This has been a very emotional week for me.  Instead of numbering them, I will walk you through day by day.

Monday:  Two phone calls from two girlfriends whom I love dearly.  One is struggling with a new life growing inside her and the reaction her parents are going to have to the news.  We talk for an hour, especially about her relationship with her father.  The other has received a calling that is overwhelming to her and wants counsel and advice.  We talk for an hour.  It was so very fun to talk to my dear friends, both of whom no longer live close.  But we are sisters still and our hearts are knit together.

Tuesday:  My anniversary.  Drew and I have been married for twenty-two years!!  I never could imagine having a relationship that has lasted that long. We talk about eternity and I am working on building it, but the application of doing so is often overwhelming.  We work on it daily.  I am so very grateful for all that the prophets have said about marriage and for the example of those around me who have been married longer and are happy.  I love my sweetheart!  He is amazing.  The more I learn about him, the more amazing he is.  Thanks for putting up with me, Honey!  I’m sure it is not easy.

Wednesday:  One of the above friends finds out that her pregnancy is not viable.  She is pregnant, but there is no baby.  We talk for an hour.  I cry for her.  She texts me later to let me know that a mutual friend delivered her twins yesterday at only 23 weeks gestation.  She and the babies, of course, are in the hospital.  I cry for her and add their family to my prayers.  I learn one of my kids is struggling financially and needs help.

Thursday:  I follow a couple of blogs which I decide to update on.  One is Hope for Allisa.  I find out Allisa passed away January 6, 2012.  I cry for the family.  I read Mason’s Journal and find out that they are having a very emotional week also.  At the end of a long day of driving people and taking care of business, I learn that my friend with the twins, lost one of them this morning.  I cry most of the evening for my friend and her family.

Friday:  Today is a new day.  I do not know what it will hold.  Through all of the above trials and tears, I read of, hear of, and we talk of the hope that we have in our lives because of our Savior, Jesus Christ.  We all believe in the resurrection, His and ours.  We KNOW we will see our loved ones again.  We just don’t know exactly when that day will be.  We know and understand that our Savior descended below all things and because of that, we know He is perfectly capable and willing to succor us, comfort us, and help us through our trials, stress, and even heartache.  Peace is there, along with the sadness.  We know we will emotionally be OK.  We know in our deepest sorrows, He is there, with open arms, to hold us and wipe our tears.  My prayers are with you all.

Heather’s five things Friday

OK, Maybe it is just because I am the mother of so many boys………..

I LOVED this video:

The first things I read when I get my General Conference Issue of the Ensign are the talks from the Priesthood session.  It is because I want to know what the prophets want my young men to know and do.  It gives me focus for the next six months as to what to help my youth work on.

When there is too much complaining about what we are asking, I remind them who they are and what is expected of them.  I remind them that I am not asking that of them, the Lord is.  I remind them that they made promises before they came to earth about the things they would do while they are here.  And I remind them that others are counting on them………their future children and grandchildren, their future spouse, those they will teach the gospel to while they are serving their missions………….and then I ask them what they are going to say to those people if they choose not to do what they have promised.  I love my boys!!!  And I LOVE being their mother.

Number 6: Lucifer seeks to overpower our testimony.

Luke 22:31 (JST)  “And the Lord said, Simon, Simon, behold Satan hath desired you that he may sift the children of the kingdom as wheat.”

When I first read this verse, I wondered what ‘sifting the children of the kingdom as wheat’ meant.  Elder Dallin H. Oaks in his address in April of 2009, says it “means to make us common like all those around us.”

Elder McConkie quotes the same verse and says, ” In essence and thought content, Jesus is saying, ‘Peter (my words: we could all insert our names here) Satan wants you in his harvest.  He wants to harvest your soul and bring you into his garner, where he will have you to be his disciple”….

There are other scriptures that validate this, but the point is, the Adversary will continue relentlessly to try to overpower our testimony.  Maybe that is by telling us that knowledge is enough and we do not need to change our behavior or put into practice our beliefs.  Maybe he will use the persuasion of the world to try and convince us that what we once knew could not be so or doesn’t matter.  It really doesn’t matter how he does it.  We have to make a concerted effort on a daily basis to enrich our testimony.  Otherwise, we may find ourselves in a place where Lucifer is successful in overpowering our testimony.

 
 
Number 7:  Others are praying for us.

Luke 22:32
32 But I have ^aprayed for thee, that thy faith fail not: and when thou art ^bconverted, ^cstrengthen thy brethren.

When we feel discouraged in our ability to strengthen our testimony, we need to remember that the Savior prays for us.  He prayed for Peter.  He has prayed for others.  I have heard the prophets testify that they keep us in their prayers.  Our posterity and our ancestors are probably praying for us and so our those around us who know we need their strength.  We are not alone.

And when we are converted ourselves (testimony and conversion are different—but that is a different post altogether), we have a responsibility to help others become converted.  That all begins with testimony

What kinds of things do you do to strengthen your testimony?  Do you have an experience where you have been strengthened through prayer, yours or another person?

Number 1:  Would God that all the Lord’s people were prophets…..(Numbers 11:29)

In Numbers chapter 11, the Israelites are wandering in the wilderness and are tired of eating manna.  They are whining and dissatisfied because the Lord is giving them their daily bread, literally!!!  It is different than they are comfortable with.  They would rather go back to Egypt and bondage because there, they would at least have melons, fish, onion, and garlic instead of traveling in the wilderness eating manna on their road to freedom.  They are complaining to Moses daily, all 600,000 footmen.  (Elder D. Todd Christofferson says there were well over a million people.)  Moses asks the Lord for help.  He tells Moses to choose 70 elders of the people and bring them to the tabernacle, where He will put His spirit upon them that they might help bear the burden of the people.  Most of the men go to the tabernacle.  Two of the 70 remain in the camp.  The Spirit comes upon the men and they begin to prophesy.  Eldad and Medad in the camp begin prophesying too.  Someone comes to report the prophesying in the camp and Joshua requests that Moses put a stop to the prophesying, to which Moses says, “Enviest thou for my sake? would God that all the Lord’s people were prophets………”

Why would Moses wish that all the Lord’s people had the spirit of prophecy?  Revelations 19:10— “…..for the testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy.”  First, if they had the spirit of prophecy, if they had a testimony of WHO was asking them to complete this journey, they probably wouldn’t be whining about manna.  They may not know how long the journey or the difficulty of it.  They may get a little tired of manna, but their willingness to endure hardship for the cause may greater.

How often do we complain about what we are asked to do, by the Bishop, or in our personal trials?  Can we see where the Lord is taking us, what character traits He is trying to build within us?  Do we know WHO is asking us to complete the journey and make the change??

Number 2:  A testimony of Jesus Christ is built on the rock of personal revelation.

Matthew 16: 15-18
13 ¶When Jesus came into the coasts of Cæsarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, saying, Whom do men say that I the Son of man am?

So a few weeks ago, I received this phone call from one of the children’s teachers, “Carin, this is Ms……..I’m calling because your son is having an allergic reaction and cannot breathe.  I think you should come and pick him up.  Can you do that?”  I was in the middle of transporting another child to his school in the opposite direction.  Having two other children with allergies that cause their respiratory system to shut down, I promptly turned the car around and we went to go and retrieve my little one.

When I arrived, he was waiting in the office.  I could tell by his face and his countenance, that he was not having trouble breathing.  He appeared fine.  Still I did not feel like I should leave him at school.  (This is always a judgement call.  Some of the children need to be taught to handle difficult situations and not to ‘flee’ the scene by having their mother remove them.  Others need to be removed for emotional and psychological ‘fluffing’.  I always have to listen to my intuition in this situation.)  He hemmed and hawed.  He knew I could tell that breathing was not the issue.  I tried to talk to him but wasn’t really getting anything out of him.  I assured him that I would be taking him out of school.  He relaxed.

We got into the car and continued the journey to drop his brother off.  After he and I were alone in the car (except for the baby) I began my questions again.  What happened?  When did you have trouble breathing?  Why does your teacher think that you couldn’t breath?  What was going on in the classroom when she called me?  What was happening before she called me?  I couldn’t seem to assess what the trigger point was or how the issue came about.  “Keep going….” was the thought I kept having.  So I would ask questions a different way, get a little more information.  Still no answers.  “Keep going…..”  More questions, a little more information, no answers.  “Keep going….”  This went on for 15 minutes.  At which point, I decided to play the ‘ultimate’ card.

“Sweetheart, I am going to tell you something that I told your older brother (the one he happens to worship, by the way…).  You have a mother who listens to the Holy Ghost [some of you call it your conscious, intuition, gut feelings].  The Spirit [another term we Latter-day Saints use] is telling me that there is something else you need to tell me about.” 

Big sigh.  ‘Maybe that is because our teacher yelled at the class today.’ 

“How did you feel about that?”

‘I didn’t like it and it scared me.’

“Oh.  Why did she yell?  Were the children just being too noisy?  How did you respond to the teacher yelling at the class?”

‘Yes.  They were being loud.  She yelled and I started to cry.’

Knowing my little son…………..”Oh.  So when she yelled at the class, you got scared and your eyes started to tear up and got kind of red.  Your teacher noticed and asked you what was wrong……”

‘And I told her I was having an allergic reaction………’

“Oh I see.  You can always tell me about things going on at school.  You can always be honest about what is bothering you.  You don’t have to remain there if you are scared or uncomfortable about certain things.  We can talk about it.”  And then I took him to get a little treat (this particular child feels loved when he gets to go and do something different than the norm.  It is his LOVE language.)

The end of the story is that I also spoke to his teacher——not about yelling.  I simply let her know what had really happened and how our little one had reacted so she can recognize how sensitive he is to behavior in the classroom.  And should it happen again, she is more aware.

So, Smiley, have you been eating the chocolate cake????

Nope!!!  Not me!

Maybe one day he’ll figure out that we parents have WAYS of knowing things…………but today he is oblivious to that fact.  Have a great day!

Well, I had wanted this post to be five points I will be making in my talk on Sunday, but since my talk is still unfinished…….    I know the direction and most of the points, I just am not sure I have them down well enough to explain them all.  Sooooo, first of all I will wish a very Happy New Year to all of you!!!  I love having a new point in time to start over or fresh or just to change anything that doesn’t seem to be working for me.  I hope all of you are making time to evaluate where life is going and if you are happy and what you can do within the framework of the gospel to change those things that aren’t working!  After all, that’s what it is all about right??!!  Change for the better!!

Number 2:  We are celebrating a birthday today!!!  Happy Birthday!!!  At our house, we open presents in the morning.  I hate making the kids wait until the end of the day to open their presents.  So we get up early, before school, work and sometimes before seminary and sing Happy Birthday and they open their presents.  Well, with a new baby and on the heels of Christmas, I didn’t get the presents ready or here.  So my little birthday boy is being such a great sport!  I told him that his presents wouldn’t be here today and because no mail is coming for the next two days, they wouldn’t be here until Tuesday, afternoon………at the earliest!  He is totally OK with that………as long as they are really coming!!  I had to laugh!!  I am so very grateful for the flexibility of children!!   Love you Buddy!

Number 3:  My talk is on the ‘spirit of prophecy’.  Numbers 11:25-29,
25 And the Lord came down in a ^acloud, and spake unto him, and took of the spirit that was upon him, and gave it unto the seventy ^belders: and it came to pass, that, when the spirit rested upon them, they ^cprophesied, and did not cease.

Revelation 19:10—……………… for the ^dtestimony of Jesus is the spirit of ^eprophecy.

I think I will save the details for next Friday………just know this is where my brain is today and tomorrow…….

Number 4:  I LOVED talking to our missionaries on Christmas day.  It is so very fun to hear of their adventures and to see how they Lord is molding them and helping them to grow through their service.  They are becoming amazing men……….I cannot wait to see the finished products 🙂


Number 5:  My little family is crying for breakfast.  So I have to sign off.  How annoying for them to demand that I do my job!!  (Or wake up one of the big boys to do it for me!  hahaha!!)  Have an enjoyable three day weekend!!


PS Heather, in my studies for my talk, Elder Bruce R. McConkie, makes this statement, “Of all the women in the New Testament, Mary Magdalene is preeminent save only Mary, the Lord’s mother.  Mary Magdalene is the one alone who is named as having traveled with Jesus and the Twelve as they went on their missionary journeys in all the villages and cities of Galilee……..” (Doctrines of the Restoration, edited and arranged by Mark McConkie, p. 119)  Do you have a post about Mary Magdalene??  Just wondering.

I have a certain member of my family we’ll call Ebenezer.  Eb and I have known each other for a lot of years.  We are both adults.  My relationship with Eb is estranged, at best.  Eb is a grouchy, miserable, person.  He is emotionally draining because he is constantly attacking you.  He is hurt.  He is angry.  He has been for a long time and he won’t let you forget it!

Once or twice a year, I make a token gesture of friendship toward him because he is family.  Almost every time I do, he reminds me of my failings to the relationship because he is upset that our relationship is not better.  Now mind you, in all of the years (decades) I have known Eb, he has visited me once, never (that I recall) initiated a phone call, or sent a note, or letter.  But I continue to periodically reach out because he is family.  If I go and visit (which I do not do often), I always call and invite him over or go and see him.  I continue because I hope to one day find that he has changed, that he is different than remember.  I do not do more because one person can only handle so much poison before it cankers their own soul.

I truly wish in my heart, things were different between Eb and I.  I wish we could talk, really talk–without nasty comments ever flying and speak heart to heart.  I wish we were close.  I really love Eb.  I am sad that he is lonely.  Other people love Eb, but he is so angry and hurt that those feelings come out directed at whomever he is interacting with.  It is almost as if he continues to hurt you, you won’t have the opportunity to hurt him (again), so he spews this poison on you and then he wonders why you don’t come around any more….?  I know it seems ridiculous, but I kid you not, it happens over and over to the point that I can only manage my periodic token gestures toward friendship.  I shield my children from Eb—they don’t need his poison.  It is difficult enough for me to manage.

I was talking to my girlfriend about this the other day.  I feel the need to continue to reach out to Eb, to offer love, support, and friendship, to give the opportunity to change.  But I do not need to subject myself to abuse.

When Eb ‘zings’ me in a conversation, I am always stunned.  I can never think of exactly what I want to say at the moment.  But I always do later….as I am pondering the hurt I feel from his zing.  It is kind of like the scene in “You’ve Got Mail”, with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan.  I love what Tom says to Meg.  Paraphrasing—when you finally say exactly what you want to at exactly the right moment, inevitably regret follows.  Of all the things I wish I could have said to Eb, none of them were nice.  None of them would help to build a relationship.  So perhaps it is best that I did not, and do not, say them.  Instead I just sit there and take it, get off the phone, bathe my soul in spiritually uplifting messages and try to process why I let Eb’s comments bother me so much, especially when I know they are not true.

I have learned that I cannot change Eb.  I can only control my reaction and my exposure to Eb.  I do not have to allow Eb’s comments to hurt me, which is easier said than done…..but I know it is possible.  I can choose my feelings, my attitude and my behavior.  I do not have to react with the natural man within.  I can be above that.  So I continue to reach out.

I received a magazine in the mail this week and on the cover was a college dorm-mate.  The article inside was filled with her many successes.  She had graduated in my major, from my school, completed the advanced degree I wanted and had been having the career I dreamed of.  Instead of being happy for her, I struggled all day with that ugly green-eyed monster—-ENVY.

How was she able to do all that?  I questioned.  And here I am ‘just a mother.’  That was my call to reality.  I HATE that phrase.  I am not, nor have I ever been ‘just a mother’.  I am Mother!  (cue the theme music).  I may as well run around with a cape and a giant M monogrammed on my spit-up stained T-shirts.  I can leap tall laundry piles in a single bound, heal sibling relationships with a piercing glance, conquer Calculus problems with Dr. Kahn’s Math Academy……….ah, but I digress.

I had fallen into the trap!  I was comparing…….comparing her ‘magazine worthy moments’ with my ‘still in my pajamas at lunch time’ morning.  Why do we DO that?  Why do we compare someone’s best with our worst?  Why can’t we just be happy for the other person’s successes?  Why does it immediately translate to “I am not good enough”?

We have been having similar issues with people who live by us.  Somehow (I guess I know how after it happened to me this week) the way we live our life is threatening to them.  They cannot be satisfied unless they can find a way to drag our family through the MUD.  I wish they could just leave us out of it.  But I guess I understand it a little better.

Now I just have to learn how to react well in both circumstances.  In the first:  Congratulations to my friend and her family!!!  YOU ARE AMAZING!  In some ways, I wish I could be like you.  Congratulations to me!!!  I have a great life and a great family.  I am happy and I live as I believe.  In the second:  I am sorry you feel threatened by how I live.  I think you have a great family and are doing much good in the world.  But I do not want to be like you.  And I would assume you would not like to be like me.  So can we just be kind to each other and agree to disagree???!  After all, that IS what we believe, right?  (Article of Faith #11:   We claim the ^aprivilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the ^bdictates of our own ^cconscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them ^dworship how, where, or what they may.)

Good-bye green-eyed monster….I will not be in your trap today!

5 reasons why I love them:

I find their attitude hilarious!!  No, seriously—they make me laugh.  If you really listen to why they are upset, their reasons are valid and I can TOTALLY relate to why they are upset.  But mostly it is a matter of their perspective and not taking into account the other circumstances or people involved in a given situation.

They keep me on my toes!!  They are so bright….very smart people.  It takes a lot of intellectual and emotional work to bring them to a point of mutual understanding.

Nurturing them is a challenge for me.  I have plenty of flaws—but I am really good at nurturing people…figuring out what they need to fluff their emotions.  I just read them well.  The high maintenance ones make me work.  I find the challenge exhilarating and exhausting!!

I have several of them.  I’ll just illustrate with the littlest one.  He needs to have his needs met NOW!!  I know, I know, you are thinking “All babies are like that.”  No–this one is different (and I have had a few…).  He will scream at the top of his lungs, bang his head against you, lunge into nursing position because he is tired and wants to go to sleep.  If you put him down during the process, he will scream until he vomits.  At night, I have to stop anything I am doing @ 6 p.m., lay down with him, and nurse him/sing to him until he falls asleep.  If he doesn’t get to bed when he is ready, he gets all keyed up and he won’t sleep for hours.  That is NOT an enjoyable evening!  Done it a few times….  I hope he is not quite so demanding as he gets older.  We shall see.

Secretly, I think I may be one….enough said.

Here are Heather’s five things.