Today is my birthday!  I love my birthday!  It has always been a great day!  I love living an my birthday is the perfect day to celebrate that.

Today however, I am sad.

Not because it is my birthday.  I am sad because yesterday, one of my favorite people and very best friends returned to Heavenly Father.  He has been battling brain cancer for several years.  We were able to visit him last year in June.  It was so fun to renew our acquaintance and spend time with his family.  Oh how dearly I love them!!

copyright: Karen Larsen photography

I will miss him!!  I am mostly sad for his wife.  My heart goes out to her.  She has been so dedicated and diligent in providing for his care.  I want to be there to help her, but I am here.  This is where I should be, but it doesn’t change the longing of my heart.  I know she will have love and support.  I just wish I was there to show mine.

We had so much fun together!!  So much growing and learning in those early years of our marriage and our friends were right across the street.  Here are some of the things we did together.

Big D had just had surgery on his back for some work injuries.  He was walking the block to rehabilitate himself.  I was home babysitting and was new in the ward.  I would take the kids I watched out into the sunshine at lunch, the same time D was out walking.  We started visiting each day.  Pretty soon, he suggested that Drew and I come to his house for dinner to meet his wife.  I had to pull Drew’s teeth to get him to go with me to the dinner appointment.  He didn’t want to go and socialize with more people.  But he relented and finally went over there.  It took 30 minutes.  30 minutes into dinner, D and Drew became immediate and best friends.  For the next three to four years, Drew would go over to D’s house, almost nightly to keep him company when he couldn’t sleep because of the pain in his back.  They could talk politics, sports, religion, anything!   They had different views about things and different favorite teams.  Drew loved California and D loved Utah.  But on the important things, they loved and supported each other.  Kimmie and I just kind of watched in disbelief.  We had our own friendship, but with Kimmie working full time and me with babysitting and then with our children who came along, we didn’t have as much time as the guys to be friends.  But it was awesome to know that our husbands had such good friends in each other.

When our oldest baby got so sick, D and Kimmie stocked our refrigerator with a week’s worth of quick foods. 

D and Kimmie couldn’t have children right away.  It took them six years.  We would take our babies over to their house to play.  Drew was a counselor in the Bishopric of our married ward.  Kimmie was called as the Primary President.  Drew set her apart.  In her blessing, he promised her that she would have children in this life with D.  A few years later they had their daughter, then two sons, all within three years.  Then they had their last little son a few years later.  Drew was pretty stressed about that promise.  But the Lord fulfills His promises and it was He who gave the blessing.  Drew was just the voice.

We attended their first baby blessing, and their second and maybe even the third.  I don’t remember.

But those are just some of the highlights.  We love you Big D!!!  We will miss you!  You will forever be a part of our hearts 🙂

All our love!!

I don’t have an agenda about writing today.  I think I am just going to ramble for a bit and let the feelings come out.  I have definitely been stuffing them lately, but I am just not really sure what they are or why I have them.  As I write, the title will emerge.

This week has been nice, because we haven’t been sick, but it has been so busy because there is so much work to catch up on because of our sickness and now Sun is a bit behind in school.  Plus, we have three big men coming home in the next two-three weeks.  I cannot believe they will be coming home so soon.  Sport has been struggling.  More than he let any of us know.  That is so hard as the mother.  You want to help them, but sometimes they don’t even tell you they are struggling.  Then when they do, there is nothing more that you can do for them than to pray.  That is kind of how it is as they get bigger.  They have their own issues and they are big enough to work them out and learn from them.  You can give them counsel and advice if they let you know they need help.  But if they don’t, then they don’t.

I wonder if those are the feelings I am stuffing.  As mother or father, you have spent all of you time and effort in helping this young man or young woman to know how to make decisions and how to apply the gospel to circumstances they come across and questions they have, but how they actually apply your teachings and guidance, doesn’t always look like you want it to.  But it is a learning curve they have to go through and as the parent, you have to let go of.  I think I do it at various times and through various issues, but some things you just don’t let go of until they are going through it.

This is the pile right inside my front door–ah life!

I still don’t have any of these men married.  I would imagine that after they are married, there is another whole realm of ‘let it go’ they are adults.  (I repeat this phrase to myself often.)  It is so strange to have one child in the house who needs and wants my help with everything (even going to the bathroom) and the other end of the spectrum where they do not want my help or counsel about anything!  One grown son called a few weeks ago to tell me his summer plans.  When I made a few suggestions about how he could complete his goals, he was quick to tell me that he wasn’t asking for my counsel, and then he was offended that I had given it to him.  (I was pretty sure I was talking to him like an adult and not telling him what to do—but he didn’t quite see it that way.  That was a lovely conversation too.)

Maybe having them all come home is kind of stressing me out too.  I am glad they will be here and I miss having them home, I really, really do.  I like my kids!!!  But having more home with more emotion and more relationships to manage and more stuff–it is stressful.  I think that is what I am stressing about and stuffing.  I am not acknowledging the up and coming stress on the horizon.  Wow!  That feels a lot better.

That is it.  I have two boys coming home who will bring with them their own emotional drama.  And our returned missionary who will be trying to adjust to not being a missionary, and Tams is leaving for Utah (all of that in the next four weeks plus Allison’s school work is all due three weeks after that).  OK yes, I am beginning to get a better picture of why I am stuffing my emotions.  There is a lot of stress and change that will be happening here, along with all of the little people’s feelings about the comings and goings of the Bigs.  (This of course, is not even taking into account the temporal stresses of finding and making space for the Bigs to rejoin the family.)  Being the oldest child growing up, I never saw all of this emotional and temporal drama that happens at home with the Big ones coming and going. Maybe now that I know what is happening, I can stop stuffing my face with food and begin dealing with my emotions.  Do you think?

the boys with my phone

I am glad that I have a week off.  This next week is spring break so maybe we can get Allison’s homework under control and get her room in order and get people moved so we are ready for the Bigs to get home.  We are going to move Sun and Spike into the itty bitty room and let the Bigs have her room.  It will only be for the summer.  Then we can spread back out.  Spanky is only home for six weeks.  Sport is only here until his mission report time, which we don’t know yet.  And Scuff will be home until the end of August.  It is kind of crazy here!

Sun and Speedy will be attending EFY too.  So that will help as we juggle people in and out.  Well, thanks for listening.  I really needed that.  Now I can clear out those stuffed emotions and get my little self to work and hopefully back on my weight-loss wagon.  I have really dropped 15 pounds 🙂  It was 18 and I was fighting for 20, but with the stress lately, 15 is real.  Deep breath, several deep breaths.  I have done a good job and a great work.  I don’t have to tank anything because life is stressful.  So I should probably give myself a good four weeks to let things settle a bit and then work on the weight loss.  If I can just maintain where I am, without gaining, I will be successful.  This moderation in all things is sure hard for my super A type personality.  But I am going to give myself permission to work on it without any expectations for four weeks.  Then we’ll see where we are.  Yea!  Realistic goals.

Maybe next week, I’ll be able to blog more since I won’t be preparing seminary lessons every day.  But don’t plan on it 🙂  See you next Friday for sure 🙂

It is one of my favorite times of the year!!  General Conference Weekend!!!  Last weekend, we watched General Women’s meeting, where they reminded us what an historic year 2015 is.  It marks the 20th anniversary of The Family:  A Proclamation to the World,  and 100 years of the doctrine of Family Home Evening.  As I listened to the speakers discuss the doctrines of the family and how perceptions of what family is and what it means are changing in our world, I felt the distinct impression to share my testimony of the family here on my blog.

I am not sure what more to say than I have already said, however.

But I guess I will start here.  I know that before we came to earth, we lived with our Father in Heaven (some of us call Him God).  But not only did we live with Him, but we also lived with his wife.  Yes, I believe and know we have a Mother in Heaven as well as a Father in Heaven, that we are literally their spirit children–all of us.  So all of us, really, really are brothers and sisters because we originally lived in God’s family, with two parents, a male parent and a female parent.

Because I believe that, I have a special view of families here on earth.  I recognize that the best possible form of the family we could have, would be one that models God’s family, with two parents, male and female.  I believe children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, to be raised by two differing gender parents, who love each other and are totally loyal to their spouse and the protection and teaching of their family.

copyright:  Karen Larsen photography

Mothers and fathers are inherently different, and though that is sometimes difficult to work with, the harmony that can come from their unity and desire to work together provides the most fertile ground for the growing child to be secure in their development, safe, protected, nurtured, educated, loved, and happy.  We all have differing opinions of what will make us happy.  But if we understand that God is our Father, it will change our perception of how well we choose to follow His counsel and guidance.  After all, do we not believe that God knows best what will make us happy?  As a loving Father with our best interests and welfare at heart and supreme knowledge of the universe, do we now think He might know?  And want that for us?  Do we not believe He might have designed it that way, so those things come about?  Until recently in our day of scientific discovery, children could only come about one way.  Just because we can now alter that, doesn’t mean we have made it better.

Now, I too understand that not any of us are perfect and there are many, many heterosexual couples who have children who do not have happy families.  But that fact still does not change the truth:  the best place for children is to be raised by two committed, biological parents who are married and committed to their child’s welfare and who love each other. 

I believe families are forever.  When families are organized according to God’s laws and sealed through proper authority in God’s temples, where those marital partners continue throughout their lives to live the covenants they have made there, those families are forever families.  I believe their bonds continue after death.  Part of the reason we come to earth is to organize our eternal families.  Can you see why there is such an all out war right now about the definition of the family?  If it was organized that way before birth, and if it can continue after death, and it really is the true unit of society, what better way to make others miserable (forever) than to confuse those issues.

The adversary has been working long and hard at destroying the family.

Before industrialization, families lived and worked at home.  Fathers were blacksmiths, store owners (homes usually attached to their businesses), farmers, wood workers, etc…  But fathers were at home.  If there was a problem with the children or issues between neighbors, or siblings, or parents and children, fathers were there to assist, give counsel, advice, assistance.  With industrialization, fathers moved into the cities to work, removing them from their homes.

Many periods of war followed industrialization.  Men left to serve their country.  Women began doing much of the work those men had been doing.  But, when the wars were over, most women returned to the home front.  With the sexual revolution of the 60’s and 70’s, women were removed from the home and entered the work force, leaving the children unattended, or sent off to the day care.  Now the adversary has mothers and fathers out of the home.

Now what is he doing with those children?  We are discussing mandatory preschools, most are currently in day care and/or school.  And currently, he is trying to change the definition of what a family is, and directly teach it to the children through the school system and saying that those of us who feel that is not OK are being discriminatory, and we hate other people.  I am sorry, but last I checked, I was entitled to have an opinion of such things and just because mine differs from yours it doesn’t mean yours is right and mine is wrong.

I believe in the sanctity of the family.  I believe in its purpose and its history and its importance!!!  I value the gifts and blessings that come because we build our families after the image of God’s family.  I am not willing to roll over and decide that we can change it because we want to.  I do not think it is healthy, or will bring anyone happiness, even if other people want that.  I don’t agree.

I don’t agree because of my personal experiences.  I grew up in a family (heterosexual, two parent family) who didn’t live the principles God has established for peace and happiness.  I have personally experienced the pain and suffering that comes from a disintegrating family.  I have watched my siblings struggle to raise their families because of their lack of instruction and example in living the life God intended.

Contrast that with the family we are building.  Because of our willingness to follow and obey the prophets, who I know speak for God, my children are more secure in their self-esteem.  They know who they are, where they are going, how to get there, and how to stay on the course.  They have direction.  They still have their own learning curve.  Each of them has to decide if they believe the things we have taught them.  Each of them will have to decide if the values and morals we have raised them with will be the ones they want to use to build their own families and teach their own children.  I cannot control their agency, nor would I choose to do so.  They are free to make their own decisions.  But having the example of truth set before them allows them to more accurately make that choice for themselves.  I am not trying to deceive them or trick them.  I honestly desire their health and happiness.  I believe God’s plan is best for them and best for all of us.

copyright:  Karen Larsen photography

I want your health and happiness too.  Choose for yourself.  Have you tried God’s way of the family?  How about the others you are listening to?  Have they tried His way?  If they have not, how can they know it isn’t what is best?  The truth is, they cannot.  But they will try to convince you that God’s way is wrong.

I disagree with them.  I have tried His way.  It is the best way, for now and eternity.  I choose the family, the way God intended it—Mother, Father, children–anything else isn’t as good as it could be.  And if you will choose to listen to God’s prophets tomorrow and Sunday, you can have that witness for yourself.

Have a great weekend!  I will!

So last week my little Spike Spike caught another cold.  Along with the breathing treatments, he had pink eye and had to have eye drops.  We kept him home from church on Sunday just because I didn’t want him to catch anything else in his weakened condition.  We finally finished all of his eye drops, breathing treatments are on going.

Then Sunday, after we arrived home from church, Sun puked.  She is older and said she was feeling a little puny.  She managed to keep everything contained and just felt yucky and nasty most of the day and into the next day.  I hoped it was just food poisoning.  It wasn’t.

I feel like this is how we are functioning today.

Shorty puked on Tuesday night.  It wouldn’t have been so bad except he did it in the middle of the night and the boys had not cleaned their room in who knows how long.  It landed (from the top bunk) all over Speedy’s church pants, and both of his jackets and it hit a comforter on the bottom bunk that was hanging over the edge.  That was fairly manageable.  I put on plastic gloves and started cleaning the mess.  Shorty woke me up by calling to me up the stairs at 1 a.m.  “Mom, I puked!”  Great.  Half way through the clean-up, I was overwhelmed because the puke kept sliding off of the snow jacket onto the floor and making a bigger mess out of things that weren’t dirty in the first place.  I woke up Drew and requested assistance.

What an amazing man.  No questions, no complaining, he just threw off  the covers and popped out of bed.  He helped me get things into the washing machine, settled Shorty, cleaned up the floor.  Sweet man.  Husbands, you have no idea how amazingly attractive you are in your underwear cleaning up vomit.  Seriously!  My heart and exhausted body swelled with gratitude for his willing sacrifice to assist me.

Today is Shorty’s birthday.  He is better.  Speedy is puking.  Such a lovely weekend.  In two days it will hit the next victim.  I really hate the flu virus, really, really hate it.

This weekend we are suppose to be ordaining two of our boys—Shorty will be a deacon and Speedy a Priest.  Grandma and Grandpa are coming in for the occasion.  I really, really hope they don’t go home with the flu!  Please pray for them and pray for Drew.  He is giving the 5th Sunday lesson this week and he has a Bishop’s Youth Discussion later that night and he will ordain his boys.  The last thing he needs is to have the flu.

copyright Karen Larsen photography

Even Tammers hasn’t escaped.  She doesn’t have the flu, but she has some nasty cold that has swelled up her throat, and she is probably running a fever, poor girl.

Even my cat has been sick!!  For the last month he has had some kind of a nasty infection on his back.  He has finally been on antibiotics long enough that it is finally going away.  But he lost a lot of weight in the struggle.  Poor kitty.

So other than G&G visiting, we are going to have a kick back weekend (well, the kids and I are–the Bishop is going to be really, really busy–poor guy).  But we are going to watch the rest of our March Madness and enjoy birthday time and seeing people who we love.

That’s the gist of it.  I hope your weekend has way less sickness than ours!

At our house today is the second day of March Madness!!  Mwwwaaaahahahahahahah!!  We love March Madness here at our house!  Things are in full swing!  Brackets are in, food is prepared, phone calls across the nation have been made (meaning our children in other states are participating :-), and basketball is on the television or the computer pretty much from 9a.m to 10p.m.  It is a wonderful time!

It is also time for Parent-Teacher conferences for our elementary school.  Our sixth grade teacher loves basketball as well.  Her entire class fills out brackets and they watch the games and do math and other academic things with the process.  She was explaining to her class that Shorty gets to stay home and does it all with the family.  Then she asked if I would mind if she brought over 25 more kids to watch the games with us.  It was all ‘tongue in cheek’ but if she thought she could get away with it, they would be here 🙂  It is nice to have support in the family activities that are different from the rest of the world!!  One of our principals early on did not support our family activity.  It was quite a struggle.

copyright:  Karen Larsen photography

But what I wanted to talk about today was my other parent teacher conference.  As we wound up our little interview, our fourth grade teacher expressed that teaching is getting more and more difficult for him each and every year.  In his words, the more children who come through my classroom who don’t have parents like yours do, it is just so difficult.  I agreed with him wholeheartedly.  My degree is in family science, and I know first hand some of the emotional, physical, and spiritual consequences of broken families.

I decided to share with him my philosophy and beliefs about same gender marriage.  Specifically, I told him that it is really difficult for me to understand how we have all of these adults demanding ‘their rights’ to marry and love who they want to and saying that their choices have no consequences for others.  That is a crock.  Particularly, such adults, are completely ignoring the rights of children to have two parents of differing genders.  Now, some of you may say that once we allow those adults those ‘rights’ we can stop the momentum of that movement there.  Not so.  Once you legally recognize those unions as marriages, it naturally follows to then give them all the rights and privileges associated with said unions, namely, children.  But here is my big beef:  Children have the RIGHT to two parents of differing genders.  Mothers and fathers are inherently different.  Gay activists know this, which is why they have chosen to have that kind of a lifestyle.  They have made a conscious choice to sexually associate with a partner of their same gender, because they didn’t want to have that relationship with the opposite gender.  But to then place a child in those ‘families’ or unions tramples then on the rights of the child.  We have taken a voiceless part of our society and are claiming, without their consent or input, that it doesn’t matter to them.  We are violating the rights of the innocent and those who cannot stand up for themselves.  That is wrong!!  It is our job to protect those people.  It is our job to stand up for their interests and their rights.  That is what parenthood is about.  That is why PTA was established, and what they are conveniently neglecting and side stepping at the moment.  And that is what we as Americans profess to believe as we go through out the world helping to free oppressed people from tyrannical government and persecution.  Yet here we stand demanding our right to do that to our own citizens, who have no voice, simply because they are not old enough to be legally recognized to assert their opinion.  Completely wrong!  Shame on us!!  It is filth masquerading as virtue, and it is not OK with me.

Our teacher conquered.  He said that he had never thought about it from that perspective.

So here I am, telling it to you.  We have a responsibility to protect those of our citizens who, as yet, do not have the ability to stand for themselves.  It is our job.  I am willing to do that for my children and to share my opinion and beliefs with those who are like-minded.  We need people who are articulate and educated who can explain the reasons why our beliefs are important and significant to us.  As we do so, the truth of our position will resonate in the hearts of those who are seeking truth.  Those who choose to persecute us for our beliefs?  We can know they are playing for the other side, and as such, we can pay no heed to their hate speech.  Lucifer has long used intimidation as a tactic to quiet virtue.  It is time for us to rise up and be heard and counted as protecting those within our charge, the young and those who will be born.  We must stand for the future and be willing to bear the persecutions of the world.  After all, whose side are we on?

copyright: Karen Larsen photography

That is my rant for today.  We can and should be kind to all people, regardless of their lifestyle choices or political opinions and beliefs.  We demand our right to our opinion and we should protect their right to their opinion, even when we disagree with them.  But we must not cower to intimidation.  We must stand up and be counted–counted as standing on the right and moral side of the issue, even as we do so with meekness and grace.

Well, I had super plans to have this blog post up and out early this morning.  I was just about to sit down and pow it out when my dear friend called.  I talked with her for an hour, which was awesome!  And then I started my work for the day and just kind of got into the groove and cleaned out my kitchen drawers today!  Yes, I did!  I even conquered the ‘gross drawer of DOOM’!!  (The one that the syrup spilled in after it overflowed boiling on the stove top.  And I was too frustrated and late to deal with it, so I left it there for six months.)  Yes, it was really gross!  And it took me about 45 minutes for that one drawer.  But guess what???!!!  IT is clean!  Then I glued the kitchen drawers that the faces are coming off of that have been driving me totally batty for about a year.  I fixed those too.  I am seriously on it today!!  (Most of it I think is due to my dear friend who helped me clean out a bunch of stuck emotions!  Thanks Diana!)

My major success of the day, however, was with one of my seminary students.  We took our new learning assessment today.  If you do not have a seminary student, or even know what one is, seminary is an early morning religion class for the high school aged teens.  This year we are studying Doctrine and Covenants and Church History.  Last year, the only requirement for getting credit for seminary was attending at least 75%.  This year, the church has chosen to “Elevate Learning” for our youth.  In order to get credit for seminary, now students still attend 75% or more, but they also have to pass 2 learning assessments in the year, read the book of study, and have a worthiness interview with their Bishop.  It is a lot more work than it was last year.  Students who want credit, really have to be willing to put in some effort.  I think the new requirements are amazing!  I think it will help all of us to grow and learn and show that we really know what the doctrines of our church are.

I learned a long time ago that if I wanted my youth (my own or those I was teaching) to achieve something, I needed to set the example of that for them.  Anything I want them to accomplish, I need to be willing to my effort on the line and do it right along with them.  So when I was called to seminary, I decided that I need to read all of the Doctrine and Covenants, like they are asked to.  I need to take the learning assessment, like they are asked to.  I need to memorize scripture mastery, just like they are asked to.  That is a lot of extra work for a mother of nine, even if four of those kiddos are out of the house.  I have been working on those goals, along with preparing my lessons to teach each day.  It is going to be a lot of work.  But I knew some of my students were at exactly the same place (the beginning) of doing those things even though I was coming in at the beginning of the 2nd semester.  I wanted them to reach and strive and be willing to try to complete the extra work in the shorter time.  What better way than to set that example for them, along with all of my other responsibilities.

Today, as we graded the assessment, we discussed the requirements for seminary credit.  With one of my students, I helped him to see that he had just passed the assessment, that he attended 75% or more, and that the worthiness interview wouldn’t be much of a challenge for him.  The only thing standing in his way of receiving credit for the year would be rather or not he chose to read the book.  I broke down for him the amount of reading he would need to do each day so he could accomplish that goal.  It wasn’t a lot, but it was significantly more than he had been doing.  It will take effort and time.  But for the first time since I have been teaching, he appeared open to the possibility.  I felt empowered!!  Whether he does it or not, he was open.  I reached in there and touched his heart!  That is a major success!!  And if he does read, and he does make the effort, then he wins too, because we all know the Lord will reward his efforts to be obedient and to try out the word!

We believe in agency, which is each person’s ability to choose—for right or wrong.  Forcing is never part of the plan.  Sometimes that is really hard when we are worried or we know they are making the wrong choice.  Sometimes we do have to step in, like when our toddler is playing in the street.  But each and every one of us is happier and more committed to the process, if the course we are following is due to our own choice.  In gospel learning, it has to be our own choice (The Lord will force no man to heaven–or the proverb, A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still).  Gospel learning only sinks in and takes hold if it is done by choice.  The trick then, becomes how to help the other person see and desire to experiment for themselves, the merits of the gospel plan.  If they are unwilling to put forth the effort initially, or if they are not consistent in the exercise of their faith, or if they falter along the way, those seeds of faith either won’t grow, or will quit growing.

One of the experiments we have been doing in seminary illustrates this.  I brought in some seriously dead houseplants.  (I was worried they were beyond saving).  But I felt the need to bring them in.

Yes, they really looked like this.

We started watering them.  Nothing much happened the first three weeks.  Then something amazing happened.  Green shoots started to appear from the dirt.

I trimmed back all of the dead stuff and kept watering them.  They are still tiny, but they are green and alive and growing.  It will still take a lot of time and effort and attention, but those plants can one day be bigger and more than they were before I killed them.

Our testimonies are like that.  They may wilt, or wither or die.  But if we choose to water those faith plants, through small and simple actions, like prayer, reading our scriptures, attending church, small, simple, steady—those faith plants will grow again.  They will return.  And with continued effort and time and care, those plants and that testimony will one day be bigger than it was on the day we stopped feeding it.

I think today, I motivated one of my students to be willing to make that effort for himself.  I certainly hope he does so.  Because I personally know the blessings that will come to him as he makes that continued effort over time.  The Lord has an amazing spiritual feast just waiting for him if he will just choose to make the effort and then to continue to do so.

Have a great weekend!!  I will ……tomorrow is Ultimate Pie day you know?? 3/14/15    3.1415…..

We will be celebrating by eating a lot of Pie 🙂

Has one of your friends ever said something to you about another of your friends in a very judgmental way?  Now, my friend #1, does not know my friend #2, and my friend #1 does not know I have a deep and dear friendship with friend #2.  But I do know, fairly intimately, both friends and the details of their lives.

Friend #1’s comments about Friend #2 were not valid.  Her perception about what she saw was inaccurate.  What is worse is that Friend #2’s behavior that day was really a step in the right direction for the ‘dragons’ Friend #2 has to slay in her life.  In other words, she was doing a really amazing job when Friend #1 felt the need to criticize.

I really pondered about my conversation with Friend #1.  I tend to listen really well when people are speaking to me and I think part of the reason people feel comfortable talking so openly with me about their personal lives is because I do not tend to pass judgment or disagree with them in the moment, even if I don’t agree with their position at all.  A lot of times, I just let them talk even if I completely disagree with them.  So though Friend #1 was critical of Friend #2, I didn’t, in the moment, stand up for Friend #2.  I wish I had.  I wish I had just enough ability to speak in the moment to say, “Oh, really?!  Are you aware of her struggles?  Of the dragons she is working on slaying in her life?  Well, I am, and you should just know that she is really doing well today.  It is good that your dragons aren’t as public as hers.”  I wish that I had said that.

I always know what to say later, but rarely in the moment.

I am glad my dragons are not as public as Friend #2.  They are plenty hard for me and I struggle with them daily.  Sometimes I think I have the dragon well under control and I am winning the fight.  Then I realize it is a Hydra-monster and though I cut off one head, three more grew in its place.  That may not be the reality, but it sure feels like it sometimes.

Today in Seminary we discussed how we should treat those who wrong us.  We discussed the last half of Doctrine and Covenants Section 98.  Verses 23-32 discuss how we should bear mistreatment, specifically that if we do so without retaliating, the Lord will bless us.  Verses 32-38 explain when war is justified according to the Lord, but expresses that the Lord would rather us solve our differences peacefully.  And verses 39-48 discusses how we should respond to those who ask for forgiveness and to those who do not.

Now, Friend #2 and Friend #1 will probably never again interact with one another.  They are no longer even in the same vicinity.  It would do absolutely no good for Friend #2 to hear the thoughts and feeling of Friend #1, in fact, it would do harm.  It is best for me to keep Friend #1’s thoughts and feelings to myself.  But what is my responsibility to Friend #1?  Does it do any good now to say something to her?  To be honest, right now, I do not think it would.  It would have in the moment, and if either of those friends were to have some kind of a relationship in the future, then I think I should.  But right now, today, I think it would also do harm to Friend #1 to say something to her.

But what about those who have wronged me?  Or hurt me or my family?  What about those people who I do need to continue to interact with?  Well, you have heard my story about Ms. P.  (See here, and here, and here.)  For a long time, I have just avoided her, completely, to the best of my ability.  It has not been kind, but I think I was more concerned about saying something nasty and the best way for me to avoid that, was to avoid her.  In the process, her feelings about me have not been good (but mostly, because she thought I hated her first).  The truth, however, was not that I hated her, but that I couldn’t be kind in the moment, so I avoided her.  I have never hated her.

A few days ago, I had the opportunity to tell her so.  The Spirit told me that I needed to do that.  I didn’t need to apologize for anything, because there wasn’t anything that I needed to ask forgiveness for.  But I did need to let her know that I have never hated her.  I found the right opportunity, and I took it.  I hugged her.  She hugged me back and thanked me for telling her that.  I also told her to please remember that the next time I am mad.  (which wasn’t unjustified, but with a greater understanding, and more charity, I don’t have to be angry.)

Here is another example:  Our son, Scuff, is serving his mission in Brazil.  A few weeks ago, his mission president called him in and railed on him.  Scuff’s feelings were really hurt.  The mission president had been given wrong information and what he thought had happened, didn’t happen.  The mission president’s response was not inappropriate for the information he thought was accurate.  But his information was inaccurate and aimed at Scuff.  It was bad enough, the mission president threatened to send him home, with only three months left on his mission.  Scuff’s feelings were really hurt that one, someone said something that was untrue about him, and two, the mission president believed it.  We had a long email discussion.  It was important for Scuff to understand that if the mission president’s information was accurate, then his reaction was appropriate for that information, directed at Scuff or not.  Luckily, for Scuff, the Spirit witnessed to his mission president that Scuff was telling the truth.  Isn’t that amazing??  The Spirit stepped in.  Both men were reacting appropriately for their beliefs and there was a misunderstanding because the information on one end was incorrect, and the Spirit corrected the situation.

Can you think of an example of that in the scriptures?

How about Captain Moroni and Pahoran?

Captain Moroni was on the borders defending the Nephite nation.  They were low on supplies and men.  They were struggling to maintain their position.  They petitioned Pahoran, governor of the land, for more men and supplies.  Their petitions went unanswered.  Moroni got angry and wrote a nasty letter to Pahoran calling him to repentance and basically saying, “Look, if you think you can sit on your fanny while we are out here dying, I will come and destroy you myself.”  If Moroni’s information and thoughts and feelings about the situation were correct, then his response to the situation was appropriate.  But what was the situation?  Well, Pahoran had been run out of the governor’s seat by the Kingmen.  They were experiencing a coup while Moroni was out defending the nation.  Pahoran did not get angry at Moroni’s censure, rather, he gloried in the feelings of his soul.  Pahoran realized Moroni’s response would be appropriate if his information was correct.  But his information was wrong, so Pahoran corrected it and they made a plan to save their country.

I LOVED this image!

I guess my point is this:  We do not always, or even usually, know what is going on in another person’s head.  Their behavior, even toward us, may be completely right, and justified for the information they have or think they have.  We really need to have the Spirit with us, in our communications, and in our relationships so our judgements or thoughts about situations are accurate.  If we focus on slaying our own dragons, and not making critical comments about other people’s dragons, we will be in a better position to communicate with one another in love.  We need to remember that ‘contention is of the devil’, such things are not of Christ’s doctrine:

3rd Nephi 11: 29-30

And here in her own words.

So this morning for seminary, for one of our flex days, the kids opted to eat breakfast and just sit around the table and visit.  I thought that would be great!  So we did it.

While we were there, two of the guys were playing a game on their phones.  They were communicating back and forth about the game and strategy.  Being completely game illiterate, I asked them about their game and their progress.  Turns out they belong to the same ‘clan’ (please forgive me if it is obvious that I do not know the lingo or how these things function, because I really don’t).  Then they went on to tell me that they pretty much spend all their time playing when they are not doing other things and they can do it together where ever they are, some of their clan even live outside of the area.  I guess the thing that really floored me was the fact that they went on to tell me how people make money doing it and how other people pay money to buy things in the game.  That is where my brain just went, “WHAT?!!”  People pay money, like cash, to buy virtual products to enhance their play??  To play a game??!!  WHAT?!!

I was seriously dumb founded.

Do you think these little huts are full of people playing virtual games?  Copyright Karen Larsen photography

I struggle to pay for all of the things we need to pay for here at our house, for our children, for their medical and dental care, for their music desires, for their education, so they have clothes to wear and food to eat.  I have been seriously over our budget lately because Spike had his emergency room visit and all of his allergy testing and extra medications, all of which are outside of our budget.  My kids are working their way through college because we cannot afford to help them, any.

A girlfriend who home schools her children has been teaching her children about Nigeria.  In her research, she learned that the people in Nigeria are poor enough that they cannot buy things from stores (if they even have any) so most of their toys are home made.  She decided to allow her children to feel what this might be like.  She took all of their toys away for a time as they try to immerse their learning into what it may be like to not have any toys.

I know there are people in my city who do not have enough food to eat, or clothes to wear, or ability to transport themselves from place to place, or have a warm place to sleep.  IN MY CITY!!!  Let alone all across the world.

These are just the things I am aware of.  I do not know 90% of the suffering that takes place across our globe to those people who are our brothers and sisters, and we (people I know) are spending money to buy VIRTUAL products???!!!  Things that are not real and have no tangible value??  And they are doing it of their own free will and choice??  And they are wasting their intellectual power and capacity and time in a game of virtual entertainment?

It was a complete slap in the face to me.  How have we come to this??  How has Lucifer tied up our desires and interests so completely that we are spending our time and resources for that of no worth?  For something that gains us nothing…………not in mortality or eternity.

Please don’t  misunderstand me.  I am all for relaxing and finding something to unwind, for wholesome recreational activities.  I love hiking, going to the beach, walking in nature and enjoying the scenery.  I am willing to spend my money to participate in some of those things.  But they are real.  Being there fills my soul and rejuvenates my spirit.  I love board games and sports and things that help me build relationships with the people around me and those I love.  I just really do not understand how these games do any of that.

Am I alone in my loathing of most things virtual?  Have you read of the people in Japan who have DIED ( 30 something year-olds) because they were so into gaming that they didn’t get up off the screen to take care of their bodies?   In one story I read about, a man died, laying at his computer, slumped over for 10 hours, before anyone noticed he was dead.  I guess he would stay there for days at a time playing and sometimes sleep on the keyboard.  So when he slumped over, dead, no one thought it was any different than another time when he was asleep.  When the emergency personnel came into the gaming cafe to remove his body, the other players didn’t even notice, or stop their play.  Seriously??!!

How have we become so blind?  So disconnected to others?  So into our own thing?

As parents are we aware of what our children are doing and how these games and the way they are spending their time influences their thoughts and their learning and their plans??  I have never been more grateful that my high school teens and younger children do not have cell phones or complete unrestricted access to the internet world than I am today.  I love technology.  It does amazing things and has amazing applications.  It also has many, many dangers.  There is nothing wrong with moving slow enough in the virtual world to be able to navigate it wisely.

Please seriously consider and ponder about how you and your family use the technology available to us.  If you find that you have been indulgent with yourself or your children, do not hesitate to take steps backwards, miles backward, if you need to go that far.

That is my rant.  My adult children know how I feel about video games.  We have had numerous discussions.  They do not completely agree with me.  That is fine. I am not responsible for how they choose to spend their adult time.  I do believe, however, that as they age and begin to grow their families and teach their children, I bet they lean more with me than against me.  I guess you’ll just have to stay tuned to see how that all works out, being that none of them are married or have any children at this point.

I have missed two Friday posts!  Life has been kind of exciting and busy here.  Two weeks ago, before I missed the first post, Tammy got home!!!  She arrived Thursday night.  I tried to get my Friday post finished before we picked her up, but it just didn’t happen.  Then I spent all of Friday visiting with her and hanging out and hearing about her mission.  It was so wonderful and fabulous!!!  The week before that we had all been sick, including me, for like three weeks!  It has been a long recovery!!  I even took Spike to the hospital at the beginning because he couldn’t breath.  But Tams got home and we didn’t make her sick, for which I was super grateful!

It never ceases to amaze me the growth and development these young adults have gained by serving a mission.  They are more interactive.  They look people in the eye.  They keep conversations going.  They know the scriptures.  They know who they are and they know where we can find answers.  I LOVE their service and I LOVE the results of their service in their very own lives.  Scuff gets home in May and I get to see it all over again!!  I LOVE that!

This is how we all felt that Tammers was home!

We, of course, had to play.

Last Friday we all went to the beach.  It was super cold, but we had a good time.  The wind was blowing too, so everything was full of sand.  There were too many dogs on the beach that day for Shorty.  He ended up going back to the car and hanging out for about 45 minutes because he does not like dogs.  We only ended up staying for two hours, but it was still fun, even though we were cold.

Then, after the beach on Friday, my sister arrived!!!  She just spent the weekend with us!  We had a great time!  I really miss hanging out with her, even though it has been like 25 years since we did!

Don’t you just love the sun bursts?  Somehow I didn’t realize we were photographing right into the sun.  But it made for superb beach photos!!  The color is amazing!

And that’s the crazy stuff we have been up to!  Today it is raining.  Tomorrow I get to give a talk at a Spanish baptism, luckily I get to speak in English.  Thank you!  I don’t speak Spanish 🙂  I’ll try to keep up better.  It might be easier now that I am not sick!

Aren’t those amazing??!!!  They are so beautiful and so perfect!!  It is difficult for me to believe they are sand.  But it is more difficult for me to believe that someone or more than one someone spent all of the time it would take to make something so amazing and beautiful and then to do it out of a medium as fickle and fluid as sand!  Seriously!!??  Your beautiful work, your time, your effort, your talent, gone in one rain storm, one gust of wind, or one rogue wave.

More than not, life is like that.   We choose those activities that are important and significant to us and that is where we put much of our time, talent, effort and even sometimes, our entire life.  Have you ever wondered if you were building out of sand?  Or are you building something that will last for eternity?  I don’t know about you, but when I look back on my life’s work, I want it to mean something.  I don’t want to look back and realize that I was using sand as a medium. 

I know, I know, I am talking in riddles.  I have something weighing on my mind.  I have a dear friend, whom I love.  She is amazing!  She is talented!  She is dear to my heart.  She is building sand castles and I don’t know how to tell her.  I don’t know if I should tell her.  She is happy and she is excited!  Her castle is beautiful!!  But it is still made out of sand, and not the things that will last for eternity.  I know she is not trying to use sand.  She doesn’t believe that is what she is doing, or she wouldn’t do it.  She has more sense than that.  I mean, how do you say to someone, “You know all that work you have been putting in, all that time and effort to express your amazing talent?  Sand.”  Because other people don’t see it as sand.

I have never been good at building castles in the sand, not real or figurative sand.  I don’t pretend.  I can’t make believe and play nice with the other kids with rose colored glasses on.  I have to live in reality.  For me it is the only comfort.  I want to know where I stand, in the gospel, in my relationship with you, in my job, in my parenting.  I only function in reality.  If I am not quite in reality, it is only because, for the moment, I believe it is reality.  But when the glasses come off and I really see?  Then I shift into functioning in the new reality.

When I become aware that a relationship is not what I have thought it was, even if the other person doesn’t see the difference?  My behavior toward them changes because I am functioning in a different paradigm of the relationship.  Did you know some people can’t do that?  Some people are afraid of reality.  When they realize you only function in reality and they do not, your friendship with them is over.  I do not worry about that with my sandcastle friend.  She lives and works in reality, which I appreciate and value.  But I have lost plenty of people who I had considered friends because they do not want to live or work or play in reality.  Which has been fine for me, because the truth be told, trying to maintain a friendship with those people is really exhausting because I can never remember ‘which’ reality they are functioning in.  I am feeling like all of this rambling is probably not making a lot of sense, but it does in my head.  Does that help?  Probably not.

This is the extent of my ability to build sand castles.

It is really difficult for me to write today.  I am sure my feelings are in the way.  How to say what I want without saying to much or offending someone.  It also doesn’t help that Spike Spike is sick today and bored and all he wants me to do is play with him, which I have, but he is not satisfied.  And so he is in my face.

When I was a younger mother, I asked a question of my religion professor once.  I had four small children, five and under.  We were talking about studying our scriptures and making time for the Lord.  I simply asked how that was possible when you had little children.  The response I received was not favorable.  Basically I was told (without anyone understanding my circumstances) that if I was ignoring the children to spend some ‘quality time’ reading my scriptures then I was missing the point of the gospel.  Ya.  It was not a pretty moment.  I left the class feeling awful and like a total and a complete failure as a mother.  I knew time with my Father in Heaven was important.  But seriously, with four small children five and under, I couldn’t go to the bathroom without assistance from one of them.  There was never time and all I was looking for was 15 minutes, not an hour, not three, not a day.  Literally, 15 minutes.  That was before you had scriptures on your phone.  Otherwise I could have read them as I walked home.

Spike is a much different child.  If I let him, he would take all of my time every day.  Seriously.  He will not use the toilet unless I am in the room with him regardless of how bad he has to go.  He will wet his pants.  He needs me to eat with him.  He wants me to sleep with him.  Still at three, he is like a wool sock full of static cling that just came out of the dryer…. A.L.L.T.H.E.T.I.M.E.  And when he is sick he is worse, even with ibuprofen.

Maybe my friend isn’t using sand.  Maybe she is just distracted.  Her distraction though, is evident in the lives of her children.  While she is building her castle, she is missing her opportunity to build in the lives of her children for eternity.  I have not been willing to make that trade.  My mother did it.  And I will not.  It is a little more personal to me.