FFF #45 Nurturing the Individual
So I don’t know if you noticed, but each of the people who live at my house, and at your house, are individuals. They are unique. Their thoughts and feelings about the world are different than yours or mine or their siblings. Their fears and concerns, they are different too.
Yes, there are ‘normal adolescent’ behaviors, most growing babies and children reach the same milestones within a given time frame, but that doesn’t mean their perception of life and the world around them is the same as their peers or other children of that age.
I probably spent over an hour last night with my Sun, discussing her fears and concerns about growing up. She doesn’t want to. She is doing all she can to avoid it. This entire week she has been upset because she recognizes that in about six months she will be in high school. “High school is for the big kids!” she told me. “And now, I am going to be one of the big kids. I don’t wanna be!”
That is so entirely different from me or any of her brothers. I couldn’t grow up fast enough. Bring it on!!! I wanted to be an adult! Now that I am an adult, I would really like to be a teenager again. I don’t want to have little babies again, or go through childbirth again, or raise toddlers again, (just because those things were really hard for me). But I loved being a teenager and playing basketball, volleyball, participating in band and playing my trumpet—I loved those things.
I love other things about motherhood that I did not have as a teenager. I love the relationship I have with my teenagers and my adult children. I love being able to drive where I want and when I want, though as a mother I spend most of my driving time shuttling people to and from their activities and not my activities! I love having a relationship with my spouse—someone I can always count on, even when I don’t think I can. He is always there. He always love me—even if I don’t feel that.
Yesterday, he had a work party where they had a gift exchange. I looked all week for a gift for that party. Nothing I picked out would work. Finally, the night before the party, Drew went out all over town looking for his gift. He came home with something but it wasn’t what he wanted. The morning of, he asked me to wrap it. Sure. Because I have nothing else to do at 7 in the morning.
Well, I was willing to help him out. And I wasn’t being passive-aggressive. I intended to wrap his gift. I brought it in the kitchen and set it down as I pulled some breakfast together for the crew. Then I heard a crash! I turned around and there was Drew’s gift, in pieces on the ground. I broke it. It fell off of where I had placed it.
I went in to tell Drew. With a long face and droopy countenance, I informed him that I had just broken his gift. He looked at me for a minute and started laughing and said, “I guess you get to go shopping today. Here is what I really was looking for, and I just need it by 11.” He continued laughing the rest of the morning, even though I felt horrible.
I am grateful he loves ME and not things (including money)! He is learning how to nurture me and I am learning to nurture him and together we are learning how to nurture our people. Each one teaches us something new and each one requires us to stretch and learn and grow because they are all so different.
The trick is helping each one feel loved and learn from their mistakes and improve who they are and how they manage themselves and their responsibilities. We are all going to make mistakes, even as adults! And when we do, if we are big enough people to admit that and take our lumps and apologize to the people we have hurt, including our children and our spouse, then we are becoming the right kind of people indeed!
So there is my soap box for the week!
Have a very Merry Christmas and enjoy the holidays! I will, even though my big boys are not home! Maybe we’ll even have photos 🙂