and important things….life is still good.

The processing however, has been super slow. Its not a bad thing. It just is what it is. I can’t make it go any faster, even though I would like it to be done and over with. It is a process and I am in the middle of it.

I have come to a few revelations recently…..now they are really not new, but my understanding of them and ability to apply them….that is new. Here they are:

1. I am not responsible for other’s feelings…..not their reactions…..or the meanings they attach to my behavior. If they really want to know what is going on in my head and my heart, then they should probably just ask me and not make assumptions and allow those assumptions to hurt their feelings. Their hurt feelings are not my fault, even if their hurt feelings are attached to my behavior.

2. When I respond with Christ-like love, compassion, and kindness to their misunderstanding and hurt feelings, things work better and I am more in control of my emotions. When I let my anger, hurt and frustration rule my response to their ridiculousness, we all lose and it gets ugly. Kindness is the key. My husband gave me a necklace for Christmas. It is a simple silver key. I wear it and remind myself that kindness is the key particularly when I am feeling vulnerable to respond in the ‘natural Carin’ way instead of the Christ-like way.

3. Christ focuses on others, even when He himself is hurting. Today in seminary we studied Matthew 14 where the Savior learns of John the Baptist’s beheading. Did you know that was his emotional place when he performed the miracle of the five loaves and two fishes? Did you know that there were five thousand MEN that he fed with those five loaves and two fishes—that there were women and children there too? He probably fed over 10,000 people……when he himself, just wanted to be apart from everyone and mourn the loss of his beloved cousin and the forerunner of His ministry. This particular story touched my heart more than I knew was possible. So many times as a mother, I just want to run screaming from the room and say, “I am sorry you have all of these needs….I need a moment to attend to my own sorrow, or stress or whatever.” Christ would not respond that way. He looked on the multitude with compassion and when the disciples said, “It is late, let us send them away….” Christ said, no….and then took care of them, regardless of His personal pain. I want to be able to respond like that.

4. The Savior is patient with us. He waits for us to figure it out and then gives us further insight or something else to think about. I have come to a place recently where I, in a small measure, recognized emotionally what I gave up when I left my parents and siblings to go to BYU. It is a normal thing for college aged kids to go off to college after graduation right? Well, things were not normal at my house when I left. My mother had just left our family and left all six of us kids with my dad. My dad wanted me to stay home and take over for my mother and help the family in this time of crisis. I knew however, that their ship was sinking and no amount of effort I could put in was going to save it or keep it afloat. I knew that if I didn’t leave when I did, I would spiritually sink with the boat. I left them, children and all, to save myself spiritually. In order to do that, I had to distance myself so far emotionally just so I could survive in my new environment and not mourn the people and things I left behind. I chose God, over my family. Most of them have still not forgiven me for making that choice. They likely never will. I am finally looking back at what I left behind and mourning for those people and relationships. Now, I am not reliving that, just recognizing the sacrifices that were made and mourning those losses, so I can allow my Savior to heal me, instead of having them buried underneath 30 years of life. Functionally, I am cleaning out the closet and finding some nasty stuff in there. As I came to that realization, the Spirit’s gentle whisperings were “I need you to see what you have done in the past and recognize the strength you have within….” I have the feeling I am going to need that knowledge in the near future. I am not excited…….

5. The Savior asks us to do really hard things, but waits patiently until we are willing and able to do it. I have been trying to drop 30 pounds for about 10 years…… I try and try and try but seem to have these emotional places that get in my way. (I think I have gained and lost the same 10 pounds 10 or 15 times.) I have not been able to break through them to figure out the psychological reasons why I eat the way I do and cannot seem to maintain proper food intake to have the results I want. Today during my scripture study, I had a major emotional breakthrough. I think I understand why it has been so hard and I can see that without my new understanding of today, I have not yet been successful in years worth of effort. I think I am ready and now I believe I am capable of actually dropping the weight and keeping it off. Theory is always different than application and my new knowledge is theory. There will still be some ‘falling off the wagon’ as I learn to apply the new knowledge. I will struggle. I will make mistakes. I will have some failures. But as I keep moving forward, I will also have more success than I have in the past. I need to be patient with myself and not beat myself up because it is a process and it is hard and it is new. I can do it, with His help.

6. Each of us has to learn to rely on our Father in Heaven. I recognized this morning that in all of my life, my Father in Heaven has put people in my life who have been able to provide me with the emotional support I need. I have always had someone there who fed me emotionally…….until recently. In the last few years, all of those people have moved away from me. I have not really been able to talk with anyone regularly about the deep troubles in my heart. I have had to learn to pour them out to my Father in prayer. It is never usually one great big long prayer…..but lots of teeny prayers throughout the days. It is hard sometimes when I do not feel supported or fed. But He never leaves me hanging. Like Peter when he was walking on the water, every time I get to the point where I just can’t do it by myself and I am starting to sink, I call, and He reaches out to me. He pulls me close and lets me cry and gives me enough encouragement to dust myself off and try again. Which leads me to my last point……

7. I can trust Him. I do not trust anyone. I allow people to participate in my life to an extent. But I have never trusted most of them with all of my heart. I have been hurt emotionally too many times by people who are suppose to protect me and love me. It is an every day work and effort for me. Every Day! He wants me to share my best self with people. I don’t yet. Because I know people are going to hurt me…..He is asking me to let others in. I am afraid they will ruin the curtains and jump all over the furniture and graffiti on the walls of my soul. I keep them at a distance, so they cannot do that to me. He reminds me that even if they do those things to me, He will heal me. He will always come. He will never let me go. Only I can let go of Him, but He will not let go of me……EVER! He is God. He cannot lie or He would not be God. I can trust Him to take care of me, even when no one else will. This has been the hardest doctrine of all to apply. I forget it daily and need to be reminded.

I cannot believe I am writing. I have not wanted to look that deeply into my soul but these things have been running around in there for quite a while.

I love teaching seminary!! My class is GREAT this year! We went from a class of six to a class of 16—pretty regularly! We have 21 on the rolls and only one student has not shown up at least once. I feel that is a huge success! And we are at the point where the class talks together and communicates with one another. We have seven sets of siblings, which provides its own unique challenges. But we are working on it.

Now that I have ventured into my soul, maybe I will update you on real life in a few days…..maybe not. I may still have more things to think about without putting it out on the blog. But we will see.

Until then, just know that I know Jesus Christ heals. He is real. He knows you personally, all of you—heart, sorrow, sin, thoughts, beliefs……all of it. You do not have to hide from Him. He knows where you are anyway, so you might as well just face yourself in the mirror, acknowledge where you are, and decide to do what you need to to be who you want to be.

It is so freeing to be true to yourself, especially when that truth is in line with His Truth! Have a great weekend!

Healing….

Posted on June 28, 2016 By Carin in Uncategorized

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I had the impression that I needed to call my mother today. That is fine. I haven’t spoken to her for a few months. I made the call and we spoke. We ended up speaking about things when I was a little girl. I just rattled off some of the things I could remember:

Sitting in my mother’s bedroom on her bed while the hailstorm poured outside of our house. Eventually, the hail destroyed our front room window. There was glass and hailstones all over the front room. We never felt scared though because we were safe with my mother.
My brother setting the field on fire during a very dry Texas summer. He went to the fire station to be scolded on being more safe with fire. Instead he got to turn on the fire truck lights and slide down the pole. I was so jealous, I considered lighting the field on fire.
My other little brother got his heel caught in the spokes of one of my parent’s bicycles when they put him into the child seat and rode around.
My grandmother in Oregon made me a teddy bear for Christmas because I was living so far away from her. I remember sticking my fingers through the wrapping paper and feeling his fur.
Throwing up outside of my mother’s bedroom door, in the middle of the night, because I was sick.
The scorpion falling off of the ceiling and into my bowl of cereal.
Hiding and crying in my bedroom closet because my mother lost a baby and it was a boy and I wanted a sister (I already had three brothers at the time) and didn’t think God loved me or was listening to the desires of my heart.
Jumping the fence on the side of the house and getting my shirt caught on the cap of my tooth. When I jumped down, the cap came shooting off. I searched in the grass for what seemed like a long, long time but couldn’t find it. Late that night, my mother noticed, asked me about it, I feigned ignorance and she was sure that I had swallowed it without knowing and insisted that we go to the hospital and x-ray my stomach looking for it. It was in the grass on the side of the house. I never told my mother, until I was married with many, many children.
Catching lizards and climbing trees. One day we even caught an armadillo! That was a great day!

As we were talking, it came up that I had spoken with my father on Father’s Day. We discussed my grandparents’ accident and how it has and did affect my father. My father actually shared some of his feelings with me that Father’s Day. My mother was surprised. Then she told me some things about my grandparents and my father that I didn’t know.

My grandfather visited bars every night after work. My grandmother would send my father to the bar to bring my grandfather home, almost every night.
My grandfather didn’t think that my father was capable of very much or that he had the skills necessary for helping him.
My grandparents built a house. My father was a plumber and had been taught to do that and some electrical work, and building skills by my uncle who was a contractor. My father offered to help his parents with the work and save them some money. Grandpa didn’t think Dad could do it and hired a contractor instead of accepting my father’s offer for assistance.
My father won’t accept responsibility for anything being his fault…..my brothers struggle with the same thing. On the flip side, the women all accept more than their fare share of responsibility, even for things that are not their fault.
My mother tried to get my father to attend counselling for their marriage. He wouldn’t go and said there wasn’t a problem.
My mother tried to get my dad to go on a second honeymoon. My dad wouldn’t do that either. Part of the reason was because the money came from my grandparents’ estate.

As we continued to talk about my dad and the things my mother knew that I had no clue about, my understanding and compassion toward my father grew. I recognized how hard life must have been for him. How unloved he must have felt and probably does feel. His brother and sister rarely talk to him. His parents are deceased. My mother left him. He feels like I abandoned him also, and many of my siblings can only handle so much of his toxicity before they have had enough and need some space.

Over the last year, I have learned a lot of things about my father that I didn’t know. The information is helping to change my perspective of who he is and where he is and what are realistic expectations to have of him. I am more capable of managing conversations with him, especially when he says something intended to hurt me. I can let the comments roll off, and even better, I can place appropriate responsibility for behavior where it lies. I can take what is mine, and I can give what is his back to him without accepting what isn’t mine and without being mean or hurtful. Those skills have been invaluable in building something between us.

The Lord has given me time and space to develop into a person who can manage some abuse and then appropriately place it back where it belongs without doing harm. Because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the doctrines of the gospel, I am more capable of properly handling negative emotion and abuse, without it affecting me like it used to. I am healing. Hopefully, I will be able to share some of those things with my father, and he will be able to heal also.

The other miracle that happened in our conversation, was that for the first time, my mother admitted that she had made bad choices that hurt her family. In all of our conversations in the past, she has not expressed what happened in those words, where she said, I did this, and I shouldn’t have. That is healing to me as well. I don’t need her to apologize. I just have wanted her to recognize that her decisions affected the rest of us and she was in control. She could have made a different choice. Now, she can completely repent, heal and let go.

I am so grateful for the principles of the gospel!! How amazing they are when we live them and allow them to penetrate our hearts and become a part of who we are. I am so grateful for Jesus Christ and His example of how to treat people who do wrong to us, and shows us how to forgive and then gives us an opportunity to practice!

Believe…..

Posted on June 26, 2016 By Carin in Uncategorized

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With all of the desperate needs in the world, I struggle to believe that I deserve to have certain blessings in life. A few weeks ago, I read (on CNN because that is the only place I ever read the news) how Venezuela was having rolling black outs because their major source of electricity to power their state is a river and because of the drought, their river is all dried up. For a while, it was just an hour or two a day, now it is days in a row. Businesses are shutting down because they cannot keep running without electricity, so people are not working as much. They showed a typical home, with all of the electronics we have….stereos, computers, stoves, air conditioning, television, lights…..all just sitting there because there was no electricity to power their appliances. Can you imagine how uncomfortably hot and nasty it must be in a South American country without air conditioning? I can’t even think about it. I am completely spoiled here in Northern California when we all think we are dying of heat when it hits 75…….if ever.

A few days ago, I read about how Argentinians are missing work and school to stand in line to purchase food. Adults are eating only one meal a day, or skipping a day of food so there is enough food for the children. And the children aren’t getting enough food either. The economy is collapsing in Argentina and the people are suffering, especially the children who do not have enough nutrition to be growing properly.

And then of course, there are the horrible atrocities happening across the globe with sex slavery, ISIS trying to establish a global Shariah law, famine in various lands, and the natural disasters that occur all over and kill people and make them homeless–even just those things in our own communities here in the United States.

I attended a city council meeting this week because Speedy needed to be there for a class. Our gas taxes have been paying for the street sweeper. Our city council has outsourced that to the garbage company here in the area. Of course, that is going to make our garbage prices rise (I am not speculating…that was part of the discussion at the meeting…..). And they approved doing a study to see how much our sewer and water prices should rise. Of course, they are not going to return our gas taxes. The city has other plans for that money. So they plan on raising our rates for these services, and they have our police department clearing out the homeless population instead of being available for things like traffic accidents and burglaries. We had a friend in an accident, who rolled his car and sat unconscious, upside down, for 15 minutes before the police arrived, in traffic. But we are sending three to four patrols through the homeless population area each day. What is wrong with us? If you are going to raise my taxes and my rates, I don’t want to pay them to the garbage man and the sewer people. I want that money to go to the police and the people who are actually helping our homeless population. How about hiring some of those people to sweep the streets so they have a job and can house their families? I need to write a letter to our city council…..I know, I know…..I will get to that.

But with all of these bigger problems (much bigger than the stresses that I have), I struggle to feel like I deserve to have a life with a lot of material blessings and plenty of monetary resources. I want all people to have food, shelter, love. I want that for every person across the globe. And when so many have so little, I feel undeserving of asking or having more.

For the first time, in a long time, my husband took me out to dinner. We just got Chinese take-out and went and ate it at the beach. Why did we do it? Because for the first time in our married lives we are finally out of credit card debt. Now, just so you have some kind of a perspective, Drew and I have never purchased anything that cost more than $250, in all of our married lives. We have purchased one car that cost $2,000 for which we made $50 monthly payments….seriously. That is the only car we have ever purchased. We have never purchased a new TV, a bed, computer, or furniture that we have needed to pay more for than $250. Isn’t that crazy? So it is not like we have been spending our money for things of no worth. We have used it to buy shoes, fix the car, or go to the dentist, or purchase necessary clothing—by that I mean a pair of pants here or there—not wardrobes or even seasons of clothing.

We are not out of debt. We still have student loans we are working on. And we do not have a mortgage.

The Lord has been trying to help me see that contrary to the way the world works, His desire is that all of His children have everything that He does. He wants everyone to have enough clothing, shelter, food, and love too. He does not want some to suffer and have nothing and starve or freeze, and others to have everything. That is not His program……it is how unrighteous stewards have managed the resources that are available. There is enough on the earth for all of us and more. The Lord has provided that. As an all-wise, all-knowing, all-loving Father, He does not want some of His children to have more than others. He desires all of us to have everything we need and much of what we want. How do I know? Well, scriptures like this:

D&C 104:17
17 For the earth is full, and there is enough and to spare; yea, I prepared all
things, and have given unto the children of men to be agents unto themselves.

Matthew 5:45
45 That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh
his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.

Matthew 6:25-34

25 Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life,what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat,and the body than raiment?

26 Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?

27 Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature?

28 And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin:

29 And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.

30 Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and tomorrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?

31 Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat?or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?

32 (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.

33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

34 Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.

And who could forget King Benjamin? Mosiah 2: 10-26

10 I have not commanded you to come up hither that ye should fear me, or that ye should think that I of myself am more than a mortal man.

11 But I am like as yourselves, subject to all manner of infirmities in body and mind; yet I have been chosen by this people, and consecrated by my father, and was suffered by the hand of the Lord that I should be a ruler and a king over this people; and have been kept and preserved by his matchless power, to serve you with all the might, mind and strength which the Lord hath granted unto me.

12 I say unto you that as I have been suffered to spend my days in your service, even up to this time, and have not sought gold nor silver nor any manner of riches of you;

13 Neither have I suffered that ye should be confined in dungeons, nor that ye should make slaves one of another, nor that ye should murder, or plunder, or steal, or commit adultery; nor even have I suffered that ye should commit any manner of wickedness, and have taught you that ye should keep the commandments of the Lord, in all things which he hath commanded you—

14 And even I, myself, have labored with mine own hands that I might serve you, and that ye should not be laden with taxes, and that there should nothing come upon you which was grievous to be borne—and of all these things which I have spoken, ye yourselves are witnesses this day.

15 Yet, my brethren, I have not done these things that I might boast, neither do I tell these things that thereby I might accuse you; but I tell you these things that ye may know that I can answer a clear conscience before God this day.

16 Behold, I say unto you that because I said unto you that I had spent my days in your service, I do not desire to boast, for I have only been in the service of God.

17 And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God.

18 Behold, ye have called me your king; and if I, whom ye call your king, do labor to serve you, then ought not ye to labor to serve one another?

19 And behold also, if I, whom ye call your king, who has spent his days in your service, and yet has been in the service of God, do merit any thanks from you, O how you ought to thank your heavenly King!

20 I say unto you, my brethren, that if you should render all the thanks and praise which your whole soul has power to possess, to that God who has created you, and has kept and preserved you, and has caused that ye should rejoice,and has granted that ye should live in peace one with another—

21 I say unto you that if ye should serve him who has created you from the beginning, and is preserving you from day to day, by lending you breath, that ye may live and move and do according to your own will, and even supporting you from one moment to another—I say, if ye should serve him with all your whole souls yet ye would be unprofitable servants.

22 And behold, all that he requires of you is to keep his commandments; and he has promised you that if ye would keep his commandments ye should prosper in the land; and he never doth vary from that which he hath said; therefore, if ye do keep his commandments he doth bless you and prosper you.

23 And now, in the first place, he hath created you, and granted unto you your lives, for which ye are indebted unto him.

24 And secondly, he doth require that ye should do as he hath commanded you; for which if ye do, he doth immediately bless you; and therefore he hath paid you.And ye are still indebted unto him, and are, and will be,forever and ever; therefore, of what have ye to boast?

25 And now I ask, can ye say aught of yourselves? I answer you, Nay. Ye cannot say that ye are even as much as the dust of the earth; yet ye were created of the dust of the earth; but behold, it belongeth to him who created you.

26 And I, even I, whom ye call your king, am no better than ye yourselves are; for I am also of the dust.

These scriptures help me to know that our Father in Heaven is a loving and gracious Father who desires His children, all of them, to have the things they need and to be treated kindly, justly, and with respect. That is not the reality for most of us. It is the ideal. Why? Why is life like this?

Elder Alexander B. Morrison asks the same question:

Troubles, great and small, seem to be the natural lot of mankind. In our darkest moments, we may agree with Macbeth’s declaration that life is “full of sound and fury, signifying nothing” (William Shakespeare, Macbeth, 5.5.27–28). However, the scriptures and God’s prophets teach us the fallacy of Macbeth’s bleak philosophy and help us recognize that what we call life is a gift of galactic dimensions, a treasure beyond the counting, a time to prepare for the next steps in our eternal journey.

In Alma 34:32–33 we read: “For behold, this life is the time for men to prepare to meet God; yea,behold the day of this life is the day for men to perform their labors. … This day oflife …is given us to prepare for eternity” (emphasis added). Helaman told his sons Nephi and Lehi, “And now my sons, … [my]desire is, that ye may … lay up for yourselves a treasure in heaven, yea, which is eternal, and which fadeth not away; yea, that ye may have that precious gift of eternal life, which we have reason to suppose hath been given to our fathers” (Hel.5:8).

I bear my witness that life is a gift, unfolding day by day, and, yes, it is sometimes full of sound and fury—but signifying everything. At this season of gift giving and gift receiving, this season of rejoicing in the great gifts that our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ have given us, it is most fitting to ponder their greatest gift of all—the gift of life.

What, then, is the meaning of life? What are its central purposes? Can they ever be identified and understood by mortals? These are questions which in one form or another have occupied the time and attention of thoughtful men and women throughout the ages.

He suggests four reasons for life on earth:

1. To gain a body

2. To be tried and tested

3. To become like Jesus Christ

4. To establish our eternal families.

Regardless of our circumstances, these are central purposes to all of us who live or who have ever lived on Earth. We all have the opportunity to forgive others, become the spiritual master of our temporal flesh, to learn to treat others kindly and justly even in the face of persecution and judgement. And many of us, as we come to know who God is and what He expects of us, will have the opportunity to create eternal families as we become worthy to enter His holy temples and take our families there to be sealed eternally.

The trick is to believe that these things are possible for us and then to act in faith on the hope that we will one day, regardless of our circumstances, achieve these blessings that He has promised to all those who will obey His voice and keep His commandments, which includes receiving all that the Father hath….

D&C 84:33-38

33 For whoso is faithful unto the obtaining these two priesthoods of which I have spoken, and the magnifying their calling, are sanctified by the Spirit unto the renewing of their bodies.

34 They become the sons of Moses and of Aaron and the seed of Abraham, and the church and kingdom, and the elect of God.

35 And also all they who receive this priesthood receive me, saith the Lord;

36 For he that receiveth my servants receiveth me;

37 And he that receiveth me receiveth my Father;

38 And he that receiveth my Father receiveth my Father’s kingdom; therefore all that my Father hath shall be given unto him.

Have a great Sabbath…and believe that the Lord loves you and desires you to have all He hath…if you are willing to do what He asks.

Summer Time…..

Posted on June 22, 2016 By Carin in Uncategorized

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Here at the Lund house, my kiddos would really like to just sleep in every morning, stay up late every night, and just watch tv and play video games every day. I think that would be their ideal summer. Unfortunately for them, I am not that mother. I do not put too many expectations on them during school. They each have their various activities and homework and if they are over 12, I expect them to manage their own laundry and do their nightly chore or responsibility in reference to dinner—which translates to, they either wash the dishes, empty the dishwasher, take out the trash and sweep the floor, or clear and wash the table and put away the food. Yes, I have to spell it out that clearly, or it doesn’t get done. And sometimes even when they are busy, they do not do their job and I end up doing it in the morning. Ugh!

But! During the summer, they are mine, Baby!! I try to help them keep some kind of a schedule, just because this group of kids will do nothing if they can get away with it. This is probably the most structured summer we have ever had!

I thought you might like a look into our schedule. So here it goes. I gave each of the kids a day to plan, prepare, cook, and clean up after dinner. They voted to do the whole enchilada one day, instead of having little jobs each day. That was fine with me, as long as they do the job!! For dinner this week, this was the menu:

Monday (Sun’s Day): Hawaiian Haystacks. Rice, broiled chicken, homemade gravy, pineapple, olives, and peas.

Tuesday (Shorty’s Day): Potato Pizza (ya…I thought this would not be so great….but it is actually pretty good…..as long as you provide some kind of vegetable…..I’ll throw out a recipe for this one in a few days).

Wednesday (Spike Spike’s Day): Breakfast Souffle. This is hysterical. Spike has been planning on cooking since I told the kids they would be doing this. Every day, he wants to know if it is his day. This morning, when I went to wake him up for prayers before Drew left for work, he says, without moving any of his body and laying on his face, “What time is it?” “7:30.” Still not moving, “What day is it?” “Wednesday” “You mean my souffle day?” “Yes!” He whipped the covers off and jumped out of bed…….”I am the cook today!” I died laughing! Yes, your souffle day. He doesn’t even like eggs. He just asked for a cooking set for Christmas and this recipe was one in the kit. So this morning, we put together the souffle. It is sitting in the fridge, ready to be pulled out and cooked later tonight for dinner. I’ll be totally shocked if he actually eats it!

Thursday (Speedy’s Day): Chili Egg/Potato skillet. I’m not terribly excited about this one either…but I’ll let you know later how it was.

Friday (Smiley’s Day): Campbell’s Bean Soup, fried bread, carrot sticks, and pickles. I have been trying to encourage more use of vegetables and carrot sticks and pickles is the extent Smiley would compromise. So be it for this week.

Saturday (Mom and Dad): Tuna Sandwiches and Salad

Sunday (Mom and Dad): Asian Salad and Rice

We ask them to get up at 7:30 a.m. so we can say prayers as a family before Drew leaves for work. I have also been trying to get my teens to do their own scripture reading so they can develop those habits for themselves. Shorty probably does the best at this. He is the most organized and on top of managing himself and his stuff. I never have to remind him to do his work, or wash his laundry, or shower, or anything! Speedy is taking some summer classes, so he is still a little bogged down. But he and Sun both are trying to finish their seminary reading of the Old Testament, before we start the New Testament in the fall.

I also gave each child a specific day of the week for their laundry. Again, Sun and Speedy have trouble with it.

Sun also has a hike next week, so we are trying to walk some each day to help her prepare. By next week, she needs to be able to do five miles. We are still at one……working……bit by bit, right?

And so that we weren’t bored this summer, I decided that each day we would focus on a specific area that we could do together as a family.
Monday: Bedroom day–each person spends some time in their bedrooms to organize, clean out, dust, etc…
Tuesday: House day—clean out a major room in the house including deep cleaning–maybe by the end of the summer our house will show the work we put in???
Wednesday: Brain day—today we are going to the library and doing logic problems We also have to do some of our house cleaning since yesterday we planned and prepared for girls’ camp and worked on Sun’s quilt.
Thursday: Yard day—-weeding and weeding and weeding……need I say more?
Friday: Play day–this week Shorty is trying to complete some merit badge requirements for his Geo-cashing merit badge. So we are going to do a few of those as a family.
Saturday; Sun still has rehearsal for three hours and Drew is home (so the schedule fluctuates).
Sunday: Reserved for observance of the Sabbath.

That is what we are doing this summer. We don’t have any specific family plans. Later in the summer the boys have scout camp and Sun and I have girls’ camp and a trip to Disneyland for her KidCo group. When we get back, school starts! Crazy!

And I am hoping I can convince my sweetheart to spend some money and let us all swim at the neighborhood pool for a month. Everyone swims except Spike. So if we could just go almost every day and play for a couple of hours, that would help him to begin developing some of the skills necessary.

Spike Spike is also working on his reading skills, as he will be entering kindergarten in the fall. I know he doesn’t need to be reading for kindergarten, but the schedule and demands of conforming to someone’s schedule beside his own is going to be difficult enough for him. If he doesn’t have to stress about the academics, it will be an easier transition for him.

What plans do you have for your people this summer? Do you have specific goals, temporal or spiritual for each of those little ones who live with you? Now is a great time to make up things, or prepare for what is coming….when we don’t have other matters pressing in upon us! Make the most of your time with them, and have fun!!

Blessings of the Work!

Posted on June 20, 2016 By Carin in Uncategorized

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Yesterday, Drew’s dad told us a fabulous story! He is the High Priest’s instructor for his ward and yesterday he was responsible for teaching lesson 12 in the Howard W. Hunter manual. As he presented and read these words:

While I was serving as a stake president in the Los Angeles area, my counselors and I asked our bishops to carefully select four or five couples who wanted to further their progress in the Church. Some were less active, others new converts—but they were motivated to spiritually progress. We got them together in a stake class and taught them the gospel. Rather than emphasizing the temple, we stressed a better relationship with our Heavenly Father and his Son, Jesus Christ. Our careful selection process assured success, and the majority of these couples did become active and go to the temple.

he realized that his family is a current example of these specific efforts of President Hunter. My father-in-law grew up in the Los Angeles area. He currently resides there. President Hunter was his stake president when he was a boy. When President Hunter became their stake president, my father-in-law’s father was completely inactive. His mother was not a member. He was 12. They were asked to participate in these classes. Eventually, over time, Drew’s grandfather became active. His grandmother joined the church. By the time my father-in-law was 16 and his sister (I think) was 7, his family was prepared to attend the temple and they were sealed as a family. From this beginning, my father-in-law’s sister married in the temple, her three sons served missions, and three of her five children have intact temple marriages. My father-in-law has three children who have each married in the temple, Drew is serving as bishop, his sister’s husband is currently the bishop of their ward, and the other sister’s husband is serving in the bishopric. Three of the grandsons have served missions and one is out. President Hunter’s efforts and the efforts of his bishops, and home and visiting teachers have directly affected the lives of generations of our family!! Can you imagine the feelings and emotions that must have washed over him as he read and taught those principles realizing the happiness of so many of his descendants are the beneficiaries of such time and love and effort?

Contrast that with my family. My parents were sealed two months before I was born. I am the oldest child. By the time I was 18, both of my parents were excommunicated. None of my siblings, or their families are active in the gospel. Neither are my parents. At this point in time, those generations are lost as to the blessings of the gospel.

I have the gospel largely due to the efforts of my young women, girls’ camp, and seminary leaders. Though they may not know the results of their efforts, those leaders kept working, and teaching, and serving, until I was receptive enough to take what they were offering and run with it. They not only saved a girl, they have saved generations of people—-because my children have leaned and been taught the gospel, have served missions (teaching it to others) and will look for and find spouses who will be willing to teach these principles to my grandchildren, hopefully down on through the lines.

Isn’t that amazing??? We often think that our efforts don’t matter that much. We never touch very many people—-that is just not true.

I also had another amazing experience this week. A missionary who had served in our ward contacted me. When he served in our ward, I could tell he was struggling. I felt the need to write him a letter. I will share it with you, because it is my letter. But here is what I said to him:

February 4, 2009

Dear Elder,

I’ve just had the feeling lately that I should sit down and write you a letter. I want you to look up a scripture, Moroni 8:25-26. (Now J) Mormon is speaking to his son, Moroni. Mormon has learned that the people where Moroni is are disputing over baptizing their little children. This isn’t a discussion about that doctrine, but you need to understand the context in which the comments were made. Back to the scripture.

Mormon teaches Moroni that the first fruits of repentance is baptism. Baptism happens because people are exercising their faith in the repentance process and they are fulfilling the commandments, which brings a remission of their sins. Remission of sins, brings meekness and lowliness of heart, and because of meekness and lowliness of heart, cometh the visitation of the Holy Ghost, which Comforter filleth with hope and perfect love (charity), which love endureth by diligence unto prayer. This is a process, a scriptural and spiritual process. It is repeated over and over in the Book of Mormon. Read passages about repentance, Alma the Younger, Enos, the people of Ammon, King Lamoni. Wherever the repentance is true you can see the process. People want to repent, they begin to repent, they begin to sincerely try to keep the commandments, and because of their repentant state, the Holy Ghost comes and fills them with hope and a desire to further keep more commandments and they have a desire for the welfare of their fellowmen. The process is maintained only by diligence unto prayer. Those who continue to sincerely pray, will maintain the process, while those who do not, will step out of the upward cycle. This is one of the reasons prayer is so vital!!

I’m not sure about the rest of your mission, but here in California, you have fallen on a hard lot. The people, even those in the church, are unrepentant and disobedient in small and simple things like prayer. If the people within the church are struggling in these areas, I imagine most of the people out of the church are also struggling. Baptism is only a sign that someone is ready to begin the process.

I, like you, like to have a measuring stick that says, “I’m making a difference. My work and effort matter.” I like to see the fruits of my labors. The Lord has spent much time in my life tutoring me to help me see that the fruit I was laboring for, wasn’t necessarily what I thought I was there to harvest.

The scriptures say, “And if it so be that you should labor all your days in crying repentance unto this people, and bring, save it be one soul unto me, how great shall be your joy with him in the kingdom of my Father!” D&C 18:15

Who is that one soul, Elder? Sometimes, that one soul may just be ourselves. The work you are doing on your mission, though you are crying repentance and working and laboring all your days, though none of the people may listen, though you may not baptize one person….what has that work done for your own soul? Sometimes the labors we are asked to perform are simply for the benefit of our own soul. The fruit is in our lives and our testimony. The work and effort you put in, changes you.

Now, putting that aside for a moment. The next scripture reads, “And now, if your joy will be great with one soul that you have brought unto me into the kingdom of my Father, how great will be your joy if you should bring many souls unto me!”

Who might those souls be? You may be tempted to say “those we baptize on our missions.” Well, maybe yes. But more importantly, how about the souls of your wife and your children? How about the souls of your mother and brothers and sisters? How about all of those around you who are better people because of the example you set and the way you treat them, because your light shows them how to behave during their times of darkness and distress?

For many years I have been frustrated and felt like I have not actively participated in missionary work because though I fling gospel seeds everywhere, I never seem to be able to see the fruit of the things I have done or said, or shared. The Spirit has let me know that there are many more souls to my credit than I have any idea. He has told me that people are better people because of their interactions with me and because of the example I set, even if they never join the church. Those thoughts bring me a measure of peace about the subject.

But more than that, as I am watching my children grow and develop, I am witnessing the fruit mature before my eyes. They are becoming incredible people, spiritual men and women of sound understanding and righteousness, with firm testimonies. That brings me great joy. Drew and I have been laboring with them for nineteen years, and we have many more to go. But because of the example we set for them and because of the teachings and training they receive in our home, they will change the world. They will be the ‘Keepers of the Savior’s light’ in an ever-darkening world. They will teach those things to my grandchildren–who will hopefully teach them to their children. With continued effort and prayer, we will hopefully bring all of these souls back into the kingdom when we come.

Some may be lost. Some may choose not to come. But that is the price of agency, which we all fought for before we came here. I will honor their agency, but I will continue to labor with my might that they may change their minds and come into the kingdom with us. And so it is with your mission, now and in the future….

“If you should labor all your days and bring save it be one soul…..” If it is only you—it is OK, as long as you have labored all your days. But if the truth were told, you will be there with your wife and your children, and hopefully the rest of the generations beyond that.

Elder, you have no idea how much I like you. You are an incredible young man! You WILL make a fabulous father! You have the heart and soul of a disciple of Christ and you will teach those things to your children. Parenting is very soul stretching, but the great Father of us all is always there to help us and to guide us and to give us counsel on how to handle the most difficult of situations with His children. Often my heart’s prayer is, “He has been your child much longer than he has mine. What do we do now? How can we help this child learn this principle?”

Remember, your own spiritual cycle is maintained by diligence unto prayer. A proud man is often not saying his prayers. Keep the cycle maintained by obedience and diligence unto prayer.

Your sister in the work,

Carin Lund

This week, he let me know that he still has this letter and still pulls it out to share it periodically, when he feels its contents will help the person he is speaking with. It really made my heart swell!! I am so grateful for the words of Christ! The doctrine really does change lives, not just one life, generations!!! And not just down the line, but backward too, as we do those temple ordinance for our deceased ancestors!

I just want you to know that I know this work is true! It is God’s work! We are His children! He desires all of us to come unto Him and to come into the fold. He denies none to come unto Him. Any that will pay the price are invited to attend and will receive the blessings that come with keeping His commandments!

Don’t quit working! You are making a difference!! You just may not know how much! Have a great day!

Speedy Graduates!!!

Posted on June 16, 2016 By Carin in Uncategorized

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Congratulations Speedy!!! We are so very proud of you!! Speedy is graduating an entire year early! In January, we thought we were going to be moving this summer. We spoke with the officials at his high school indicating that we didn’t want him to lose any ground if we actually made the move and needed to transfer to a regular high school. It was early enough in the semester that they said, “If you change his classes like this, by Friday, he can graduate this semester!” So we did it! And then we didn’t move. But we had already rearranged his classes. So he did it!!

Speedy will stay home one more year and finish up his AA at our junior college, and finish his last year of seminary, and then next year, he will apply for college and a year after that put in his mission papers.

Grandma and Grandpa came up for the event!! They only got lost twice! But they made it in time for the ceremony!! Afterward, we went out to eat at the Stuft Potato—amazing, authentic Austrian food! Since Drew served his mission in Austria, it is his personal favorite. And Speedy hadn’t ever been—so off we went. I wish that I had taken photos of the entrees, but I only got dessert……checkout these beauties!!

For me, the best part was that Drew has been teaching me to golf! Dad took us to the course and we rented carts and Dad and Drew played. I rode along. I wanted to play and they paid for me to play, but I was a chicken. So…..next time. I was worried I would hold everyone up. But I can see why men really love the game—little cars to drive all over, hitting a ball and then hunting for it…..hours outside with an objective. Even with the wind it was a ton of fun!

You would be proud of me….at the driving range I actually hit a couple! It is really hard for me to figure it all out. Even though I was really athletic in high school, golf uses totally different muscles! I’m still trying to figure it out!

And you should know that graduation was three weeks ago. It has just taken me that long to get things together and to blog. But here we finally are! We are so proud of you Speedy!! Way to go!!
Congratulations! Love Mom and Dad.

Fern Canyon

Posted on June 12, 2016 By Carin in Uncategorized

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Over Memorial Day, the kids and I went to Fern Canyon. I hadn’t ever been, even though we have lived here for more than 17 years now. The drive is about an hour. We packed up lunches and snacks so we could just spend the entire day out in the sun. It was breath-taking and beautiful! I have never seen anything like it! I guess it is even famous for being where they filmed a part of Jurassic Park—maybe part two or something. Anyway, we got all the way out there, then remembered that we hadn’t brought any cash with us—-they only accepted cash and checks…..bummer. So we had to go back out into the nearest town and get cash, then back into the park—-dirt roads in my mini-van.

Once we got there, we had a blast! Here are some of the photos!

After our beautiful day, we drove out and got back on the road, deciding to head to the beach for an hour or so before heading home. Instead, just as we hit the 101, our car broke down. The check engine light started flashing at me, the car was running super rough and there was a burning smell I didn’t recognize. Fabulous! I decided to pull the car over and call Drew. He suggested that I limp the car along until I was closer to civilization, which was only another 3 miles. When we got there, we called a tow truck.

This is the truck that came to pick us up, minus the balloons and tinsel:

We only had to wait for two hours! Drew ended up driving up to pick up the kids. I drove them home in Drew’s car and he rode with the tow truck driver.

The car was actually repaired by Tuesday morning!! I LOVE my mechanics!! Totally awesome guys!! And it only cost us $150.00——so that made my little trip to Fern Canyon, cost us $210.00. Bummer. It was only suppose to be the tank of gas and entrance into the park. Oh well. We had a great time anyway! And we will totally go back!

Spike Spike splashed, and splashed, and splashed in the water. He was soaked! But he had a ton of fun!

Drew’s 50th Birthday Wake!!

Posted on June 10, 2016 By Carin in Uncategorized

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My husband had a great day!! He decided that living for half of a century is actually a pretty cool accomplishment. He doesn’t feel old or bad about his age and he isn’t having any mid-life crises about hitting that 50 milestone. He really sees things differently than the rest of the world. He even told me that he was born about 1:30 a.m. And in the middle of the night of his birthday, he was awake then. He just thought is was so cool that he was awake when he hit the true hour of his 50th year on earth and then he stayed up for two more hours contemplating how amazing his life is. See? Just a strange man I am married to.

But I wanted to play it all up anyway. So the kids and I planned a wake. Here is his tombstone cake:

Our wake room:

My birthday present to him…..which, he didn’t really appreciate, by the way…..he doesn’t like that term. But I thought it was hysterical!!!!

And here we all are in our mourning gear:

Sun got a little carried away with the selfies….but they are super cute!

And Spike wanted to ‘rock out’ on his dog guitar…..

All in all, it was a great day!!!

Just in case you are wondering, I have not been able to get Sun’s performance to load….still working on that. And life got super crazy with the end of seminary. We have seminary graduation on Sunday. I will report more later….with more photos. Hopefully more blogging now that seminary is over.

Mother’s Day Highlights and Lowlights

Posted on May 10, 2016 By Carin in Uncategorized

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Lows—The kitchen was a disaster–no one did the dishes on Saturday night because we were wiped out or sick. Sun had her Spring Review, where all day Saturday she and I were at the theater rehearsing and preparing. We didn’t get home until 3:30 and then had to be back at the theater at 5:15, and weren’t home until 9 p.m.She did a fabulous job, by the way….I will try to upload it and see how that works. (I decided I am going to give her her own post….I’ll publish it in a couple of days…)

But, Sunday morning, I had to clean the kitchen before I could make any breakfast, or bread for the sacrament. And three of the kids woke up sick! Usually the boys will make the sacrament bread, since it is their responsibility, but they were both feeling sick. So I took care of it! And I had cooked some beans on Friday, to use for dinner on Saturday, but because the time we were home was so short, I didn’t have time to do what I planned, or to take care of those beans. So they sat until Sunday morning and then if I didn’t use them, they were going to go bad. So I had to manage those too. I just decided to make dinner early and put it into the crock pot, so I wouldn’t have to do it when I got home from church.

Yes…..this angel did it!

Spike Spike was a total turkey during sacrament meeting. He made loud noises during the singing. He chose a piece of bread for the sacrament, then decided that he didn’t want that one because it had a crust. When I took it off of the tray, and then took one for him and then he was mad. So he laid down on the bench and wouldn’t sit up. He has gotten big enough now that I cannot just pick him up and put him onto my lap. I asked him to get up and while they said the prayer. He refused. So I tried to pick him up to put him on my lap and then bent his ankles backward because he is too long and my arms are too short!! So he was mad again. Then he pretended to snore during the sacrament. Then at the end of the meeting, he wanted to go to primary even though they asked us to stay in our seats to receive our Mother’s Day gifts. He took off. I followed him and when he saw me trailing him, he sped up and went faster. He made it to the men’s room before me, and looked right at me and said, “you can’t come in here…boys only” then he shut the door. I was furious!!! I sat right outside the door and as soon as he opened it I grabbed him up and told him that he could just wait to go to the bathroom. But we got all of that sorted. Then even though I was standing at the back of the chapel, they totally skipped me when handing out the gifts. That wouldn’t be such a big deal, but I am the one who decided what they were, did the leg work, and help Drew put them all together! Yes, seriously! But at least Drew noticed and brought one out to me–which I appreciated—appreciated that he noticed, and appreciated that he remedied it.

I felt like I should call my father’s wife to wish her a Happy Mother’s Day, which I did and was fine. But then she put me on the phone with my dad who asked how my day was and I made the mistake of telling him. Then he wanted to fix the problem for me and give me parenting advice. (That is not the right answer, by the way….) It probably wouldn’t have been so bad if he knew me at all or had any idea how I parent. But since, in the last 25 years of my parenting experience, he has never really observed my parenting and isn’t really aware of how functional my children are, and did I mention I have raised four from beginning to launched already—–. It probably would have also helped if I felt like I could express any of my feelings to him, which I can’t seem to manage. So I couldn’t just say, “Thanks for your help Dad, but I got it covered”. I just had to get off of the phone before I said something unkind. And then I was just frustrated!

On the good side, my Young Women from seminary skipped out on Sunday school to bring me a Mother’s Day gift—even three of them who do not come to seminary!!! The bad side is that they came while I was skyping Sport so I didn’t get to see them. But the thoughts were sweet! And it made me feel special 🙂

And I did get to skype my missionary and talk to all of my kiddos. Plus several of my dear friends who I don’t hear from too often, sent me text wishes–including my best friend from high school and my dearest friend whose husband passed away last year. Slim was able to attend her son’s open house farewell for his missionary service. Then he stayed and helped them clean up. She just said how awesome it was having a piece of Drew and I there for their special day. So those are sweet memories!!

Next year, I hope things go a little better. I am not exactly sure what I want, but I would like it if I didn’t have to clean the kitchen—at all! And maybe if I didn’t have to cook either. But we shall see. I hope your Mother’s Day had some beautiful moments also!! And I hope we aren’t sick!

OH.MY.GOODNESS!!!—GIRLS—

Posted on April 26, 2016 By Carin in Uncategorized

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I don’t get them. At all. I am one. I should understand them. I don’t. Maybe it is because I have spent so long denying my feminine side because I felt it was a weakness. I don’t know. I don’t feel that way anymore, but it doesn’t mean that I understand my gender any better. Today was exhausting, and it is only 9:40 a.m.

I had an amazing seminary lesson planned–Isaiah 53, all about the Atonement. It was super important! I couldn’t get my little girlie out of bed today. I usually go in and wake her up once before it is time to leave. On the hard days, I have to do it twice. She gets up, puts her shoes on, throws on a sweater, grabs her scriptures and walks out the door. No bathroom stops, no hair or teeth brushing, none of it. Getting up and getting to seminary is all that she can manage at that time in the morning. Did I tell you that she is not a morning person? I am……not such a good combination.

I went in at 5:45 a.m. She wasn’t sleeping in her bed. She slept with Spike again. She does that sometimes because it is hard for him to sleep by himself. I don’t know why. I really like sleeping by myself! I roused her, pulled the covers off and said, “hey, it is time to go….get out of bed.” Then I left the room.

I came back in at 5:50 ish….she was in exactly the same place she was before I left—covers on. So I repeated the process. Back at 6:00 a.m. “Hey, get up!! It is time to leave!” This time before I left the room, she has grabbed the covers and pulled them up. At that point, I let it go. If I fight this any more, I will be late and she will be mad. ugh! So off to seminary without her.

Seminary was OK. The lesson was OK–not great! I had two boys on their phones the entire time, not paying attention, one boy sleeping (that was mine), and I was having trouble keeping the girls’ attention. Whatever. It ended OK. We finished with a nice video and my testimony was good, the Spirit was there—not in abundance, which I would like, but functional. I have learned that I cannot control how much of the Spirit is present. All of the students in my room play a role in that and what they are doing at the moment. I have brought this up to the class and taught them this principle. Anyway.

So when I got home, I wasn’t in the greatest of moods because my lesson didn’t fly the way I wanted it to and my daughter slept through it and when we arrived home, no one, except Drew, was awake. Which means, Shorty hadn’t made anyone breakfast, everyone was still in bed and sleeping. Mind you, when we arrive home from seminary, we have exactly 12 minutes to throw down some breakfast, put together a salad for Drew’s lunch, say prayers as a family and walk out the door in order to catch the bus. That obviously was not happening today. And it is even more significant since we are down to one car. The van has been in the shop for two weeks and will be another week at a different shop. Drama for another day.

Anyway, that is our timeline. It is super tight and obnoxious when you have to deal with as many attitudes as we do here in our house. I went to find Drew, and expressed how frustrated I was with our daughter.

His solution: She is overwhelmed. She needs consequences for not taking care of her responsibilities. She obviously has not had enough or any that mean anything to her. Take away her music. Take away her Chrome book (which belongs to the school, by the way). Take away her babysitting for her favorite person tonight. Take away her performing arts classes and performances. Take it all away and make sure she gets the message!!

Ok. I will think about that. I certainly do not give enough consequences. But that is how you deal with boys. When you do that with Sun, she shuts down more, and more and then does less and less. It is not a motivating scenario for her and then she stops doing everything and becomes more and more overwhelmed and she falls into this self-fulfilling prophesy where she really can’t do it. I have seen her do it over and over again to herself and then tried to help her dig out of the hole she puts herself into so she might be able to function and be successful. Ugh! That is an exhausting process in and of itself!! I do not want to do that!

I take Drew to work. On the way, I decide that I have to go back to the house and get Smiley before I take Speedy out to school or Smiley will be late.

I get home. Smiley is ready. He comes to the car. I take a minute to peak in on Sun. She is sitting in the family room eating a pear—appears ready for school. “What are you doing today?” I asked her. “Going to school I think,” she responds. “Are you ready?”

“Yes.”

“Then go and get in the car.”

As we are getting into the car, Spike throws open the front door and screams, “Moooooommmmm!!!”

“What?!”

“I don’t want you to leave!!”

“I am sorry. I have to take people to school.”

“Don’t leave Mooooommm!”

I drive away with him screaming at the front door with Shorty.

We drop Smiley off. He isn’t late.

Driving away, I tell Sun, “Dear, we need to have a little talk.” The entire time I am praying because I don’t know what I need to do to have her respond the right way. If I say it wrong, I will tank the entire situation and she will crumble. And if I don’t give the right consequences, she will get off the hook and not take her responsibilities seriously. Did I mention that I am also driving the car and she is sitting behind me, so it isn’t like I can see her face except for occasional glances into the rear view mirror.

“Are you feeling overwhelmed?”

“I don’t think so. Maybe.” She also talks really quietly when she is insecure, like you can hardly hear her even sitting right behind you.

“Well, are you behind in school? Are you overwhelmed with your classes right now and school work?”

“Maybe.”

“Can you tell me what you are feeling right now?”

Three minutes up the road, I can see the tears welling up in her eyes through the rear view mirror.

After a few more requests for her to communicate her feelings with me and now with the tears streaming down her face, I pull the car over to the side of the road. Luckily we are at a place where there is space. There isn’t always space on the way to school.

Five more minutes of me asking her to please share her feelings with me.

Finally in a squeaky voice, she says, “I miss Sport!!”

Oh.my.goodness!!! Is that what this whole thing is about?! He left almost a month ago!! And just now this is coming out?! Holy cow! What have you been doing girl?!

I let her cry it out. Good thing Speedy didn’t have to be to school until 10. We talked about how each of us manages our sad and hurt emotions. Sun shuts down and only participates in behaviors that makes her feel happy, that soothe her aching heart. She reads books, listens to music, eats….just coping behaviors that help her to feel better all the while letting the world go on around her and the work just pile up because she is busy trying to soothe her sad feelings. I on the other hand, work myself to death. I am more productive when I am hurt or angry because I channel all of that emotional energy into work—the house is never cleaner than when I am ticked off! I have to make myself S.T.O.P. and feel. I have to think about why I am doing what I am doing and what I am really feeling. We are two girls who deal with our emotional drama at different ends of the spectrum. Sun stops the world and wallows, I ramp it up and squash the feelings. If only we could somehow blend both philosophies so we both have balance! That would be awesome!

Long story shorter—I let her know she would have consequences for missing seminary. She won’t get to babysit tonight. (Her brothers will fill in for her so we do not leave that other family hanging.) She will have to manage her school stuff and get caught up. She won’t get to sit around and listen to music with headphones in. But she feels loved, and heard, and validated. We were only 30 minutes late for school–30 minutes well spent.

Now I get to deal with the boy drama here at home. Lovely! Spike now screams at people when he is mad. So awesome! My favorite!

Maybe we’ll both eventually figure out how to manage these stinky emotions that make up so much of our personality!

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Quotes for my life:

“The refiner’s fire is real, and qualities of character and righteousness that are forged in the furnace of affliction perfect and purify us and prepare us to meet God.”
Elder Quentin L. Cook,The Songs They Could Not Sing, Oct 2011,

“To do well does not mean everything will always turn out well. The key is to remember that faith and obedience are still the answers, even when things go wrong, perhaps especially when things go wrong.”
–David E. Sorensen, “Faith Is the Answer,” Ensign, May 2005.

“The cultivation of Christlike qualities is a demanding and relentless task—it is not for the seasonal worker or for those who will not stretch themselves, again and again.”
President Spencer Kimball, “Privileges and Responsibilities of Sisters,” Ensign, November 1978.