Spike Today

I have been pondering a lot lately about a woman’s role—particularly MY role.  It began with this post from Becca @ My Soul Delighteth…

This new baby has been quite the journey for me.  For 17 years all of my days and nights were spent in a season of early motherhood.  Yes, my children grew and I had older ones too, but because I always had a baby and toddlers, I was also constantly in that very small children, sleep-deprived state.  After five years of ‘moving on’ and thinking that early stage was over for me, I was not excited about returning to it.  My personal philosophy has always been ‘do diapers as long as you need to but once you’re out, NEVER return’!  I think I have felt that way just because being a mother of a newborn and toddlers is so exhausting—always!!  There is no way around it.

On Sunday, I had a realization.  I had this experience.  I was in the nursery.  A mother was in there with her just barely 18 month old.  He was not interested in being in nursery.  He was very sad, but managed as long as he was on his mother’s lap.  Well, she was ready to go to class.  So she plopped him in my lap, while he screamed for her and off she went.  He cried for most of an hour, not loud and horrible, but little things would set him off again.  He sat with me most of the time.  After about an  hour, my other nursery worker said, we had better take him to his mother.  I agreed.  As I watched and participated in the process, I realized that there was a time when I was that mother.  Not that she did anything wrong, because I do not think she did.  But in that moment, I realized that I am not that mother anymore.  I have grown. I was no longer ‘wishing away’ the little years.  I was no longer looking for and waiting for ME time.  I was committed and completely invested in this journey of motherhood.

It is a really good thing too.   This little baby is just that—a little baby.  He is much younger than all of my other babies at this age, if that makes any sense.  At 9 months old, he still will not hold his own bottle, will not fall asleep by himself, nurses 7-8 times during the day and 2-3 times at night.  Even though he is crawling and can crawl up stairs, he hasn’t realized that he can sit up in bed or stand in the crib so he just lays there and screams.  Now that he pulls himself up to stand next to the couch or furniture, he doesn’t know he can get down.  So when he is done standing, he yells for someone to come and help him back to the floor.  He is totally capable of doing those things, he just doesn’t know that he can yet.

What if I were the mother I was at the beginning—impatient with the process and always looking for ME time??  I would not be the mother THIS child needs.  My previous experiences have prepared me for the here and now.  He needs me the way I am, not the way I was.  I am ready today to be his mother.

Each and every child is a gift—a divine gift of love.  Each is a precious gift from God.  My ability to have more is a divine gift and responsibility.  It is a blessing and a privilege.  A few months of physical inconvenience, of trial and stress so another soul can have a lifetime of experience?  Why wouldn’t I make the sacrifice if I am able?  Why wouldn’t I?

Today I am the right mother for THIS child….tomorrow I may be ready for someone else….

As a side note, I have been cleaning off an old computer.  Take a look at some of my favorites:  ‘THEN and NOW’

Photo by Olan Mills THEN

Slim NOW

Spanky NOW

Sport, Scuff, Spanky, & Slim THEN

Scuff and friend NOW

Sport THEN

Sport–not quite NOW

Speedy THEN

Speedy–not quite NOW

Little Sun THEN

Sun NOW

Shorty THEN

Sun, Shorty, Smiley, (NOW) & Spike (THEN)

Smiley THEN

Scuff and I decided Just Maybe this pair of his shoes has been outside too long!!!???  Ya’ think??!!  Sorry, it was just too funny not to post that his shoes were growing grass!

So I am only a week late!!  Oh well!  That is how my life is functioning lately.  Two Sundays ago, we were actually LATE for church.  I don’t remember the last time I was late for church.  This Sunday we walked in just as they were beginning the opening hymn.  I think I am going to have to do some adjusting!!  But back to Conference……

Another revelation filled weekend!  I LOVE IT!!!  Why?

Because sometime several years ago, I learned somewhere (sorry I cannot adequately acknowledge the source) that if I came to General Conference with questions and prayed about them, I would receive answers.  One year I decided to try it out.  I received answers then and I have ever since.  I LOVE IT!!  Personal revelation for personal questions!

I specifically LOVED this quote:

“One of the great lessons that each of us needs to learn is to ask. Why does the Lord want us to pray to Him and to ask? Because that is how revelation is received.”
Elder Richard G. Scott

I have to tell you, asking questions is hard for me.  It is not an easy process.  I am not quite sure why I struggle with it, but asking is a big deal to me.

And I LOVED this insert from the Ensign:

Recently, I have been weighed down with the responsibilities I have and the ones I feel are coming.  I often find myself asking HOW do you expect me to do this??  I am not adequately managing what I have and now you are giving me more!!

One of the things I am amazing at is juggling!  I do not mean with balls, bowling pins, swords, or the like.  I mean people, activities, jobs, workload—-prioritizing.  I do not know where it came from.  Mmmm, yep, I do.  It is an innate gift from God.  I am sure.

My entire life has always been full of too much to do with too little time.  But I have this inner sense to know what has to be done NOW and what can wait and what really doesn’t have to be done.  When I am totally overwhelmed, I follow this process:

1.  Pray at night to know the Lord’s priorities
2.  Get up early
3.  Pray to prioritize the Lord’s way
4.  Read scriptures
5. Write down the thoughts and impressions that come
6.  Use that list as my “how and what to focus on today” list
7.  As I recognize other things that need to be done, make an “Oh ya, I’ll get to that” list
8.  Let go of the rest

Here is the issue I struggle with.  I feel happiest and most successful when my lists are finished.  I feel like I finally have achieved balance when I can accomplish a list and have a little time available for something enjoyable or a small hobby.

Whenever I get anywhere close to that line—where I am finally swimming in very deep water instead of drowning, then I get this huge dump of responsibility and again I am drowning and overwhelmed.  (At which point, I mope for a little while, readjust my priorities, begin again at step 1, and put my head down and go to work.) 

I am a very hard worker and I don’t mind working.  I can even find joy in mundane tasks.  Sometimes I just want a vacation!!

I was just getting to the point where I felt like I could manage my household and my family and all that goes into that and little big personal responsibilities I had been asked to do.  (Now these are not volunteer ones—-I’m not talking about PTA, further schooling, employment {I recognize for some of you those may not be volunteer endeavors, but for me they are}.  Then BOOM!  Have another baby—-again my body submerges 20 feet under water!  (I have issues with deep water over my head.  I am afraid I won’t ever reach the surface and be able to breath.)

I am noticing a theme—  It is finally in my extremity that I turn to God.  I finally LOOK UP!!!!  (For enlightenment, read it!)

I am finally beginning to swim after this new baby.  FINALLY!  It has been 17 months and I finally feel like I am beginning to manage.  I know a wall of water is on the horizon.  I feel it coming.  I recognize I am already beginning to mope—because I sense its arrival.  I don’t want to!  I fight!  It doesn’t matter because the wall is still coming.

Today I recognized that I am not looking up.  I am looking at the floor.  I thought about the balloon idea. (read the link above) I figuratively did that and I feel lighter already.  Now comes the serious application—looking up through the water and while I try to reach the surface and break through until I can BREATH and SWIM!

Well,
I bet you’ve just been wondering where the heck I have been???  Don’t worry.  It’s basketball season, which means extra work, extra practices, two or more games on Saturdays…..lots and lots of stuff.  Following my own advice, I ditched passed off my PTA responsibilities, got rid of a lot of junk stuff (mostly clothes and shoes) at my house, and reorganized a few things.

In the last couple of months, we found out that Scuff was accepted to BYU!!  Woohoo!!  But they didn’t have any more slots for him in fall, so in order to attend in the fall, he has to attend in the summer.  That gives him an entire week between graduation and the beginning of his college career.  He did finish his Eagle scout project and he has one merit badge left to complete.  He has been feeling a little stress and we have been doing plenty of leg work to get him ready to go. 

Our missionary comes home in two months!!  Yippeee!!  One, two!  That’s it!  My little boys have grown out of their pants, for the fourth time this school year!!  And my little baby growls now…..so cute!  That is what has been happening at our house….

Oh ya…..and this week is selection SUNDAY!!  Monday morning my entire family will be busy filling out their NCAA tournament brackets so we can watch basketball for three entire days beginning a week from today.  We will eat, joke, laugh, (some of us will cry a little and have a bad attitude because the team we want to win is out already in the first or second round), and we will just sit back and enjoy each others company while the rest of the world rolls on by.

So, here is the spiritual thought for the week….
Today I was reading 1st Nephi 16: 11-20.  Here are some new insights for me:

As long as they followed the directions of the Liahona (which worked according to their faith–when they were doing what they were supposed to….) they were kept in the most fertile parts of the wilderness.  The Lord wanted them to be taken care of and to be comfortable.  He planned for their comfort and their needs.  That area around them is pretty barren.  What would happen if/when they were unwilling to do what the Lord wanted them to??  I imagine their journey would have been much more difficult and uncomfortable.

They were not exempt from trials during their journey in the more fertile parts of the wilderness.  Even though the Lord planned for their comfort, they also encountered some significant and difficult trials.  This is where Nephi breaks his bow and because they have been traveling for so long, they are more fatigued and hungry.  They begin to murmur.  Don’t forget Laman and Lemuel have been trying to kill Nephi every time they get really upset.

They took time out to stop and rest.  It is OK and necessary to stop the world and get off.  That doesn’t mean that we hide from our responsibilities, but periodically, we should stop and evaluate where we are, where we are going, and if what we are doing will get us there.  Sometimes we just need to rest.  That may mean a weekend of not answering the phone, a quick trip out of town, making time for the temple or getting in touch with nature.  Today, my time out was just to blog and read the scriptures.

This is where I stopped my pondering because people needed me: If, as in verse 15, they were using their bows and arrows, slings and stones, why is everyone so upset at NEPHI for breaking his bow?  Weren’t they all responsible for finding food??  Didn’t they all have tools for doing that?  So why is everyone giving Nephi grief?  It obviously wasn’t only HIS fault.  Others had responsibilities too.

So for application: 
The Lord wants me to be comfortable and to have the things I need.
Even when He gives me the things I need, I will have trials and tests and growing experiences that are difficult for me.
It is good to take time out.
When things are going wrong, are there other things I could be doing instead of blaming someone else?  Am I doing what I CAN do?

Thanks for your help Becca!!

I have been wanting to have a button for a while, but didn’t quite have any idea how to accomplish it.  So I asked for help……from the experts 🙂 (Those who have done it before me!)

Consequently, that is also how I have come across the best parenting advice, recipes, house cleaning tips, scripture study habits, lesson ideas, FHE lessons, homemaking skills…….   Yep, most of my life, I just look for someone who is doing what I want to be doing and I ask them, “Hey, how do you do THAT?!”  And then they tell me.  If it doesn’t work, then I go back and ask for further advice and clarification and usually find out that I’m not doing it right and that is why it isn’t working.  Then I adjust.

I would go into more details, but suffice it to say, between Becca’s advice, and Scuff’s technical know-how and I CAN DO IT attitude, well, wouldn’t you know it,……..Success!!  Woohoo!!

Thanks friends 🙂

What are you waiting for??? Grab the Button!

Sorry friends and family!!

I have been off-line, at least not blogging, for a few weeks.  I have been attending to a few more important matters, just trying to maintain balance.  My house needed a thorough decluttering.  I still have some closets and the kitchen to go through, but at least I got rid of several bags of clothes and a few old dishes, and some nasty furniture!!  Hooray!!  (Now I just need to put the Christmas decorations away!!!  They are down, but not up in the attic.)

Also our baby cut his first tooth, so that has been lovely.  And I’ve been helping a few friends with some difficult situations.  But do not fear!!!  We are good here at our house.  And now that some of the bigger things are done, I can post a blog here and there 🙂

Deep thoughts……hmmmmm……don’t have any right now.  Still in the declutter mode.  Then my brain and my space will be free to ruminate!  You’ll just have to stick around and see what I come up with!!

‘Til then!!

I have spoken with several of my dear friends lately and I have noticed something.  Many of them are feeling overwhelmed with something going on in their lives.  I felt the above photo may work to express some of those feelings.  This is our golf course, in town.  Every winter, it floods.  You can see the flag to the right.  And if you have amazing eyes, you can see the ducks swimming on the left, or at least one.  There was a whole group, but I couldn’t get the group and the flag.  But yes, that little white speck on the photo is a duck!!  (As are the two in the middle, I think…….)  This is an early winter flood photo.  If I took one today, the water may be up close to the flag.  We joke that you could kayak in the golf course from tee to tee, use scuba or snorkeling gear and play golf.  But back to the issue at hand.

I had a temple recommend interview with my stake president last week.  My recommend expired at the end of January.  In my interview, he asked me two questions that aren’t typical.  He first asked if I was having meaningful personal prayer, regularly.  I could answer that I was having personal prayer regularly.  Was it meaningful???!!  Well, I could probably work more on that.  I have those immediate, oh please help me now, prayers.  And I say them as I am exhausted and falling asleep.  I decided that I did need to focus a little more on the sincerity and content.  The second question was am I reading my scriptures regularly.  I am reading regularly, not always in my canonized scriptures, but Ensign, or conference or something.  But as I talked with him, I realized that there have been times in my life where I have definitely felt more in tune or that I was receiving more personal revelation than I currently am.  Now as a side note, my life is always a little crazy and needs adjustment after I have a baby.  It takes me about six months to get back into the swing of life.

Well, my baby is six months old.  I determined after the interview that I needed to do better and to be more diligent in the personal prayers and scripture study department.

This weekend we had stake conference where I had the opportunity to listen to my stake president speak.  He then taught this analogy (he played professional baseball for a while):

His main point was illustrated with a baseball story about a Nolan Ryan fast ball (go figure!).  A Nolan Ryan fast ball has been clocked at 104 m/hr.  That ball travels 60 feet 6 inches in 0.4 seconds.  People have done studies to see how fast people can make decisions, like picking up their glasses off of the podium.  Those studies show that decision implementation takes 0.5 seconds.  So the question then becomes, how can a player at the plate decide whether to swing or duck at a Nolan Ryan fast ball.  The answer is that the players’ sub-conscious takes over.  The decision to swing or not is so automatic that it is done in the subconscious.  He then taught us that in matters of gospel decision making, or moral choices, we should have thought them through enough that the decisions are already made.  There shouldn’t be a question of whether or not we are going to make a right or a wrong choice.  We should be living the gospel so completely that decisions have already been made and we are free to act properly quickly.  Time making the decision may cause too much opportunity for sin.  I thought that was interesting.

Then he talked about the scripture in 2nd Nephi 28: 7 Yea, and there shall be many which shall say: ^aEat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die; and it shall be well with us.
 8 And there shall also be many which shall say: ^aEat, drink, and be ^bmerry; nevertheless, fear God—he will ^cjustify in committing a little ^dsin; yea, ^elie a little, take the advantage of one because of his words, dig a ^fpit for thy neighbor; there is ^gno harm in this; and do all these things, for tomorrow we die; and if it so be that we are guilty, God will beat us with a few stripes, and at last we shall be saved in the kingdom of God.

and

14 They wear ^astiff necks and high heads; yea, and because of pride, and wickedness, and abominations, and ^bwhoredoms, they have all ^cgone astray save it be a ^dfew, who are the humble followers of Christ; nevertheless, they are ^eled, that in many instances they do ^ferr because they are taught by the precepts of men.

and

 20 For behold, at that day shall he (Satan) ^arage in the ^bhearts of the children of men, and stir them up to anger against that which is good.
 21 And others will he ^apacify, and lull them away into carnal ^bsecurity, that they will say: All is well in Zion; yea, Zion prospereth, all is well—and thus the ^cdevil ^dcheateth their souls, and leadeth them away carefully down to hell.
 22 And behold, others he ^aflattereth away, and telleth them there is no ^bhell; and he saith unto them: I am no devil, for there is none—and thus he whispereth in their ears, until he grasps them with his awful ^cchains, from whence there is no deliverance.
 23 Yea, they are grasped with death, and hell; and death, and hell, and the devil, and all that have been seized therewith must stand before the throne of God, and be ^ajudged according to their works, from whence they must go into the place prepared for them, even a ^blake of fire and brimstone, which is endless torment.
 24 Therefore, wo be unto him that is at ^aease in Zion!
 25 Wo be unto him that crieth: All is well!

He told us that as the humble followers of Christ, we are in danger of being lulled away if we are not diligent in our commitment to the basics.  We must not think that we are spiritual enough that we do not need to read our scriptures today, or to say our prayers, or that our family is strong enough that we do not need to have FHE, etc….

So my dear friends…………  
If you are feeling overwhelmed, make sure the basics are happening and happening well.  Let the rest of the world take a back seat.  We all have times where life is crazy and difficult.  Those times are more manageable if we are being diligent in the spiritual basics.  That may mean the laundry doesn’t get done, the homework doesn’t get done, practice doesn’t happen, or we cancel a meeting, don’t volunteer, or just stop answering the phone, or turn off the computer.  When life is too busy for the spiritual basics, life is too busy.  Cut stuff out, focus and start rebuilding as you have strength and energy. 

With love,
Your Sister in Zion

Basketball

This is basketball season at our house!  As the boys got older (Slim participated in almost every sport available!), it became increasingly difficult to maintain a year-round sports schedule with a large family, piano, scouts, church calling, school, extra music performances for choir, orchestra, or band, etc, etc, etc….  One day I determined that we had had enough busyness.  I dropped piano and declared that one sport per person per year would be all that we could manage.  To tell the truth, it was all that I could manage.  Everyone took it pretty well.  Over the next few weeks, we talked about what each child would like to do.  Every single one of them chose basketball, which was fine with me because I lettered in basketball in high school two years.  I love the sport.  March Madness is a holiday at our house.  Basketball is great!  The only problem is that if everyone is playing, basketball season is CRAZY at our house!  Most seasons we have three people playing, which means three different practice schedules and three different games on Saturday.  Luckily we are all only playing community ball, which is WAY less time and stress than a school team.  Let the chaos begin!

Logic Problems

The last few weeks, I have introduced my younger set of children to logic problems.  They are totally fun!!  I first started them when I was in the third grade.  They are just fun games that help make you think, kind of deductive reasoning.  We have found a totally great website that puts out two new puzzles every day and you can download them and print them for free!!

Stake Conference

Stake Conference is this weekend for us.  Need I say more??  I love our stake conferences!  The adult session on Saturday evening, of course, is my favorite.  I always feel so spiritually fed.  And I love the break from the typical Sunday routine.  I cannot wait to hear what our leaders have prepared!

 College and FAFSAs

I spent the morning yesterday finishing off the FAFSA applications for my college students who will be attending this fall!  Slim will be coming home from his mission and attending Southern Virginia University.  And Scuff is waiting to hear from the colleges he has applied to.  We will find out more in February.  But either way, we are so very grateful our boys want to get an education!!  Hooray!

My baby in a sweater

This great sweater was made by Drew’s co-worker! It is so cute and she chose GREAT colors!!  Today our 15 year old came up to him and said, hey, baby, do you like your sweater???  I like your sweater!!  I thought it was so cute.  Thanks Barret!

Five Things for Friday, Heather style

I have a couple of things that I know I am supposed to be doing but I have been procrastinating………..for years!  They are things that I think I can do but I am afraid—-  Afraid of what is a good question.  Afraid of failure, afraid of success (the responsibilities and opportunities that come with it), afraid of judgement (from the unknown and from people I know and love), and probably another sack full of reasons.  Fear, doesn’t come from the Lord: 2nd Timothy 1:7  For God hath not given us the spirit of fear….

Faith is the knowing things will be OK in spite of the fear.  Faith is understanding God’s plan and wisdom is greater than mine and that regardless of the outcome, acting in faith will always bring me closer to where God wants me to be.  So why do I wait??

Yesterday, I was having this conversation with a friend.  We were discussing some of her issues and why she wasn’t acting…….what was holding her back.  She asked out loud why she is waiting.  I told her it was fear….fear of all the things I mentioned above.  I realized that’s why I was not acting too.  I had become paralyzed in those things because of my fear.  I am not afraid in other places…….but I am in those places.

As I left her house, I determined fear was not going to be the motivating factor any longer.  I set some specific goals.  I came home and poured my heart out to my Father in Heaven.  I plead for his help in those areas.  I will be working on my goals and making modifications if necessary so I can be successful.  I feel amazing and my heart is singing!  (Just like when I watch the movie Enchanted……..  but that is a post for another day :-)!!